God's been faithful.

i've finished reading my book. "Every Young Man's Battle" is a must read for young christian men, like myself, who live in a world like ours.

i) bouncing my eyes away
ii) acknowledging that i was bought at a price and that i should live my life for Him, and not in a way i simply wish to.
iii) remember that as God's child there must not be a hint of sexual immorality in my life, for that's not what He desires of us as his children.

i'll be sailing off in another 5 days, and there things to be settled. i'm glad i've finally arranged for them to be. let's see how all goes. tonight's D&D should be fine albeit the officers' presence, hope they don't destroy the fun with their weird rules and what not.

tomorrow's coaching with uncle mengkim at 3pm, not sure what i'll do at night.
nothing planned for sat, maybe i'll spend the day resting, or maybe shopping.
sunday! =) hahaha, class with my kids, bible study, and the afternoon with her! what more can i ask for huh? *smiles*
monday should be spent with lump if nothing goes wrong.
and then i'm off on tuesday. hahahahaha..

oh well.. till then.. till things fall into place, pray and don't give up hope =)

frankly, with what's been shared tonight, what more could i ask for? =)

what's 2 months or 6 weeks for that matter compared to an eternity?
what's a 'go slow' sign compared to being able to declare it's a red light for the days to come?

i know it's what i want, and i'm glad you said what you did. let's wait and see, more importantly, let's pray and wait upon the Lord. i miss you, yes i do.

see you soon.

my phone's spoilt, and this probably means that i'm going to lose all my data in the phone if i send it for repair. yeah, i'm going to lose some really precious messages from friends, but i thought about it, and i sorta found a solution to it.

i'm off to onboard ship training for this week, hope you all take care and have a great week ahead =)

"it's 2 months, not 3. i don't think i would survive that"

haha, according to her, i should tell you this, cause she thinks it would be really sweet, but would it mean the same to you?

i'm amazed at the way words flow in the conversations with other friends. the magnificent pictures we paint with words, but when it comes to talking to you, i'm dumbstruck. i think it's mainly cause i watch you in silence at times, that's what i call appreciating beauty.

James Blunt - You're beautiful

for those who thought i was going to fly up to the clouds cause i was leaving camp for the weekend, it wasn't that case. =p

anyway, that was yesterday. here's today.

if there's one thing i care about, it's you. yes you.
and it's there's a second thing i care about, it's my kids. i know i care enough for them to make a decision in my life, knowing that it's for their good.

in uncle mengkim's words,

a Godly mentor is one who constantly directs his mentees to God, and not to himself.

yeah, that served to remind me of how i should talk to my kids whenever i
take the lessons, or when i call them up during the week. i should also not put
them in situations where comparison should be made between their leaders.

yeah, thus i made a choice. it's personal, and i don't think anyone else but God knows. don't think i'm ready to share it as yet, but maybe in future. just maybe =)

i'm really glad you're being more comfortable with me. i truly am. hope you settled into hostel well, it's going to a week long camp, do take care and hope you stay in the pink of health don't quit smiling, it's beautiful, you're beautiful.

i could fly up to the clouds now i tell you, i really could =) hahahahahah *smiles*

liberty parade in 5mins, home sweet home!! =)

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!~!~!~~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

ok, i just needed to let that out.

laters

today's briefing was on MSTD, and on a positiev note, it seems like it's going to be a good time afterall. not that it would be a holiday per se, because it's a training deployment, at least we're going to go through an experience that not many others would ever have a chance to.

from the looks of it, the first leg's going to be the most tiring, since it's going to be 11 days at sea straight as compared to the other 3 legs, but oh well, what's only tough that doesn't kill you would only make you stronger.

the security briefing after that MSTD briefing was bad, very very bad. 3 quarts the class was falling asleep most of the time, and the rest who were awake were busy learning their morse codes and flags. hahaha, i kinda got the hang of it too. =)

.. --|..|...|... .-..|---|..-

MIDS Challenge – the very start was the very end

Man, that slow excruciating pain as it slowly crept into my thigh muscle group. That hurt quite a bit. Whether I relaxed or stretched, it just wouldn’t go away. I was sent to the medical center shortly after that. Upon reaching, deep heat spray was applied to my thighs and I couldn’t really feel anything after that because both my legs were numb at that point in time. Sat down, and I started to feel nausea, so I rushed to the toilet and puked out what little was left of the Red Bull drink I had barely an hour ago. My head was spinning a little too. I’m starting to think maybe it’s got something to do with the blood. Firstly, the lack of it that led to the initial pain in my muscle, then the lactic acid buildup. Then as all the blood finally rushed to my legs, it moved away from my brain, and that’s why I probably felt giddy. The last time I puked cause of such pain was when MJ lost to SAJC 3-2 after leading 2-0 in the first half. Those were the days of council.

That aside, I have been feeling moody. I can’t say it’s exactly healthy, but I’m just responding to the situations that are happening around me. Here you have a senior of the 53rd government body breathing down your neck, although about issues that you know you’re in the wrong, but it’s just the face. Crap, I know that’s a lousy excuse, and I should not be feeling like that. Till I get over it, just let me feel like this for now.

On a happier note, the MSTD government for the 54th has been announced. Linkesh is MWC, Benedict’s MXO, Kovin’s MSO, Santhosh’s MMO, Weixian’s MLO, my buddy Jason’s MEO, last but not Nigel’s MSAO. In Links’ words, we’ll go through this together. If the shit hits the fan, then let’s take it together as a batch, at least when we stand on the parade square on that final day, we would be equals, and not someone not worth looking in the eye.

I retook my ASTRO test, hope I’ll clear it this time. At least I did not walk out of the room knowing that I will fail. I’m just waiting to use the computer today, cause I want to read up on the news, and I also want to do some blog reading. However, Daniel has just informed me, that blog surfing is not allowed in the gunroom on those two computers that have Internet access. Yeah right, I read the standing orders, and nowhere was it mentioned, I am not going to be bothered by what he said. We’re having silent MXO rounds now, so I’m just slacking away. Oh well, who cares? At least I know I don’t for now.

I just watched the phantom of the opera, and I’m feeling what some may call either ‘lovey-dovey’ or I prefer the word emotional. I don’t know if this contributes to what they say as loving the idea of being in love, it is Hollywood after all, but to chuck it away into a category that does not fully represent it would be unfair to it’s author. It is a love story that was written beautifully and I’m thankful that it has been made into a production as such. The costumes were beautiful and the music was nice, although some of it was ‘contemporarized’. I say this because I watched the play when I was much younger and having been trained in classical piano, I get a little edgy with such correction to music that belongs to a play of such a genre.

Oh well, then the thoughts come again. I know it’s never going to happen, not in my life at least, not such a love story. I don’t doubt that something as wonderful or even better (in terms I cannot comprehend) can and may happen if I have the Lord’s blessings with the life partner He has set aside for me, but with the way things are going, all seems, hopeless?

No it doesn’t, I’m just feeling despondent, and I know on the more rational side of my mind that it is not time. God has a purpose for putting me through NS, and I am not going to let my world crumble apart. It can’t, not when whatever process I am going through is part of His plan for me. See the logic or rather the lack of it when people who claim to have faith that God’s in their lives go,

“Oh no, my life is falling apart, everything just is not going my way!”

We love because He first loved us – 1 John 4:19

Lord I truly touch my heart and thank you that you first loved us, and that you gave us love. Lord, help me to understand, appreciate and differentiate the gifts of love and emotions Lord. They compliment one another perfectly at times, and it’s another one of those unexplainable wonders – the feelings that we feel – of your omnipotence Lord. Help me learn that although I love being in touch with those feelings, I have to be matured to accept that maybe the time is just not right yet. Loving that someone special can only come about if you give your blessings, and Lord, that I know that is what truly matters to me. Help me love my friends with the love that you have for them, and that I truly be a friend to them with no selfish intentions Lord. I cherish the angels that you have put in my life and they make me who I am Lord. Continue to help me grow into the person you’ve made me to be, all these I thank You for and pray in Your name.

Amen.

let me go in sequence, since time is on my side today.

had coffee with josh and regina on sunday after bible study. good session, and the takeaway of the session was that there would come a point in time when i would have to tackle issue and not people whether i felt like it or not.
it's going to be like this especially when it invovles humans who's characters are unique to themselves and it ain't going to be easy to change them.

came back to camp, had an ok night's rest, and was preparing myself mentally for the sortie next day, ended up just sleeping a little later not having done much perparation like going through the charts etc

sortie was good, was blessed with a relac-jack CO MAJ DEPAK KUMAR. cool guy! it was a fam-sortie, and i learnt quite a bit. it was definitely a great feeling having the wind in your hair,and a beautiful sight - the wharf retreating to the horizon as we slipped off. standing on the bridge wing with the sun setting thus making the sea red was probably what i enjoyed the most, but some officer had to come spoil it by giving me an attitude when i took over as MOW - Midshipmen Of the Watch. oh well, i've got things to learn, so i shall just suck it up.

then came MOD de-brief. it was supposed to be short. then came along the term de-brief discussion, it was supposed to be short too. but one after another - this wasn't planned - batch mates stood up and voiced out their opinions. some lamented and swore at their unhappiness with certain issues of the batch, and others stood up to take the blame for it. in all sincerity, i'm glad this 'trashing session' took place, but would it really work results? i hope so.
also, the pre-mids are here. i don't want to be to them what the seniors were to us. i hope i can be a friend to them. period.
the day's very very slacked. the regulars are outta camp for dental check-up, thus the NSFs like myself are back at wingline with nothing to do till lunch. after lunch, a DO interview is scheduled, and with cpt leong as our DO.. haha, what else needs to be said?

alright laters.