it has been way too long.
and so much has transpired from the last time i wrote online.
from what i can recollect from the last two entries.. bitterness stands out..
definitely from the entry regarding that huge quarrel in which the exchange was brought up.
and anger once again is what makes me want to write on this blog again.. cause you just managed to piss me off with your ignorance and incessant childishness.
but i'm reminded that i write for myself, and if you were to be the central topic and reason that i wrote, then it would be about you, which i ain't too keen on allowing it to be.
so yeah. i'm letting it go really. i'll just drink a glass of cold water to cool down literally.. and let it go.
Monday, April 25, 2011
health
this reflection started out as a reflection on my health - with particular reference to my sleeping hours since i was and am still sleeping at weird hours and not usually clocking sufficient hours per day. but it strayed off to the point of natural reactions to our surroundings and the people around us; our nature.
i recalled that not too long ago i was once again reminded that from the first Adam who sinned, it is only in our very nature to sin too; rebel against the holy nature of God.
with conditioning/training from young with family, we might feel guilt when we lie, cheat, steal or basically sin.
but with reverse conditioning - when the rod ceases to fall and the nagging dwindles with age - it becomes evident that it is only natural for us to sin.
therefore i came to the conclusion that the immediate reaction to our negative circumstances, is always the easier way out.
the immediate reaction that results usually from anguish, anger or panick tends to be one that we regret. it's why we're taught from young to hold our tongue, and to be grow up - think before we act.
take for example - when a nagging parent chides a child about being unholy, being far away from God, and being a disgrace, it's natural that the child's ego is bruised, his emotions burn with hurt and to lash back in retort would be 2nd nature.
to respond with sniding remarks of how 'Godly' the parent is in judging, and hurting a child like this would certainly render a parent speechless either in hopelessness or in shock as an initial reaction.
but my point is this, it would be easy to lash back in the fashion, but it is hardly loving at all of the child to do so. sure parents have the upper hand, and it's a mandate given by the One who made the universe the way it is. i'm just not so sure we want to behave in our natural ways that one day all hell breaks loose simply because mankind acts solely upon the natural reaction to circumstances; that would make us no different from beasts of the wild.
i recalled that not too long ago i was once again reminded that from the first Adam who sinned, it is only in our very nature to sin too; rebel against the holy nature of God.
with conditioning/training from young with family, we might feel guilt when we lie, cheat, steal or basically sin.
but with reverse conditioning - when the rod ceases to fall and the nagging dwindles with age - it becomes evident that it is only natural for us to sin.
therefore i came to the conclusion that the immediate reaction to our negative circumstances, is always the easier way out.
the immediate reaction that results usually from anguish, anger or panick tends to be one that we regret. it's why we're taught from young to hold our tongue, and to be grow up - think before we act.
take for example - when a nagging parent chides a child about being unholy, being far away from God, and being a disgrace, it's natural that the child's ego is bruised, his emotions burn with hurt and to lash back in retort would be 2nd nature.
to respond with sniding remarks of how 'Godly' the parent is in judging, and hurting a child like this would certainly render a parent speechless either in hopelessness or in shock as an initial reaction.
but my point is this, it would be easy to lash back in the fashion, but it is hardly loving at all of the child to do so. sure parents have the upper hand, and it's a mandate given by the One who made the universe the way it is. i'm just not so sure we want to behave in our natural ways that one day all hell breaks loose simply because mankind acts solely upon the natural reaction to circumstances; that would make us no different from beasts of the wild.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
some things aren't ever going to change...
it ain't going to change that i wasn't given a choice to leave the country for further studies.
it ain't going to change the fact that you let me go for my exchange stint with bitterness of the cost.
it ain't going to change that you said many things that upset me and you expect me to forget it all when you keep bringing them up yourself.
it doesn't fucking change that you can say anything you want to in any way cause you think all these things...
well fuck you and fuck all these things that you think.
i'm sick and tired of this shit.
i really am.
it ain't going to change the fact that you let me go for my exchange stint with bitterness of the cost.
it ain't going to change that you said many things that upset me and you expect me to forget it all when you keep bringing them up yourself.
it doesn't fucking change that you can say anything you want to in any way cause you think all these things...
well fuck you and fuck all these things that you think.
i'm sick and tired of this shit.
i really am.