Ocean - Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu & Xing Fu Che Zhan

nothing wrong with these songs, nice ones in fact.

i've been singing quite a bit, something i never really did before, cause i don't think i can really sing.
but i'm trying to find my own voice in all these singing. i don't care if you think i can sing for nuts. that's subjective, and it's not that i care.

i am down, i don't know why.

no, i don't want to seek the solution from You when i go tomorrow.

---------------

cleared up my room,
put up my whiteboard.
started the countdown in my room,
vaccum cleaned the table of the shavings.
the table's clean,
at least i can use the table now.
tomorrow that is.

---------------------

the stage is set for the show to begin.
would it start soon?
will there be an interlude?
or a standing ovation when it's done?
will they demand an encore?
not from the phantom who doesn't live in the theatre,
nor the one who plays music not that of the night.

i'm thankful for being unknown to those who don't know me.
obscurity cloak me, lest i hide my circle in public.

i walk through your gallery of paintings,
those you paint not with brushes or your fingers,
but with words and that of ideals.
it's impressionism in itself,
but why should that matter to you?
let trees be blue,
and the sky red,
and water green,
and the people in the canvas grey.
immortality bestowed upon those you write about,
mortality given to those etched in your heart.
when all's been said and done,
and every last one falls,
then we'll all say,
let it be,
for what will be,
will be.

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the heart pulsated,
the pearls from within.
they never left the window,
but nevertheless they were put into being.

sprained tendon, and an injured hip.

my doc gave me 1 week mc to excuse me from PE, thank you doc!
and for the painkillers too.

---------

i may like you, and you may know, but know this too.
i've come to realise that i ain't ready to love.
don't ask me how i ever came to that conclusion. i just did. i have been so out of touch with all these feelings, that i have decided in these circumstances, it's best i leave them alone for now.

i want to concentrate. on what, i haven't decided, but i know it won't be this.

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i'm thinking of picking up badminton. i'm ok with my hand-eye coordination, but i need to learn the correct strokes from someone. anyone wanna help? and i'm going to get a good racket! it pays to have connections! snigger!! hahaha =p

that's all folks.
time to myself.

i heave a sigh of relief,
i start to breathe once again.
my sense of touch is awakened to the sensations again,
those once felt when i had more sense in my head.
the spinal nerves have not broken down,
it's just that i choose to ignore the screams the signals are transmitting.
the injuries hurt,
but the heart in it's hope is wilted.
logic in the mind seems something to look forward to,
but it's still but another subject of time.

something i wrote some time back, but i'm surprised i remember vividly how i felt. have a good day people. not much has happened, that i think is worth sharing, but nevertheless, i treasure all that's happen. thank you God =)

night people

ok, i admit, i'm still not in control of the situation, and no, neither are you, although yes, you probably have the ability to steer this one way or another.

it's my prayer, that i would help you out of that problem. if you could jump out of that shell of yours, and hop into another one, you would then realise how darn likeable you are. well, i hope that through my actions, i would help you see that someday. but then again, how would that help? since it's you, the one inside you that really makes you all that beautiful anyway.

i'm young, i ain't denying it. and forgive me for the mistakes that i would inevitably make. be truthful with me? cause i really want to be honest with you.
i'm trying to break that wall down. yeah, but i hope it gives way to something that we both could be happy with.

till then, i don't want to rev the engine more than it is at now. i might from time to time if i ever get the confidnce, but guide me. let's do this together. not just me, not just you, make it you and i. yeap.

*for a weird reason, the pro-spore song that goes 'together we'll make a difference... ' hahaha, it's playing in my head. this must be some kinda joke*

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)
 
can you tell i'm happy? if you can't, let me spell it out for you. i'm H-A-P-P-Y! hahahahahahaha

hmmm.. today, the junior councillors stepped up, and it marks the end of my council office. it's not because of that i'm happy. in fact, i wrote in the guest book that 'words have failed me at this moment to express what i feel for the council, the #1s, #2s, and the TAs". truly, i love them all, yes i love mjc's council, and to a pretty large extent, i love mjc. =)

let the truth set you free. i don't know how the words left my mouth, but i'm really glad i told you. thanks for being who you are =) **did i look/sound really dumb? =p hahaha, not that it really matters, cause at least now you know. not that you didn't before, but yeah, at least i got down to telling you. =)

i'm going to have dinner with #1s at whitesands swensens. yay!! =) should i go early to CB to read? i'm quite tempted to do just that, but i'm quite tired, and i'm thinking of taking a nap. hmmm.... ok, i decided against the nap, cause the moment i go down, i'm probably going to miss dinner. hahaha.

45/105

hahaha, those numbers don't seem that dready to me today, as many other things too. haha, after i told you, i guess i was happy. wait, let me rephrase that, i don't need to guess. i know i was =)
i know for sure now that God answers prayers, and yes, it's still going to be in His hands. - i can still hope right? =p -

love gives, and it never takes.

47/108
 
i'm stepping down tomorrow. i ain't kidding. i don't know what i feel about the stepping down and the delivering of my final speech as the president, or the certificate of thanks that i would recieve, or the final time i would wear my blazer, or the last time i would have teachers sniding me as the pres, but yes i can tell you, i'm feeling so much about something (-one) else.

if all that matters is to meet the objective, does everything else go then? does the end justify the means?
i want to let you know, yes i do. but i'm afraid i would lose it. hold it, what do i have now anyway?
well, i have 9 outta 10 times i don't recieve replies to my smses. i have 9.5/10 times my calls are not picked up.
.........................
i have times when i don't dare to speak to you when you're just seated next to me, and yet i also have the constant hope to see you the moment i look up from whatever i'm doing, in hope to spot your face in the multitude of blue.
.........................
i have a mind that tells me the logic or rather the lack of it of pursuing this matter, but yet i can't explain the fact i haven't been able to severe the thoughts from my being. trust me, i tried, and i don't think it has worked out for the good.
.........................
how it turned out this way, from what it used to be from the very start, i have no idea.
where it goes from here, i have no idea either.
if i choose my desired course of action, neither will i have an idea.
give me a clue, that might help, it might just make things seem clearer.

 

49/110
 
people are weird, but yeah, i guess i'm weird at times too, since i'm human too.
maybe it ain't really all weird, just a different kinda norm, get my point? haha.
ok, i started reading Sophie's World, i was forewarned that it is really dry, but i'm finding it really interesting. =) hope i can persevere to the end.
 
'if it happens, it does, if it doesn't, it doesn't, nothing you can do about it.' so true, thanks Daniel. it put my heart at ease. =)
 
4 days to stepping down. amen - let it be.
 
context is very important. learnt that while i was thinking of some stuff, but not the time to pen it down at this point in time. have things to do. maybe when it's all been said and done, then i'll write about it.
 
as for now, i'm going to talk to Him, and then i'm going to bed, cause i'm tired. i didn't manage to get my usual sunday afternoon nap, so i know i'll fall asleep early tonight, and that's what i'm going to do. sleep early, and get up at say 430? yeah. that's what i'll do =)
 
goodnight people

50 days to prelims, 111 days to A levels.
 
hmmm.. yeah, those numbers are going to keep dropping, and i need to keep going at them.
 
just some quick updates,
i just placed my deposit for my Instroke Buffaloe cue case. it's really pretty, you could check it out at http://www.instroke.com/cgi-bin/catalog_1/showpict.pl?login=&item=BUF2X4 if you're interested.
Also, i won't be playing pool till at least the prelims are over, cause i figured i don't need that distraction, so i decided to make a decision, so that i can get it out of my system once and for all at least till the prelims are over.
 
i don't know if Ms Lai's going to see my parents, cause a few of my friends already got a call from the school regarding their results and were asked to make an appointment with Ms Lai. If or otherwise, either way, i'm getting down to doing my stuff, getting the act together, and striving for it.
 
Tomorrow: will be having BS, yay! and we're going to sit pastor Tim Tan down for coffee after BS, exciting session. hope the crossfire won't be that great amongst some individuals, but yeah, i know it won't, because they're all mature people. =)
 
then i'm coming home to do my math, and another week of school starts all over again. hmmm.. i am still coughing, hope i can recover before tuesday so that i will be fit enough to exercise. i just got home, so i need to go shower, and then i'm off to lalaland. medicine before that though. hmmm.. all you people out there, just get your act together, and the whole show would more or less work out for the better, at least for His purpose it would =)

113

i got an mc from the doctor. and a 3day leave from PE.
i need to sleep, but i'm not tired mentally, physically i'm worn out though.
need to do my math, trigo, differentiation and integration i shall do tomorrow for the whole day after clearing my tutorials.

ok, it won't be for the whole day, but at least for most of it.
i need to finish up my book, Angels and Demons. haha.
i will start on Sophie's World after that.
enough of Dan Brown for now, need to read some stuff that would get me thinking.

haha, then i guess i'll finish up the rest of the Dan Brown books after SW. He's quite good i must admit, generally captivates his readers by the facts that he slams ever so casually in your face. cool style of writing, and i'm sure lots of effort must have went into it; making it seem like it was second nature to him even though you know it was anything but, i salute him =)

took my medicine, i purposely took an overdose of the cough medicine. hope it knocks me to out cold. i need to sleep, at least for the night that i get an MC. don't want to waste it.

many people are falling sick, please take care all you people out there.
to you: hope you clear your deadlines successfully, don't get too stressed up. =) remember to smile. will be praying for you.
and to you:i am thankful for the small mercies in life. continue to be who you are, and the new look's really nice =)

to all of you: goodnight people.

114 - i have to go all the way down before i can bounce back up.

it's weird that i'm up at this time. haha, i woke up a whole hour earlier than usual, probably cause i thought i set my alarm to 530, but it was actually 430. haha. hmmm.. good that i'm up actually, need some quiet time to myself to think things through, although i probably spend this time doing my tutorials. would catch up on my math Trigo in the 3 period break today that i have before the math revision lectures. it seems to be the only subject that i can do anything about these days.

haven't really been thinking, haven't really been thanking.
i've been worrying too much,
and above all that, i've been too self-centered and concerned about the short term all over once again.

if it means that i be grounded, then ground me. i ain't really interested in going out with anyone in particular nowadays anyway. maybe i'll just be a cooped up old grumpy hermit locked up in my room with my books, and i just read and read, and read. i can't say that i won't yearn to play pool, cause i really love it, but sometimes we have to lock our feelings aside i guess.

alright, i'm off to talk to Him, decided to do so before i start the day. hope it's a day in which His purpose if fufilled.

morning people. =)

116

well, The Bloke's been very much in my weekend, and we've haven't been talking alot, but i know He's waiting quietly at the corner. i've not given my fair share of time, and it's probably why i feel the weekend zoom past without much meaning anyway.

ok, before i pop out of the house to church and then for an early afternoon relaxing, before i come back and nap, here's the homework list.
1. Econs Essay
2. GP written work - need to pack the file i guess
3. general packing of the file i carry around, the notes are all in a mess.
4. AOB relating to work i guess.

where my heart is, would be where i feel happy being, it's where i would be when i'm unhappy too, cause it'll be the place i would want to be, whatever i feel, whenever i can, and with whomever i may be with.

woah, it's been fast and furious this whole week.
handi came, handi went.
i'm happy today. spent time with shaun although i was let down by a friend.
was quite happy with the fact that my first 2 movements of my first exam piece has improved. really need to work on that 3rd movement, and my scales too.

glad i attended the forum in church. was interesting. must learn to curb my impulsiveness in showing my state of mind through my body language.

Dan Brown's Angels and Demons is proving to be quite an interesting read, as The Da Vinci Code was.

need to complete some homework over the weekend, hope i can settle down and adapt quickly.

time is running out!!!!!!!!!!

117 days as of 10th July 2004

hmmm.. but yeah, as piglet said, let the joy of the Lord be our strength. happy birthday piglet =)

i'm tired, and there's school later on in the morning at 840. night people

first day of school after a long weekend.
i'm tired. no, i'm zonked out. i didn't have enough sleep last night, and the weekend's worth of traning and not-sleeping wore me down. i'm going to catch up on sleep now, and i'm getting up early to tidy up my room, and then do my tutorials.

physics and math to clear before the day starts.
it's going to a tough, furious, demanding and strenuous term, hope i survive.

to you, yeah you: your term's going to be tough too i heard from you, but yeah, stick in there, you'll survive by His strength, didn't meet you for as long as i would have hoped for last week, hope to see you soon again.

night people.

the Euro has been a total flop. haha, the underdogs won, 1-0. hmmm, but i guess it's been great progress for Portugal though.

hmmm.. i'm at ah goh's place now. spend the night talking to him after soccer, glad i came afterall.
so much to say, so little time, no wonder you give your time to the people you love most. hmmm.. i truly love him as a brother, and i thank God for him =)

going to meet handi in a while's time, that's after i get home though, cause i need to get lunch first. that's all for now i guess.

laters people =)