point to remember

a good song to test your stero speakers/headphones is Dishwalla - Somewhere in the middle

hokkien noodles vs chicken pies

frankly, on normal days for dinner, i rather eat what you have, and only on special occassions like CNY, we can have traditional chinese food like the dishes we cooked. we'll do so together hey? =) i miss you lots, do come home soon.

i think like that song, i'm running, it might be fast really, but in the wrong direction. and i'm getting my basics of running wrong. i ain't in a sprint race, i'm in a race for life. so that means it's a long distance run. with that in mind, i must also take into consideration that i ain't doing what everyone who runs need to do. i ain't breathing. i'm not getting my oxygen. i'm not taking in the neccesities to run the race. it's no wonder i fight so hard with myself to do what i want to do; run this race.

my heart is captivated Lord by you alone,
captured by the awesomeness of You alone,
melted by the grace and mercy you have shown,
i stand in wonder,

i reach to You the one who makes the blind eyes see,
who breaks the chains of sickness with authority,
restoring what was broken,
so it may fly again.

i live to worship you,
i breathe to worship you,
all of my days,
your face i will see,
for as i worship you,
you lead to that place,
to that place,
of divine exchange.

-----------------------

it's really tough.
i'm fighting, with no one but myself.and it sucks, because my fists don't make contact with anything, and i don't get to push that anger out. but i stop and ask myself, like a dumb fool all this while,what's the getting angry for?
who's the anger directed to?
and what in the world are you angry about?

then i look and realise, it's precisely these things i do,
that i must do in quiet submission and with a willing heart,
that i might say i love those who i do it for.

Lord please help me.

Flinch

intr.v. flinched, flinch·ing, flinch·es
To start or wince involuntarily, as from surprise or pain.
To recoil, as from something unpleasant or difficult; shrink

-----------------------------------------------------------

shhhhhhhhhhhhhh... let's keep it between ourselves =)

i apologise that i kept you awake by nudging you consistently. i'm sorry.

i'm thinking of reading up more on this as to why we as in humans actually do such things.

i'm a closet _________________________.

fill in the blanks.
we all have our other sides.
this is not a confession.
it's a reminder,
of an understated truth.

with that aside, phew!

ok, down to business if that's what i may call it.

to answer you, no it doesn't matter to me, and it meant a lot. really it did.

to you all.. i 'smile' and i truly do, because you could never be part of the joy i was willing to share, but by circumstances and your choice, you pushed away. well.. "so long, farewell..." - to the tune of 'The Sound Of Music'. no, i ain't ousting you out of my life, i'm just choosing to ignore your existence for now. some ask why i behave the way i do, and i look at you, and TADA!!.. i have my answer =)

good night.

enemies over a packet of chicken rice? and black patches on towels when good ceramic does not rub off on a white hand towel? argh! if you were at the north pole and required that packet of food to survive i could understand why you came up with that statement, but gosh, what's it with you? sheesh.

i'm on the verge of giving up seriously i am.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a soldier

i may never get posted to do relief missions,
i don't ever think i'll get to hold a p226 again, what more a rifle.
i may never had see blood apart from that of blisters and sores and not from gun shots.
i have not seen death in it's face,
but i sure know that He lives, and that He gave us life through His being on the cross.

http://ecards.emicmg.com/soldierStory/relaunch.html

"7 acres of land."
"yes please, and oh, let's add a medium-sized cottage because you would like it."

"hmmm... the country side would be lovely."
"i totally agree, because it would be away from the city."

"aren't you going to come along?"
"i would, but someone's got to win the bread and butter.."

--------------------------------

i asked for bows and curtseys, the Lord gave me a ball, one in which i found my princess, though a prince i hardly am. reeling i still am from that, because everytime i lay sight on her, it still amazes the world as it does to me, that an ignoramus as i with her.

love is not selfish.
can selfish people ever learn to love?

words from mommy.

mommy ain't a professor of any sort, but she's mommy, and she loves me, thus her words make sense although sometimes they can hurt too.

theses were her words of wisdom..

on the way to lunch with her today, she spoke of people i care and love. she mentioned that between us we do not owe anyone any explainations - reaffirming my beliefs of what she's brought me up to believe about owing nothing to no one but God - thus we should let time tell the truth.

secondly, she mentioned about one loving another person, as parents love their kids. that we claim we love one, our actions then ought to bring out the best in that person, which in turn would bring out the best in ourselves.

that's the beauty of love, it strives on itself. it's not selfish and does not feed on any other's well-being. it spurs itself on because of it's selfless nature.

the greatest challenge of it all..

is forgetting you amidst all these blessings that You've given unto me Lord.
----------------------------

i thank you for all that i've been going through, good and bad. it's all helping me grow in ways i never expected, and i wish it never stops, because everything that happens nowadays, i see You teaching me new things. Lord i thank you for these lessons in life you teach me with the interaction i have with people around me and more so the lessons and battles i fight within myself.
i thank You for jacob and joel.
i thank You for sammi.
i thank You for glenda.
i thank You for rachel.
i thank You for uncle Richard, aunt Sharon, Joshua and Naomi.
i thank You for mom and dad.
i thank You for the time you gave us as a family to spend with jie now that she's gone back.
i thank You for shaun.
and Lord, i thank You for You.

i have more to tell you, but i don't feel like typing it now.. laters.

good morning =)

4 songs i hope you get to hear one day.

1. casting crowns - priase you in the storm
2. casting crowns - stained glass masquerade
3. chris tomlin - how great is our god
4. chris tomlin - indescribable

----------------------------------

i think it's nice to know that there are people out there who bother to digitize bibles into softwares etc, and even the daily bread.
for the first time i did my QT in the morning on my laptop. everything included. bible, daily bread, concordance, and what more, i had 3 bibles all at one time, esv, mkjv, and kjv altogether.
interesting experience, and in the same light that we always thank the Lord for food and the hands that prepare them, i thank the Lord too for the effort put into this.

please remind me constantly that a lie is a lie, whether white or not, and in your words, half-truths aren't truths because they ain't complete. ok, not in exact words, but yes you get my meaning. i think it's disturbing the really soft thoughts i've gotten these few days. not good, precarious!


Eph 6:13 Therefore take to yourselves the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
Eph 6:14 Therefore stand, having your loins girded about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness
Eph 6:15 and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace.
Eph 6:16 Above all, take the shield of faith, with which you shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
Eph 6:17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, Eph 6:18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching to this very thing with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.

verbal blood spill.
the first salvo was well taken in that the defences were strong.
they wore thin, and precarious is was, but with the Lord's strength they stood firm.
honour was accorded as it should have been according to the Word,
and that is the reason i walked away from the battle though not unscathed, i have peace.

clean hands or dirty hands,
(courtesy of swee lee's Paiste cymbal cleaning solution)

brown eyes or blue,
(yours are beautiful)

straight hair or curly hair,
(it doesn't matter whether you comb it or otherwise, it's lovely)

Jesus loves you.
(** ** *)

technically, if i were speaking to a queen's father, who would i be speaking to?

well, would you be my queen elizabeth? =)

to the land of the thai i must go, for a time with family that's much deserved. but once again i'm reminded of the fact that i am human, because i face the disappointment of being unable to be in two places at one time. yes i am going up north, but i wished i were going east.

i'll be back soon, and i hope to wrap up this year really nicely. maybe 2 more sunrises, 3 more strolls from college, 4 more conversations that last till early morning, and many more days of faith, hope and love to come. what say you? =)

a life story is made up of many smaller and shorter stories within it, thus like the fullstop at the end of this sentence, move on i must upon finality of the last chapter.

and the air crackled with joyous anticipation...

people crack jokes,
mom did every now and then.
life did so too,
and it went on too.
i kracked,
and life will go on.

for those of you who're feeling it, and thinking it's weird, i'm sorry. i just need this time to myself.
i need to breathe, i need to think, and i need to be alone. thanks.

and the tale will begin at 1741.
the advance call,
the first appearance,
the salutations, followed by the inspection,
the march past,
the blessings,
the presentations and address,
the pledge taking,
the declaration,
handing over of colours,
and the march off.
after which we come back on for the affixing of epaulettes,
then the toss of head dress.

for those who are wondering why i didn't blog for so long, it was cause i was confined for two weeks. yeah and i can't blog from camp, although i have internet. haha.

oh well, it's been rehearsals everyday, along with some activities that we do as a cohort. 370 people doing things together, indeed cumbersome.

thankful for all the ACPC rehearsals that the army wings had, because MIDS and AIR were excused since we're from a different service. gave us little breathers here and there.

it's down to the last 5 days of rehearsals, and then the actual thing on sat. that's all folks huh. 9 months, or rather 38 weeks, and it doesn't end here. in fact it's the start of more to come.

true indeed, and i ain't sure i'm ready for it. i've been drilled for the past year to be a trainee, a cadet, a low life correction no life midshipmen. so yeah, suddenly with the commissioning i'm expected to behave and act the way my instructors for the past 40 weeks or so have been showing us. i ain't exactly enthusiastic to do so, since most of their walks ain't exactly what they walk about.


well, it's the last book in.
early dinner,
rest,
and it's probably the last time i'm going to have to don the white long sleeve shirt and black pants to move in and outta camp. so well =)

i'm having mood swings, so leave me alone..

and we walked on water..

give me another lifetime, and another chance at this, and i would have still chosen to spend the evening with you. returning the books together, having dinner together, and walking home together. i would, i really would.

i guess the idea of mambo night never did and never will appeal. thank God.

caught in the middle of a decision that can go two ways..

knowing what you want in future now moulds the present that shapes the future..


and it's not about having what i want, it's about wanting what i have and need.

i need you to be happy.

rejection in it's own subtle ways.

i was snubbed and it wasn't pleasant. the sheer coincidence and conclusion is amusing but upsetting too. leave me alone..

"sometimes the best even by all members of a team ain't enough, because a team that does not perform, will cease to be a team in a matter of time."

drained. tired. and just wanna get it over and done with lah.

i want to stand tall on those two occassions, i really do, but the time and way you've put it across, i'm put of by it now. i truly am.

"desecrated, putrid, and defiled thou soul hast becometh...
prevaricated, a canard, and a sham is what your life is.."

what a sad state anything can come to, and yet it has to be that greater things might come to past. on a brighter note, at least i know i ain't defenceless against this onslaught and suffocating intoxication. i've got a my battle plan ready, and it's time to move from inside the ramp on to the beach for war..

Lord, let it to now, today, that the silver show the truth, that the scales fall, and that the heart and soul be broken that it might be contrite. broken only can you teach, then do what's necessary. make that difference happen my King, and 3 fortnights from now, we shall see the advancement of thy troops marching as planned, with heads held high, proud to be wearing armour that bears your emblem burnt deep into their souls. may we have Your blessings for we ask these in His name. Amen.

i feel my some parts of my brain are morphing into tiny little white elephants. i feel... unused. not that i yearned to be manipulated, but to be put through thought process about things that i want to think about and not what i have to think about like AOPs and RCPs and CAOS and all that crap. sigh.

20/40

just in case you're wondering that's the number of days to the end of course and parade day respectively.

i'm home, but i'm going out soon again.. where's that kid?

the fact that i linked both the issues together probably means that the initial reaction's more than just making a new friend? -----> no.

my link was the tugging of what she would think. frankly if knowing her's going to jeopardize what i've got with her thus far, i rather forgo the potential friendship. i know what i know deep down in my heart.

i believe you're worth it.

vRooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the red ferrari 4005 sped past. hahaha.. for those of you who don't get it, come ask me =)

----------------------------

"risk when taken is often done so by those who take it with the faith and hope that things will work out for the better than not having taken the risk.."

it's been a while now since i've updated, but it probably means i've had better things to do. besides something's wrong with the coms in the gunroom, so i can't update from camp anymore. oh well, too bad, not that i'm complaining about it lah.

the 55th are in, have been initiated, and it's been a longgggggggggggg and tiring week. hope this one's going to be lighter than the last, i could do with the breather.

i can always look forward, and i should.
but i have every other azimuth apart from the current one i'm facing to distract me from my current line of sight.
so what makes me fixate my eyes upon the current thought that makes so much sense to me in this direction by seems to defy logic when i turn around?
the answer's faith, hope and love.
and it comes from no other than Him.

did i mention i bought myself a new bible? i think it's so pretty. the brown leather cover, and it's ESV - English Standard Version, the same one andrew's using. maybe we could study the text together then. haha.

yay!~ i'm going to church today. haven't done so in 6 weeks. and i miss them alot. everyone in church. my kids, the youths, godpa, my cellgroup, and the musicians. all of them yes, i miss them all. probably miss the batch meal, not really interested in it, but i really wanna thank the juniors. shall get them something to thank them.

oh well, it's raining, and it's cold, but i know i can seek warmth from the Lord. things are just happening around me now, and i ain't exactly interested in paying attention to any particular one event at this point in time. if it's apathy Lord, help me, but if it's a breather i'm taking from all that hustle and bustle, then please let me have it.

the big black bird came..

C-R-O-W

haha..
can't be bothered with it lah, i know they pinned it down on me based on something they couldn't verify, and since they're got those gold things on their shoulders, i shall not attempt to blow it up. i just wanna complete the course and be done with this school.

i'm back from MSTD, and with the pipe that the MXO just made, i look back 4 months, and smile to myself. it's flown by, and soon the rest of the thirteen weeks would too.

"the 54th WEF today are known as seniors, the white admin shorts would be purchased and issued tomorrow..."

i first remember the feeling when i first heard that the OCS course was going to be 38 weeks long, 4 weeks short of the supposed 42weeks that my seniors went through, but the figure 38 seem daunting, and scary at that time. now it's been reduced to 13, and it's exactly 90 days left. deepak and i counted earlier on. haha..

i'm back at the wingline, serving the confinement that we got as a batch due to an integrity problem. i ain't going to shun away that we all copied from those taskbooks, but it's an open secret that all batches did so, and only we were dumb enough to get caught. haha. i'm just going to shake it off with laughter. the only pity's that i didn't get to go to church today. i miss it lots, i miss my kids, i miss my cellgroup, and i miss Him.

so much has happened, but then again, it's so much only because i've been away and the lack of update's probably what makes all this change seem gargantuan.

i made a decision not to worry so much, and hopefully that helps me not to think unnecessary thoughts too. i wanna live for the moment, enjoying and savouring every single bit of Him bringing us through it all.

just because i'm human, and humans are fallible, it ain't a reason for me to have fell. trust me, i hate it. i don't usually use that word, cause i think it's strong. but yes i'm using it this time.

thankful for the prayer session we had last night, hopefully there'll be another this sunday even as we climb Mt Bromoe.

will you be there with me in spirit?

1. NKJV bible with concordance, center columns cross reference, His words in red, hopefully more than one ribbon marker, and of a maximum thickness. would be nice to have it smaller than A4, larger then A5, and it would be lovely in brown leather. my oh my, hope it comes along.

2. brown b.buffel set. sheesh, the money ain't the problem. it's when i would allow myself to get it.

3. more ram for my laptop. hopefully dad pays for this.

in case you're wondering, that's my wishlist as of today.

---------------------------------

so much said over coffee, well, not literally in words, but in the thoughts that were going through my mind. somehow i see that reading the last two books, and having spent time with You onboard the ship has been a way to prepare me mentally for what i learnt today from her. i in no way hold anything against her, and i'm glad i spoke what i said, because i know it came with the wisdom that you gave me. i can only thank you. yes that's what i will do. =)

good morning to you all, it's my last day in spore before i set sail. well, the night's rest was good, albeit being short, but i'm thankful for small mercies.

i had a few thoughts running through my head last night before i fell into slumber. random, but all part of what makes me who i am.

i don't really remember planning per se to have said whatever i did, and i don't know whether what i said's going to reap positive or negative repercussion.

got to start packing before i leave for mj to pass shyuan his textbook, pass izzy my textbook, collect my cert, and catch up with some friends and hopefully a teacher - although i don't know what we can talk about - and then on to lunch, before coming home to rest and finish up the packing.

God's been faithful.

i've finished reading my book. "Every Young Man's Battle" is a must read for young christian men, like myself, who live in a world like ours.

i) bouncing my eyes away
ii) acknowledging that i was bought at a price and that i should live my life for Him, and not in a way i simply wish to.
iii) remember that as God's child there must not be a hint of sexual immorality in my life, for that's not what He desires of us as his children.

i'll be sailing off in another 5 days, and there things to be settled. i'm glad i've finally arranged for them to be. let's see how all goes. tonight's D&D should be fine albeit the officers' presence, hope they don't destroy the fun with their weird rules and what not.

tomorrow's coaching with uncle mengkim at 3pm, not sure what i'll do at night.
nothing planned for sat, maybe i'll spend the day resting, or maybe shopping.
sunday! =) hahaha, class with my kids, bible study, and the afternoon with her! what more can i ask for huh? *smiles*
monday should be spent with lump if nothing goes wrong.
and then i'm off on tuesday. hahahahaha..

oh well.. till then.. till things fall into place, pray and don't give up hope =)

frankly, with what's been shared tonight, what more could i ask for? =)

what's 2 months or 6 weeks for that matter compared to an eternity?
what's a 'go slow' sign compared to being able to declare it's a red light for the days to come?

i know it's what i want, and i'm glad you said what you did. let's wait and see, more importantly, let's pray and wait upon the Lord. i miss you, yes i do.

see you soon.

my phone's spoilt, and this probably means that i'm going to lose all my data in the phone if i send it for repair. yeah, i'm going to lose some really precious messages from friends, but i thought about it, and i sorta found a solution to it.

i'm off to onboard ship training for this week, hope you all take care and have a great week ahead =)

"it's 2 months, not 3. i don't think i would survive that"

haha, according to her, i should tell you this, cause she thinks it would be really sweet, but would it mean the same to you?

i'm amazed at the way words flow in the conversations with other friends. the magnificent pictures we paint with words, but when it comes to talking to you, i'm dumbstruck. i think it's mainly cause i watch you in silence at times, that's what i call appreciating beauty.

James Blunt - You're beautiful

for those who thought i was going to fly up to the clouds cause i was leaving camp for the weekend, it wasn't that case. =p

anyway, that was yesterday. here's today.

if there's one thing i care about, it's you. yes you.
and it's there's a second thing i care about, it's my kids. i know i care enough for them to make a decision in my life, knowing that it's for their good.

in uncle mengkim's words,

a Godly mentor is one who constantly directs his mentees to God, and not to himself.

yeah, that served to remind me of how i should talk to my kids whenever i
take the lessons, or when i call them up during the week. i should also not put
them in situations where comparison should be made between their leaders.

yeah, thus i made a choice. it's personal, and i don't think anyone else but God knows. don't think i'm ready to share it as yet, but maybe in future. just maybe =)

i'm really glad you're being more comfortable with me. i truly am. hope you settled into hostel well, it's going to a week long camp, do take care and hope you stay in the pink of health don't quit smiling, it's beautiful, you're beautiful.

i could fly up to the clouds now i tell you, i really could =) hahahahahah *smiles*

liberty parade in 5mins, home sweet home!! =)

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!~!~!~~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

ok, i just needed to let that out.

laters

today's briefing was on MSTD, and on a positiev note, it seems like it's going to be a good time afterall. not that it would be a holiday per se, because it's a training deployment, at least we're going to go through an experience that not many others would ever have a chance to.

from the looks of it, the first leg's going to be the most tiring, since it's going to be 11 days at sea straight as compared to the other 3 legs, but oh well, what's only tough that doesn't kill you would only make you stronger.

the security briefing after that MSTD briefing was bad, very very bad. 3 quarts the class was falling asleep most of the time, and the rest who were awake were busy learning their morse codes and flags. hahaha, i kinda got the hang of it too. =)

.. --|..|...|... .-..|---|..-

MIDS Challenge – the very start was the very end

Man, that slow excruciating pain as it slowly crept into my thigh muscle group. That hurt quite a bit. Whether I relaxed or stretched, it just wouldn’t go away. I was sent to the medical center shortly after that. Upon reaching, deep heat spray was applied to my thighs and I couldn’t really feel anything after that because both my legs were numb at that point in time. Sat down, and I started to feel nausea, so I rushed to the toilet and puked out what little was left of the Red Bull drink I had barely an hour ago. My head was spinning a little too. I’m starting to think maybe it’s got something to do with the blood. Firstly, the lack of it that led to the initial pain in my muscle, then the lactic acid buildup. Then as all the blood finally rushed to my legs, it moved away from my brain, and that’s why I probably felt giddy. The last time I puked cause of such pain was when MJ lost to SAJC 3-2 after leading 2-0 in the first half. Those were the days of council.

That aside, I have been feeling moody. I can’t say it’s exactly healthy, but I’m just responding to the situations that are happening around me. Here you have a senior of the 53rd government body breathing down your neck, although about issues that you know you’re in the wrong, but it’s just the face. Crap, I know that’s a lousy excuse, and I should not be feeling like that. Till I get over it, just let me feel like this for now.

On a happier note, the MSTD government for the 54th has been announced. Linkesh is MWC, Benedict’s MXO, Kovin’s MSO, Santhosh’s MMO, Weixian’s MLO, my buddy Jason’s MEO, last but not Nigel’s MSAO. In Links’ words, we’ll go through this together. If the shit hits the fan, then let’s take it together as a batch, at least when we stand on the parade square on that final day, we would be equals, and not someone not worth looking in the eye.

I retook my ASTRO test, hope I’ll clear it this time. At least I did not walk out of the room knowing that I will fail. I’m just waiting to use the computer today, cause I want to read up on the news, and I also want to do some blog reading. However, Daniel has just informed me, that blog surfing is not allowed in the gunroom on those two computers that have Internet access. Yeah right, I read the standing orders, and nowhere was it mentioned, I am not going to be bothered by what he said. We’re having silent MXO rounds now, so I’m just slacking away. Oh well, who cares? At least I know I don’t for now.

I just watched the phantom of the opera, and I’m feeling what some may call either ‘lovey-dovey’ or I prefer the word emotional. I don’t know if this contributes to what they say as loving the idea of being in love, it is Hollywood after all, but to chuck it away into a category that does not fully represent it would be unfair to it’s author. It is a love story that was written beautifully and I’m thankful that it has been made into a production as such. The costumes were beautiful and the music was nice, although some of it was ‘contemporarized’. I say this because I watched the play when I was much younger and having been trained in classical piano, I get a little edgy with such correction to music that belongs to a play of such a genre.

Oh well, then the thoughts come again. I know it’s never going to happen, not in my life at least, not such a love story. I don’t doubt that something as wonderful or even better (in terms I cannot comprehend) can and may happen if I have the Lord’s blessings with the life partner He has set aside for me, but with the way things are going, all seems, hopeless?

No it doesn’t, I’m just feeling despondent, and I know on the more rational side of my mind that it is not time. God has a purpose for putting me through NS, and I am not going to let my world crumble apart. It can’t, not when whatever process I am going through is part of His plan for me. See the logic or rather the lack of it when people who claim to have faith that God’s in their lives go,

“Oh no, my life is falling apart, everything just is not going my way!”

We love because He first loved us – 1 John 4:19

Lord I truly touch my heart and thank you that you first loved us, and that you gave us love. Lord, help me to understand, appreciate and differentiate the gifts of love and emotions Lord. They compliment one another perfectly at times, and it’s another one of those unexplainable wonders – the feelings that we feel – of your omnipotence Lord. Help me learn that although I love being in touch with those feelings, I have to be matured to accept that maybe the time is just not right yet. Loving that someone special can only come about if you give your blessings, and Lord, that I know that is what truly matters to me. Help me love my friends with the love that you have for them, and that I truly be a friend to them with no selfish intentions Lord. I cherish the angels that you have put in my life and they make me who I am Lord. Continue to help me grow into the person you’ve made me to be, all these I thank You for and pray in Your name.

Amen.

let me go in sequence, since time is on my side today.

had coffee with josh and regina on sunday after bible study. good session, and the takeaway of the session was that there would come a point in time when i would have to tackle issue and not people whether i felt like it or not.
it's going to be like this especially when it invovles humans who's characters are unique to themselves and it ain't going to be easy to change them.

came back to camp, had an ok night's rest, and was preparing myself mentally for the sortie next day, ended up just sleeping a little later not having done much perparation like going through the charts etc

sortie was good, was blessed with a relac-jack CO MAJ DEPAK KUMAR. cool guy! it was a fam-sortie, and i learnt quite a bit. it was definitely a great feeling having the wind in your hair,and a beautiful sight - the wharf retreating to the horizon as we slipped off. standing on the bridge wing with the sun setting thus making the sea red was probably what i enjoyed the most, but some officer had to come spoil it by giving me an attitude when i took over as MOW - Midshipmen Of the Watch. oh well, i've got things to learn, so i shall just suck it up.

then came MOD de-brief. it was supposed to be short. then came along the term de-brief discussion, it was supposed to be short too. but one after another - this wasn't planned - batch mates stood up and voiced out their opinions. some lamented and swore at their unhappiness with certain issues of the batch, and others stood up to take the blame for it. in all sincerity, i'm glad this 'trashing session' took place, but would it really work results? i hope so.
also, the pre-mids are here. i don't want to be to them what the seniors were to us. i hope i can be a friend to them. period.
the day's very very slacked. the regulars are outta camp for dental check-up, thus the NSFs like myself are back at wingline with nothing to do till lunch. after lunch, a DO interview is scheduled, and with cpt leong as our DO.. haha, what else needs to be said?

alright laters.

A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction - that's what dic.com defines an infatuation to be.

infatuation is the idea of being in love. - that's what someone said.

well, i don't know really. have i loved or have i just been stuck with the idea of being in love? sure i do love my parents, sister and brother, and friends like handi, Yy, josh and andrew, and i must say, it's hardly what i would call a feeling oriented kinda love, if you know what i mean. it's been more a subtle deep understanding that what i feel for them is something i chose. so does that then make love something that's meant to be void of feelings?

don't get me wrong when i speak of feelings here, because i do understand that love is essentially an act of the will, and not some warm, cosy, lovey-dovey feeling that we 'feel' as a result of chemical reactions in our bodies.

the Word speaks of love, - the ideal kind - the one that the Lord has for us, but truly, in all pessimism, how can fallen beings like you and i ever dare to dream of loving one another when love was from God to us?

on a more positive note, i think they who say that love defies logical trains of thought are truly wise men, or rather those who have humbly resigned to the fact that we as beings of well below par acumen would never grasp the simple yet noble idea/concept of love. because i would never be able after having lived for my past 19years to say i do not love my parents, sister and brother.

i'm afraid, of the unknown. truly, i do not know what lies ahead, although i can hope, optimism or pessimism are but opinions of a fallen faculty of thought, i've felt much, too much in fact in the past few days, that i ought to take a breather from feelings and focus on brain power exercise, mental stress, and getting my facts into my head for MSTD.

night and out.

true, you would be happy if you got what you want, but happiness is wanting what you have..

Lord, help me be contented with what you put in my life every single moment. help me appreciate and acknowledge that it's all there for a reason, and that all things should and must point back to you.

had a great session with my kids this morning, and i'm sure it was heavy going, but i know what's tough would only make you stronger. we will grow together as we continue to learn from each other in the intellectual sparring that will take place as we study God's word =)

it's been.. long i guess? but then again, i don't think i owe anyone this, so here goes the random snippets of what's been happening, and what's been going through my mind.

--------------------------

caught batman and initial D in two weekends, both were ok.

been thinking or rather feeling alot about some stuff, but haven't really came to any conclusion, so that's it for now.

and i spent the day eating lunch and dinner at cartel. don't ask me why it happened, it just did.

what's it say about this person if he/she:

-is who you wanna tuck into bed every night even if it means only being able to do it over the phone
-is the person you wanna call up even though you don't feel like saying a single word
-is the one's who's text message you're ever eager to reply
-is the very reason why you feel you need to set things straight every time it goes outta place, be it with yourself, or when it's an issue between the two of you

i'm just asking the question, i've yet to come up with an answer to it. help me along would you?

words.. at times they mean so much. but it's precisely when they hold such value, that their absence can also make thus great a difference.

gosh.. miscommunication is bad.. big time.

should i allow myself to claim that i'm depressed? would be just be choosing the easy way out?

yes may day's been special, but more than in one way. it shall remain between you and i.

------------------------------------

due to the nature of my uniform, i've been doing alot of ironing, and over time, i've been reminded time and again by something a preacher once mentioned.

'my favourite household chore is ironing, cause when i do it, i get talk to God, and also straighten things out'

it happened for me this weekend too. had to settle an issue, and although i didn't get it straighten out till the very last min, i'm still glad i did.
it's back to camp for another week.

this may day's been special for me.

i thank God for you.

i'm happy.

haha I think I probably just experienced the slackest 2 days of my life in MIDS. Seniors aren’t around, no officers are around (apart from Chan YS being around for swimming yesterday along with TCO – he rocks man seriously- who actually bianged him) and the best part, the training schedule is light. Well, I hope this long weekend would be a good time to recharge for the following week, where the pace is only going to get faster with many more tests, lessons and IPPT on Friday. Hope the asics come in by then so that I can use it to run my 2.4km.

on a positive note, I realized that the FNOs are actually quite nice people, and not a secluded lot of midshipmen. They’re actually quite open with guys, and I still hold unto the view that my NS life would never be what it would be without interaction with FNOs. They’re starting to term me as one of their jiemei again, just like in JC, man.. hope the good things happen, without the negative complications. Argh.. *shrugs, that was a bad experience

my my my, 7 days just flew by like that. Man…. It’s been an interesting week thus far. Had our first OOD rounds, and also the first fire drill, which was conducted by an officer, CPT Alan Seah to be exact. He’s a nice guy, I managed to clear my ROR re-test because of him. Guess I would be serving my 4wp this weekend after all, but since Atzel’s fine with doing so too, don’t see a problem anymore.

A revelation about trust, the trust part isn’t what I’m jubilated about, but rather the fact that you wished for me to be there at times when you’re sad.
To want to have someone by your side when you’re happy, you seek that person to share the joy. To want that same person by your side when you’re down, you seek that person for comfort, in hope to lessen your pain. Ask, and I promise I’ll try my best to be there.

Well, I think I shall sleep proper tonight, since my next two days will be slack, moreover it’ll be a long weekend, so hopefully I’ll fully recharge =) till I meet you, I miss you =)

I’m MOD today, and i hope nothing goes wrong. The night’s rest was quite disrupted with the heat and the many times that I was awaken by coughing and people coming into my room. Well, it’s ok, at least the night ended off on a piece of good news =)

I’m off to 7 lessons of fixing with LTC Deepak today then there will be a IPPT trial test in the afternoon of which I would not be a part of because of ATT B status, thankfully to a great extent.


Well, something did happen on my MOD day, had to write a statement in the end, but that’s not what this entry’s about.

I just finished playing pool with shaun, used my 4k1 for the first time. Played well, enjoyed his company too. Didn’t talk much though.

Neither is this entry about pool. Just felt like updating that I had a talk with J.Beckman and roy hoong, they’re NSF like myself, and I guess some of my batch div mates are starting to see some issues in a way that I would, or maybe it should be the other way round, I seeing it in their view. Oh well, I’m enjoying this shore leave thus far. Hope things turn out fine for the upcoming week.

Got quite abit of stuff to buy, hopefully will get to settle them all asap.

I’m on 4 days ATT B status. Not something I’m really happy about, but at least the last thing I have to worry about for the next 4 days is fatigue due to physical strain. My chest is hurting mildly as I breathe in hard, I think it’s the work of the phlegm that’s stuck in my nasal passage, and maybe cause I’m coughing too. The room is so stuffy, jason’s coughing, and without ventilation, I’m not surprised I’ve caught the virus too. They’re at the pool having SPT1, I don’t think it’ll be a problem for me to clear that exercise/test but I’m just not in the mood today I guess.

Learnt quite abit on chart work today, and it’s really fun =) at least I’m beginning to see the interesting portions of navigation rather than just boring theory work.

I spoke to you last night, and I’m happy that you’re glad with what I said to you, as I was glad we even talked. =) hmmm… won’t be seeing you this weekend, hope I get to the next weekend though, it’s a long one cause of labor day. Heheh, can I ask you out on a date then? =p

Well, tonight we’re going to have our first night classes of 3 this week, and it’s actually the first night training we’re having thus far in MIDS. Hope it’ll be good, maybe we’ll even get to go in admin attire. Really need to buck up in Mr Jaya’s lesson, since there’s a test this sat on it.

spent the morning in church, thankful I did, although I didn’t really interact with my kids. Spent the time studying for my navigation’s test tomorrow. Had lunch with a jem, bryan, Christian, steph, and some others. They stayed for 2 meetings – welfare and camp timetable respectively- whilst I was in the other room studying once more for my test. Took a nap in the early evening before having dinner alone, and met up with Roger to come back to SAFTI.

The night is ‘young’, it’s 2312 at the moment, and more than half the wing is still very active. It’ll probably stay this way till about 0100. I’m targeting to sleep latest by 0200, so till then, I have quite a bit of stuff to settle.
journal entry about SEA-EX
study for navs one more round
help Jason type out the required info
talk to God
get 3 hours of sleep =)

somethings you just have to set straight before moving on, and i'm glad i did do so with God and myself.

thankful for whatever's happened during this liberty break, checking back in to reality soon. two exams this week, i hope i clear them, esp the comms one.
looking forward to more of whatever comes. =)

blessed week for you all i hope!

Finally got MS office installed on this after the week in camp without any programs at all. Hmmmm… so much happened today.

Well, it was a mini confession on your side telling me you do like me, and I’m glad you shared. I’m not floating, but I’m definitely happy =) and I seriously hope you liked the flower.

I spent some time playing pool with my brother and I didn’t really enjoy it cause the balls were in bad condition and the table’s kinda overused for the day, collected too much moisture after a whole day of being used I guess.

Spent A LOT of money today. Bought coffee, things like my thermal water bottle, and most of all, placed my $350 deposit for my predator 4k1. It’s coming on Monday, but I ain’t going to collect it till a month later when my next pay comes in, then I’ll go collect it. It’s not going to run away anyway. =p going to church in a few hours time, and I still have not really studied, planning to catch some sleep, get up at 0600, start studying for a while, then proceed to church, after which I would come home and mug. Planning to reach camp latest by 2045, then can start preparing my uniform etc, and finish up one more round of mugging hopefully before we end the night.

I spent some time playing pool with my brother and I didn’t really enjoy it cause the balls were in bad condition and the table’s kinda overused for the day, collected too much moisture after a whole day of being used I guess.


Spent A LOT of money today. Bought coffee, things like my thermal water bottle, and most of all, placed my $350 deposit for my predator 4k1. It’s coming on Monday, but I ain’t going to collect it till a month later when my next pay comes in, then I’ll go collect it. It’s not going to run away anyway. =p going to church in a few hours time, and I still have not really studied, planning to catch some sleep, get up at 0600, start studying for a while, then proceed to church, after which I would come home and mug. Planning to reach camp latest by 2045, then can start preparing my uniform etc, and finish up one more round of mugging hopefully before we end the night.

by the way, for those of you who have been checking for updates, i'm sorry this one came after so long. i've been really busy thus the lack of updates. thanks for caring though, hope you all are doing fine. =)

just something child-like and cute i came across:

i ran up my door, opened up the stairs.
said my pajamas and put on my prayers.
turned off my bed, and tumbled into my light,
all because he kissed me good night.

Though the cover is worn
And its pages are torn
with places where there’s traces of tears

Yet more precious than gold
Is this book worn and old
That can shatter and scatter our fear

As I prayfully look
Into this precious old book
Many treasures and pleasures I see

Many promises of love
From my father above
Who is nearest and dearest to me

This book is a guide
A friend by my side
It will lighten and brighten my day

And each promise I find
Truth will gladden my mind
As I preach it and teach it each day

To this book I will cling
Of the words I will sing
Though many corpses and losses be mine

But I cannot despair
Though surrounded by care
By possessing this blessing divine

Great God we praise on all Your works I look
Yet Your wisdom, power and grace
Shine brightest in this book

The stars are in the heavenly row have much instruction given
But only your word instruct my soul
On how to get to heaven

i'm back from camp once again, but the different thing is, i'm only left with one major event in training, that being my 24km route march. we're done with all the other route marches, the sitest, live range, field camp, hand grenade, etc etc.

i'm 2 weeks from POP, after which i'll go where God puts me =)

----------------------

so much has happened, seriously, but it's all being recorded either in memory, words or even pictures. well, the time would come where all can be savoured as the past. trust me, that day would come, because i've got faith in that happening myself. take that step with me? =)

let there be faith, love, truth, and most importantly, Your presence Lord in what is to come between us..

-like the ends of a pearl necklace hold together, let me clasp my hand in yours-

so much sharing, warmth, and revelation. but be warned there will be more. it's not all going to be warm and comfy, there are going to be rocky times, cold wars, and even prolonged periods of silence.

keep in mind that the status quo is nice, and if God so willing, let it stay this way, but knowing the imperfections that are ever so present, be on guard for what can happen.

it's a committment, and it's going to take more effort then just a solo pilot. work at this together, in a way that would allow those invovled to look back, with pride that no problem was dodged but confrotned with boldness and assurance that it would undo itself in God's time, with the comfort that the storm was braced through in each other's company.

-last night-
"maybe we should talk less, use the night for thinking and rest, to be still and know that He is God"

it took me a while to digest the fullness of this, and yes thankfully i was preoccupied. it allowed slow seeping of the possibilities into my mind, after all it was only text.
the conclusion, i'm happy about it for various reasons that would not be mentioned here. =)

-this morning-
it is cny (as much as the lack of activities highly suggest it's just another public holiday that's got nothing to do with us like hari raya etc), so i'm off for visitation.
the dinner last night was .. ok. the food was expensive, but i wouldn't say fantastic, i guess what stood out to me more was that after so many years, we had a complete extended family. that grandpa and big uncle actually sat at the same dinner table, and that we actually said grace before food, i truly see God's hands working in my maternal family. Amen.

i'm off to the paternal side, which i ain't exactly turned on by the idea. imagination and recollection of this people... shudders.. but oh well, i'm pragmatic so i'm going. =p read deep into this. hahaha =p i'm off.

i've got one week off NS, partly cause of a two day MC, and a 5day CNY break. so yeah, that works out to one week.

i'm supposed to be sleeping/resting, but i can't at the moment. it's a warm afternoon, even though i'm in a not-so-cold aircon room. my nose is clogged, and i'm tired.
i'm thinking of doing something to relax, that would be quiet, so gaming's outta the question.
well, i'm going to.... i don't know. i'll figure out.

shall we dance?

i enjoyed,
the show,
the time spent,
the coffee,
the talk,
and you for you.

i liked the talk, the way i was able to breathe after all of it, because of things both you and i said.

"when you tear all the layers away, what should remain, is faith, truth, and the acknowledgement that God is above all problems that can occur.."

-savour the moments as we stroll down this path. there's not yet a need to run, so take time to breathe, feel, see, hear, think, and understand. the relative concept of speed is nullified in this context, so yes, what's a little patience now when we've got the whole of eternity if this was what it is..-

been a while since i could talk to someone about God the way i spoke to you today, and i'm really happy. the walks to and fro, destination-less they might have been, but not senseless, and very enjoyable. i could get used to this.

-some feelings in hibernation were nudged awake, and others were born. red is the colour of blood, and blood is life. is that life you injected into them? pour forth the gift if that is so..-

--------------------------------------------

got bible study material to prepare before i sleep
got a morning run to run
got breakfast to catch with my brother and bryan and ron
and a fufilling day in church to attend.

goodnight earth, and the extraterretial life out there, where you are.

it's a sunday, and the start of many, in which i would start counting down to my book-in time.
today's at 1945. well, goodbye to you all for another 12 days because my field camp commences on friday, thus i won't be back next weekend.

seriously, nothing sucks as much one particular issue. being absent from mainland means an absolute no chance of something happening. but oh well, hope is what i have to keep me going on i guess.

i'm hoping for a miracle i don't expect to happen.
Lord, i believe, but help me with my unbelief.

confused? i'll talk to you if i ever get the chance to and if you do ask me. that's when i'm back though.

i'm back, and i met some extraterrestrial life, and it was pleasant time spent =)

well, an army that's got no regimentation's not an army, so i guess yes i'll have to take it in stride with God's strength.

my only issue thus far is the lewd talk and ever-so-frequent spurts of foul language. man, i don't wanna complain about it, cause i can't provide a solution at this point in time. till i can, i'll just remain mum about it as much as i can.

'The Aviator' was a movie that engaged my mind. a refreshing experience from the army where you just have to process the (rather) simple instructions and protocols taught to you. i hope i don't screw up, especially with the live rounds and grenades man. *shudders at the thought of the possibilities of gunshot wounds*

did my groccery shopping today, going to get my field camp stuff tomorrow, and that's all for tonight i guess. it's good to be home. camp's sweet, but home's sweeter.
night people.
all the best tomorrow for you =)

i'm 23hours away from enlistment. not feeling anything in particular.
coughing, blocked nose, and an irritable temper.

i hope i would enjoy the change in environment. away from people i know, being together with people i hardly know. maybe this change would be good.
then when i know those i initially didn't, and not know those i used to, maybe the switch might come about again.
nobody knows. nobody knows it but me.

i'm happy you're in touch with your feelings, and your new ec. atta girl. all the way =)

financial independence is my new year resolution.

that was the final hundred dollars i took. i hope, but i'll learn to survive.

it's been quite a while now, but i'm thankful for where i am, and the people i'm with.
we're all in the main office of covenant house, and those who are either not able to sleep even though they're tired, or because they're working. yeah school work, they're having school at the moment, and it will only be confirmed whether they get their official leave from school for the camp.

incoherent thoughts are going through all our minds at this moment, and it's cause it's 3 am in the morning, and we're just surviving on the chemical caffeine our bodies are producing when we push our bodies to overdrive.

well well, goodnight to you people, and i hope you all find your remaining days of 2004 meaningful in reflection. ciao

gosh, i'm so blessed, and i'm so pissed, and i'm so.. i don't know.

i like to see, the blackness of the paper i buy for christmas cards
i like to smell, the fragrance of a cologne like armani mania
i like to hear, the tick produce by a well stroked shot from a maple shaft
i like to taste, the bitter-sweetness of coffee
i like to feel, the smoothness of suede
and above all,
i like you.

i think i'm starting to turn into a temporal shutter bug. i keep imagining how things i see would appear like in photos, and even went to the extent of taking those pictures. haha. maybe i'll be able to write something about these photos soon.

for what it's worth, i think the people who care for and love me, have serious issues.
you people ought to go for mental and physical checks, to ascertain just which parts of you have problems, that you should even bother with a screwed up like yours truly.

i can't say nothing much has happened, because indeed a lot has!
haha

melbourne was interesting without parents and just siblings. it was a different experience from last year, and enjoyable too. the beer was a plus, and the food was really good at times. the company was nice too =)

prom wasn't fantastic but it was memorable in it's own ways. so many pretty young ladies that night. some looked really fantastic, but i felt that others looked nicer on other days.

up and coming, piano exam in 5 days and counting.

the ipod is really pretty. wait. all ipods (white and black ones only) are pretty, but mine's the prettiest! =p hahaha
i really like it.

did some major reshuffling today, of the furniture in my bedroom, the dining room, and my brother's room. the hall's not touched, yet.
am shagged from the day, but i miss soccer. hope i get to watch some good soccer tonight.
*went to check activeodds for the games tonight*

*back*
disappointment. none of those i want to watch are playing tonight.
guess i'll sleep. =p afterall, i'm supposed to have an earlier-than-usual sunday morning tomorrow, cause i want to have breakfast. i miss kayabutter toast, with porridge and eggs. =)

goodnight people for now.
i hope those in Ophir are doing fine.
i hope those in korea are having fun,
and i hope those back here in spore are still having fun too =)

and you never did reply. it's a vicious cycle.
a clown's laughter with a sardonic stain.

well, the bbq was fun, and i was contented. and godpa gave me my new bag. it's pretty, i love it. and i love my godpa too =)

night people.

how do i tell you,
what i see through my eyes when i look at you?
when i'm lost for words,
to describe the beauty you show me,
or when i acknowledge that silence,
does come hand in hand with being in awe.

dtob noi dai mai dtob chun noi waa ter kit teung gunmai dtong waan dtong waew rok yaak taam kae hai ter
dtob noi dai mai dtob chun gon waa ter kit teung chun
yaang tee chun mun kit teung koi ter glub maa

it's in thai, a nice song someone sent me.
here's the translation.

Could you please answer me that you miss me.
You don't have to be sweet. I just want to ask you...
Can you answer me? Answer me first, that you miss me
Just like I miss you, and wait for you to return

the absurdities of our parents are usually but the norms of their children - us.

i guess that's something parenting will teach me in future, that's if i have kids.

math p2 tomorrow, all the best to all taking it.
just had dinner, going to take a long good shower, practise one more math p2, and then go to bed.

Ronan Keating - We've got tonight

i know it's late,
i know you're weary,
i know your plans don't include
me.
still here we are,
both of us lonely,
longing for shelter,
from
all that we see.
why should we worry,
no one would care
girl,
look at
the stars now,
so far away,

Chorus
We've got
tonight,
who needs tomorrow,
we've got tonight
babe,
why don't you
stay?

Deep in my soul,
i've been so
lonely.
all of my
heart,
fading away.
i've longed for love,
like everyone else does.
i
know i keep searching,
after today.

so there it is
girl,
we've got it all now,
and here we are
babe,
what do you
say?

Chorus

i know it's late and i
know you're weary,
i
know your plans don't include me,
still here we
are,
both of us
lonely,
both of us lonely,
lonely.

We've
got tonight,
who
needs tomorrow,
let's make it last,
let's find
a way.
Turn out the
lights,
come take my hand now,
we've got
tonight babe,
why don't we
stay?
we've got tonight babe,
why
don't we stay?

-------------------------------

ok, i lied.

i'm sorry, but i didn't know what else to say.i've got things on my mind, and the Lord knows what they
are. i need a good night's sleep, yeah that's what i need for now. maybe i'll see you tomorrow morning, maybe i wouldn't.
goodnight.

it's the festival of lights.
nothing to do with me though.
haha, just that it's probably the only reason why i don't have a paper today.

hmmm.. i've been thinking about the multi-racial, multi-cultural nature of my country. the secular-ness of it. maybe if it didn't come so easily, my faith wouldn't waver that much huh. but oh well, i'm here for a reason.

i went to the airport last night again. had a night of math, and will continue to do one more paper later on, before i get down to physics. will study econs tomorrow, or maybe i'll stay up through the night again.

going out for dinner, hope we get to eat nice food. i've got a resolution to eat less. eating to fill my tummy, rather than enjoying great food now. i can't afford to do so anymore. putting on lots of weight.

it's 14days to the end of my exams.

it's an unknown amount of days to the end of the world.

my trip to the states to visit handi has been cancelled because he's going to china with his family. what a waste. i might just fly over to london to visit ange then.

it's thursday tonight, which means 4 (or is it still 5?) singaporeans are going on stage to fight for their votes, to be crowned the singapore idol. wow, can you feel the excitement? if you can, let me know, cause you weren't supposed to. i think it's dumb. sorry to those who are ardent fans of AI, SI, and all the other idol shows.

well, i just got back from a game of basketball with my brother. we went to play at a court that we used to play at 4 to 5 years ago. things have changed, we have changed. well, shall not elaborate for now. not the time for penning thoughts like this now.

music - Worthy is the Lamb

my muscles are aching, especially my thighs. a result of basketball yesterday after having stopped playing for almost 3 weeks now. but it helped with the sleep last night, and hopefully tonight as well. i'm trying to break up the nocturnal cycle as i mentioned 2 days back i believe.

i have no idea why i'm feeling this moody/uneasy. but i must say, i'm feeling much better after talking to God. no He's not my aunt agony. He's more like a lover, whom i'm still very much infatuated with, and miss dearly throughout the day. still learning as much as i can about Him, and at least i know it's something from within me. it's not something that's forced, it's not fake, and even it were that case to you, in someone else's words, "it's your perception, not my reality".
no one pissed me off, nothing really sparked it off, just sort of slipped into 'this' as i made my way home.
was a rather productive day of practising math in the school library today, although it was really quite noisy with all my juniors doing up their GPF for the last time. congrats to them, and kudos to the hard work - or the lack of it - that's gone into it. hope you people score well.

come to think of it, my teeth are also aching. or rather, my whole jaw is.
i don't know what's up with my teeth. they ache nowadays even when i drink cold water. i think it's something wrong with my nerves. this is bad, cause i love drinking cold water that is.

something i wrote for those i know i love.

the trickle of a stream,
the thunderous roar of the niagara.
strumming of
4 simple chords that make up a song of praise,
or the brainchild of
musicianship, brought to life by the creme de la
creme,
it all
points to you,
and the love you have for me.

the love i can
return,
is not worth mentioning a fraction.
it's my prayer it
suffices,
and i'm sorry i let you down at times.
but still hold me
close
to you.
let our fingers intertwine like those of lovers,
that i
might
rest by your side,
knowing you're there by the sound of your
breaths.

love me,
love you,
let it be so.

goodnight earth, and you.

i just had dinner, and i feel like writing some stuff, but i'll do so later, after i talk to God.

it's puzzling why i always seem to have fish on the dinner table. haha, i love it, and i ain't complaining. =p

had curry fish head, and that was what i call a good dinner. =)

it's not a good dinner just because it's curry fish head, but rather cause it was really good. yeah, it could be the simplest of foods, like duck porridge, but if it's good, it would suffice for my dinner. =)

i'm a satisfied boy tonight, and i've only got one wish. i'm hoping it will be fulfilled.

mama told me over dinner, just let God know your heart's desires, but
more so, ask that His will be done. then you wait. yeah, that's what i'm going
to do.

bloody headache.

pleasant phone call.

white pills.

my bed.

slumber.

they ain't in order of any sort.

do your parents pick up your cellphone when it's ringing and it doesn't happen to be by your side?
haha, i almost got a shock of my life when i called a friend, because that happened. haha.

well, it's been pretty much of a slacked day, and i'm just waiting for my body to call me to bed, then i'm going to plonk in it for a good 8 hours, then i'll start the day! =) physics!!! here i come!

3 days to my start of my A levels, and 24 days to it's end.

studying overnight at the airport. quite effective. it's controlled circumstances and environment i guessed, that's why i have to study.

but it kinda screws up my bio clock, so i'll have to ease up on the frequency now that my GP's just next thursday.

for now, i want to relax. game. i'm tired.

i'm having a acne outbreak again. darn.
and something's puzzling me. i have been sleeping, haven't been pumping the caffeine yet, and eating properly, exercising. so what's up with this outbreak? gosh..

Heaven is a wonderful place,
filled with glory and grace.
Singapore's a small place in comparison,
it has had it's golden age,
but it sure has quite a few souls in it,
who happen to know each other,
because Singapore's a small place.

never thought lives could intertwine like this,
but oh well,
it happens like everything else does for a reason.
i don't know what's up with us all,
but i sure hope to find out in time.

in time,
all can heal,
all can be known,
and all can be done,
only in time,
when the Lord chooses for it to be so.

fyi, if you ain't going to stop smiling,
i'm coming over,
to hug you.
please don't stop.

imo, a cherub smiles like you do.
J smiles like you sometime too,
it's with that same glitter in your eyes,
it must be your mother's eyes you have.

the way your hair falls over your ears,
covers your forehead from time to time,
makes it seem like that's the way it's meant to be.
you make it natural.
you make it you,
the way you are.

i just finished watching 'Drumline'.
pure talent, i'm truly amazed. go catch it if you can, or rather, i don't think it's on anymore, cause i ripped it =p

--------------

it's my science practical tomorrow, and i'm mildy freaking out.

i'm begining to see why people like Mr Koh who has a havard first class honours and Mr Kwan who's equally as into math exist.

you just get better at it the more you do it. haha, well, at least at this level lah. =)

headache, darn it. it's persistent, or maybe it's just my mind. arGh!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, it's papa's birthday tomorrow, going out later on to meet yy, mel and edwin, and also get a card for papa.

man.. and we're all swinging..

i pulled my bicep, strained it too much today whilst playing basketball i guess. arGh!

i'm really sleepy.. =(