a friend is what i've decided to be. to you if you choose to let me, and i ain't going to be disappointed if you choose not to.

where are the people when you want them to be around?? tsktsk
sometimes knowledge is a dangerous thing, and no i don't wish to be ignorant, but yeah, sometimes, just sometimes, i wished i didn't know some things. hahahaha
don't get me wrong, i ain't upset, i'm happy in fact =)

i'm not going to sch tomorrow. the queen of the Tan's residence has declared tomorrow an off day, in view that my hand's swollen. she's bringing me to the sinseh tomorrow. my mommy! =)

i did pen some stuff down in the day, will update it later on. need to make a phone call now.

night earth

early night, early morning, long day

it's 924pm, i'm going to bed at 930.
need to wake up at 5am to study physics.
test on tues.

attristé -> saddened

night earth.

directions

we all need directions, in life, for movement, and as guidelines when we make our decisions.

i'm picking up many directional words when i speak to you, and that's creating quite a problem, because it's not clear. it's ambiguous, or maybe cause i don't dare to decide what it actually means. i'm afraid i'm reading too much into it.

"bye" could mean many things to me, it could mean, "let's talk again soon", "i enjoyed today" or even "thank you", but i guess to you it's just 'go away'.

i was thinking of writing much more, but i don't feel like it at the moment.

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i had the inkling to get drunk, but i failed to do so, because i realised that i don't have much liquor at home, and cause i don't want to screw up my weekend. i need it for studying. phy and math papers have been postponed to tues and wed respectively.
i'm drumming tomorrow, maybe i'll drum it all out.
i need to do some evaluating.
i need to do some thinking,
and i need to do some prioritiy shifting.

learning new things everyday

*norah jones in the background*

taking these memories with you, lock those feelings tightly in your memory bank, and be assured that these are the things that are going to spur you on to greater heights, to bigger success, and many other good things.

i've learnt once again, how PR does help in many ways.
i'm not surprised now (worried though), with people telling me that i'm intimidating, in the light of the feedback that i recieved, or rather, didn't recieve. haha.

i'm not a joke, i don't think life's a joke, but i certainly don't like the feeling of being able to realise how stupid i've been.
how being lackadiasical about it in the past could cause the success to be only at this level and not greater.
how being non-caring about welfare can lead to the lack of affirmation.
how being unloving and curt can lead to i being abhorred by some.

i have to start treating the majority of the people in my life the way i'm treating the minority at the moment.
maybe that's something i could work on now since it's over. a new resolution. are we tossing ideas here?

don't feel like saying anymore. i'm happy for those who are happy for obvious reasons, but i'm happy for those who are sad, simply because i know them.

learning new things everyday

energised with euphoria

energiser! NEVER SAY DIE!

is that how the slogan goes? or is that the one for Duracel?

hmmm.. i am happy with the fact that O's going the way it is. He's been VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY merciful! especially with the weather, and bold of me, but i ask but one more day of it from you? pretty pretty please? at least for the evening? cause since W&W has wet weather plans!!!!

ending with a bang! (it's still is an ideal, we'll see about it)

------------------------------------------------------------------

i've been strong, or at least acting to be, and maybe that's where i found the energy to blast out at the problems that surfaced especially from the leaders.
no, i'm not saying i've been personal about it, but yes, don't try to convince me that the things within you aren't interlinked. they affect your mood, energy level, and well-being. all of it, not just sections of it, cause it's never segmented in the first place.

if happiness is a result of love that fuels a passion, that in turn charges up foolhardiness, then was loving ever meant to start?

talk to me, don't tell me stuff. let it be a two way thing.
i am falling apart, i don't deny it, but i pray it doesn't come too soon, and not at the wrong time.

night earth.

a week of challenges ahead!

hahaha, i'm laughing! =)

you know why? cause i choose to! yeap yeap! =) hahahahahahaha

hmmm.. it's going to be a new experience for many people this week, but more so for my family i guess. we're going to ADAPT! =) yeah. hahaha, without domestic help. seriously, i'm looking forward to it. maybe the result will be that i would make a good house husband like my dad is now? i really admire him for that, amongst the many other reaons why i love and respect my daddy! =) hahahaha
hey hey you all out there, be good, be true, and be yourselves! =)

confused

i am. don't doubt it. i'm telling you i am, so don't think otherwise.

sometimes, when you're wondering, the best thing to do is to ask.

i am glad you're back, i'm glad i got to msg you, i'm glad i even got to hear your voice, not once, but twice. thank you.
i think i should learn to be happy with the small mercies i recieve.

i wonder whether you read this, but no, i ain't going to ask you directly. how ironic huh. hmm.. if you want to be nice, let me know you do read?
*crosses fingers*
surprise me pleasantly. that's something i realised i've been hoping for more than once from you.

i popped 3 panadol pills. hope they help me sleep better. the only reason why i ain't in bed yet's cause i don't have the alhena and regulus breakdown of deployment, which is due tonight. hmmm.. tsk tsk.. what can i say? sigh...
goodnight to the world..

say things, when you want to.

my first rock concert, or i would rather say, my first concert.
my first time jumping about like that, without composure, and my not-so-first time worshipping Him in such a loud manner. but i don't care, cause i know it all happened only because He allowed it to.

i'm tempted to rip that album now, but i ain't so sure it's available, and i also ain't so sure i would really allow myself to do that. i might just go get the CD. hahaha, buy it, not rip it. hahaha, i've been such a pirate, but i don't care =p

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"the last thing we need is to fight amongst ourselves, especially at this point in time.."
something i blasted at someone yesterday in view of the crap that's been happening at home. hmmm... quoted from a friend, the worse kind of problems are those that invovle the family, not as support, but the core of the problem.

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thank you cy for the night out, it was nice to be happy with you, and i'll still be praying for you that He giveth unto you whatever you need, be it healing, love, and His blessings. =)

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for those of you who missed the concert, you missed the hottest show in town, you missed out on the greatest party in the nation, and you weren't part of the execution of a great plan. BUT! fear not, because everything will come into the picture someday so long it's in His will, and i am sure all you people are in His mind. wait patiently, and make good use of the time till He decides to use you. =)
till then, that's all folks..

a pleasant surprise just before my nap, no wonder i slept well.. =)

haha, no wj, i didn't drool like you said i would if i slept with a smile on my face, but yeah, i'm pretty sure i slept with a smile. whether it was a smile that was literally on my face, or a smile that i had within me, that part's inconsequential to me. =)

i guess i wasn't disappointed in the last 12 hours and more since she didn't reply, because i never expected her to, but because it wasn't on my mind, it came across as something that really surprised me, and it was a truly pleasant one at that. thank you =)

don't know what this spells, and i don't want to read too deep into it for now, because i believe much has to be learnt, but yes, i know it would come with time.

some say that with luddism, comes about greater appreciation of simple day-to-day actions like smiles, hugs and kisses, but well, maybe it's the case for people who take all these for granted. In my case, where only technology makes communication over the great distance possible, i've learnt today a new lesson about certain things, smiles especially, and some things that we take for granted.

i thank Him, and i thank you for teaching me those things today. i am happy today, i really am. thank you.

the will i can exercise after falling..

as i have said to some of my friends before, love is a will. it's something i still believe in, but from the time i was first convicted of this till now, i've learnt some lessons in between, that were more or less ideas relating to this concept.

although it's wrong to be unequally yolked, i now feel it's ok to like someone who's a non-believer.
it's as simple as that, but it does have underlying meanings, that i choose not to bend at any cost, after lessons learnt the hard way.
i may like someone who's not a Christian, but no, i will not bring myself to be with her, cause i know that there will be an end to it, something which i believe the right relationship doesn't have. that stoppage, that end. you understand me?

i may fall for the wrong person, but after i fall, i can pick myself up, and tell myself to stop liking that person, because the mind in which reason rules the body, it reigns over feelings, if i will myself to do so. quoted from a friend, "although many a time people say they can't help liking that person, i don't think it's what you feel about the person, it's what you do after you know what you feel for that person"
why hurt someone and yourself by embarking on something that you know won't work out? it's not worth getting into a relationship which you can see an end to.

well, not that i would make a perfect boyfriend to my girlfriend in future, but i know somethings.
1. i know i would make you angry at times
2. i know i would disappoint you with who i am many a time
3. i can guarantee you, that both of us would feel like just throwing in the towel when things are down
4. i can't bring you the moon, the stars, even your favourite ice cream, or the CD album you want so desperately sometimes due to my human/technological/monetary limitations

but 5. i know that i would be truthful to you, will myself to love you with all i can give, and have the comfort in my heart knowing that i have the Lord's blessings in making that decision to do so. With the hope that i would one day love you selflessly, that's what i would work towards for you. =)

wallow in self pity i shall not

i'm going to start studying now!!!
just had a nap, it felt good. i shall start on econs now, since i have 4 'extra' days for physics, and my physics stuff is with kash. darn. not blaming her though. hmmm.. burnt a new cd, with a nice array of songs, maybe you'll get to listen to it. i don't know how in the world though. =p
hahaha, take care people. =)

1.24pm

ok, apparently the morning's not been productive at all!
i haven't studied, and i have a new agenda which includes settling MJNostalgia, a new wet weather program that we came up with, but mainly thanks to wensi for her wonderful idea!

THANK YOU WEN SI! (although i know you probably won't read this)

hmm... i ain't going to feel constrained to pen what i used to pen here simply because people read it, although i would appreciated it truly if you could keep what you read here to yourself, or at most between you and i if you really want to tease me about it.

laters people. =)

Diana Ross - If we hold on together

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that song brings some faces into my mind, at least the moments that i captured those images in my mind, they were pleasant.
i won't say i'm not responsible for having made some people in my life cry, neither would i deny that some of them have made me cry too.
crying's not represented by tears to me, although that's controversial to the definition in the dictionary.
crying to me's what i would do when i am helpless about some issues, and joyous to the extent in other times that i have no words.

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Trust is the unjustified exhuberance of comfort from within you towards me, knowing that it would stay this way, so long you and i remain truthful to each other.

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There is a difference between eye candy, -that makes you smile when you see them, cause at least you acknowledge that there are good looking people out there-, and the people whom you smile at at the slightest thought of them, simply because you know they are worth knowing, worth the effort when you do nice things for them, and worth the 3secs that they pop into your head for, because it never fails to bring a smile unto your face from within.
i don't think you're eye candy.

hmm.. take care people. it's a week of mugging, and preparaing for the final lap of orientation.
breakfast the first on the list! then physics and econs!! =)

Cause i'm leaving on a jetplane

Flying for many has always been a luxury, and i'm thankful for the times i've flown first class, only by His grace.
my hope that they all arrive safely, and that no bad thing happen to them whilst they're there, may Him be with them.
something i wrote for someone, no prizes for guessing.

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please go with peace,
but do come back soon.
Play till your heart's content,
do still remember the good times back here.
Love and cherish all you bring there,
come back with new knowledge,
and always be thankful for all you experience there.

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"i'm cautious with my words"
i guess i said that cause i didn't know how otherwise to relpy to your question. don't think you would be reading this, but if you do, try to remember what i requested from you? =) thank you

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no i'm not home, i'm in the school library, and it's my 4.5hour break, cause i have recess, double chinese (of which i no longer take), and then the common lunch that lasts two hours because the muslim guys have to go pray. have TAF later on though.
-need to put on my lenses before i go for TAF-
i'm tired, i shall take a nap now i think.
laters.

Rescue

When the skies are gery and the situation seems ominous,
stretch forth and give me a hand.
a pull towards you, or a simple nudge by the side should do,
don't desert me.

When the lake's undisturbed, the white caps of the mountains still,
when the grass don't sway,
relish the serenity with me,
don't feel awkward with the silence, and know that we're next to each other.

When you're experiencing unadulterated euphoria, and the world is of no concern to you,
i request not to be the cause of this joy,
i ask not, even to share of it,
but all i ask of you, that you would know i'm happy for you.

the graph of life's sino-cosine in nature,
but unlike the everchanging values of life,
friends are the axis's upon which this curve's drawn,
a constant that doesn't change with the variables of life,
something that goes on into eternity,
and hopefully it means something to you.
that's what i hope to be for you in your life.

a friend. you're appreciated. =)

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For the three of you in my life: wJ, Cy, and D

let it speak to you in the way it does.
don't read too deeply into the words, take it as it comes. =)
no doubt friendships that pass the test of time are truly valuable, i don't discount my friendships that i hold close to my heart, even though it may be a new one.
i hold you people close to my heart.

this is something i wrote over a period of 4days,
it was an on and off thing, but yeah, it was drafted because i realised how much some people meant to me. friends to be exact.
i may not be good with my words, but at least i try to tell you what i feel.
i believe in saying things when i mean them, when i want to.
Thank Yous, words of appreciation, and actions of love shouldn't be withheld if anything else should be. this is for you people out there.

Heart of Gold


What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

Surprise me.

plesantly of course, since i'm already expecting not to see you in school today. maybe i'll see you around a bend? or in the canteen? maybe, maybe. but i hope you're recovering well.

have a good day you all out there.