i'm lost.
i'm found.
i'm struggling.
i'm free.
i'm joyful.
i'm down.
i'm excited.
i'm dead bored.

i'm many things.
it wouldn't matter if i'm all these without you.
help me remember 'you' should be the reason, the end, the begining, and the means of all i am, do, and say.

C.O.N.T.A.G.I.O.U.S

my close friends would know i don't like being on a certain side of a camera lense.
go figure out which one, if you know me at all. haha..

anyway, the point of this entry's cause i'm thinking aloud.
i'm wondering why, how, and whether or not it makes sense, or whether it needs to make sense.
to myself, or to anyone for that matter.

it may be here to stay the way things are, or they may change.

what will be will be.. que sera sera...

even when it all comes crashing down..
i will still praise you as Lord God Almighty.

andrew's dad commented..
"wah.. like mafia like that.. "
hahaha..

it's the only thing that holds me back from turning away and never looking back..
it's unbearable, uncontrollable, and yet so liberating.

we love.. because He first loved us.
for those of you out that who flinch at what you so presume as a cliche,
my advice for you if you would accept it,
would be to do away with all of them,
but this one.

The precious blood of Jesus Christ redeems,
forgiven I’m alive,
restored set free.

Your majesty resides inside of me,
forever I believe.
forever I believe.

arrested by your truth and righteousness
your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness
convicted by your spirit,
led by your word

your love will never fail
your love will never fail

‘Cause I know you gave,
the world your only son for us to
know your name,
to live within the saviours love
and he took my place,
knowing he’d be crucified
and you loved.. you loved,
a people undeserving!

chronic's a pretty serious word.
being anti-social is not desireable.
i think i suffer from a chronic disability of socializing with people.
honest.

i've come to realise that patience; waiting upon the Lord whilst He takes His time to answer your questions gives rise to no doubt, no questioning, and best of all, an otherwise unimaginable amount of grace to accept.

thank you for conversation,
thank you for the time,
thank you for the friendship that was.

=)

handsome right? you decide which one... hahaha


this one's definitely cute.. =) hahaha.. adorable..


2 very close brothers of mine.. thank God for them..

when we reacquaint ourselves with old skills,
some call it knowledge-refreshment.
being honest about it,
let's come to terms that the only reason why 'refreshment' is required,
is cause we ain't masters of that skills yet,
and i don't think we'll ever be.
now i think i'm in the right frame of mind to tackle the question of why You're putting me through it all.

this repeated process was somewhat not received well,
but with the realization that it's necessary,
i think i wanna submit in obedience.
i do,
i honestly want to be able to say that nothing within my capacity can match up to the simplest of your plans,
help me do that please.
i'm messed up,
and i know you love messes like myself,
help me accept the fact that i can be loved,
and that you do love me.
i ain't mopping,
i ain't crying,
i'm rejoicing that You're God, my King, no one else... nothing compares.

you... could be my unintended...

that's a line from Muse - unintended.
sappy song, kinda moppy too. haha.
and i laughed when i heard it.
but that's cause i'm crying within.
no i'm not upset, i'm just being in touch with the many feelings i've been equipped with.

i think therefore i am.

no, i do not intend to come across as being philosophical today.
i just thought it was apt, but out of context.

silent bubbling excitement,
radical,
happiness,
joy,
acceptance,
sadness,
and embracing life.

some things once said,
maybe not agreed upon by great men,
are etched into history,
only a secret few would ever comprehend.

thanks for conversation.

i honestly think it's a nice cute bag.
it tickled me quite a bit, so yeah.

when we win, we praise God; when we lose, we praise God.

it's amazing how things fall into place,
when you decide to get right with the Lord.
and you thought you knew better huh..
tsk tsk.. once bitten twice shy obviously didn't apply here.
but so long we learn, that's what matters.

i ain't nice to you for a particular reason.

i'm nice cause i choose to be. period.

and as for you, it was really awkward the way you stared, so i shall not think about it for now. really, maybe not for a long time to come. not till it starts to defy logic once again.

i'm shelving those plans for now.

it doesn't change the fact you first appeared to the world on that day.

i was 3, at most 6 inches away from it.
to a physics person dealing with atoms, that's miles apart.
to a musician, that probably doesn't mean anything at all, apart from how far the cellist is from the viola player.
to an accountant, it's probably the thickeness of 2 audit books.

so honestly, i ain't blaming you for what you think. you are anyone. i'm myself. so yeah.

after much deliberation,
and also talking to people with more experience,

i'm settling for the Honda Cb400 Super4.
probably Spec II or Spec III. depending on availability.

for now, i'm going to look on the bright side of life,
there's popiah for dinner, after which i'm heading back to hostel.

it's her birthday today by the way, yeah, the country's.

there're some boys who make good boyfriends,
and others who make good husbands.

till that time where one is both,
i see no point.

i'm running from reality, but if that's my reality, who are you to say anything?

i felt a great grief.
whoever said you can only feel the hurt for those you knew obviously fail to realise this sorta pain.

i've moved out.
i've moved in.

Thank You for Your providence.
Amen.

i think i'm mad to be up at this time. yes it's 5 in the morning.
i'll be driving later, so i'm going to need liquid gold that comes from cherry seeds. haha.

take care you all out here, cause i'm heading west.

i was highly disturbed this morning halfway thru worship.

an abrupt feeling of despair overcame me, because i forgot a simple truth.

the Lord shall be praised in all circumstances - whether good or bad - simply for who He is.

Lord when you're glorified,
my heart is satisfied to know,
all praise and honour are Yours,
and when all creation sings,
to you the King of kings,
all praise and honour are Yours.

help me be less critical when looking at others;
more critical when i look at my reflection in the mirror.
help me be less worried about the things i have no control over;
and more worried about the things you've entrusted into my hands.

it takes me approx 40mins to get to school via the ECP from parkway, at 90km/h.
and 20mins from school to home, via the PIE, at max speed.

remember, it's about him, not you.

interesting how my previous thoughts are being worded by people whom i speak to.

very interesting indeed.

well, i will take note of the advice. thanks for it.

jing, it's uncanny.
i mention to you casually on hindsight the last thing we talked about, and the very next day, i come face to face with my last major problem once again.

it's creepy, and it's depressing.

first and the last?
i don't know, honestly i'm not sure.
i'll let you know in future i guess.

You crossed the great divide, You took our place
You offered up Your life though we have failed
the veil was torn and love remained
You are holy Lord

Distraction costs us, how we seek Your face
we offer up our lives to bring You praise
a love the walls cannot contain
You are holy Lord

We're rising up in spirit and in truth
a living sacrifice we worship You
people undivided, Lord hear us sing
we are Yours and You are our King

This is our love
Hearts joined as one
Desperate for all You are
Lord break down these walls
and see how we love
Desperate for all You are
We chase Your heart

We didn´t come to leave here entertained
or worship under any other name
we're crying out for You alone
You are holy Lord

-------

Show us the way to Your heart

we found our voice
we found our cause
were on our knees, the carpet's worn
we join our hearts
with distant shores and sing to You Lord

monday: tuition 330pm till 6pm.
tuesday: piano make up for Sheryl at 6pm, then lunch with shuhui, tanya, and joyce.
wednesday: tuition with cheryl, followed by tuition with prisc.
thursday: tuition with Isaac, tuition with evan.
friday till next tuesday: BANGKOK! hahaha.

temporal relief in an on-going, never-ending battle.
it cannot go on like this.

it's weird how the torrential effect is always right after the accounting.
it's logical, yet uncanny.

what good's a key that does not unlock a lock?
but the lock does not lose it's meaning when the key ceases to exist.
it's cause some things are just meant to be locked away,
never to be unlocked ever again.

i. zza 'belle says:

doing stuff
ha. i miss jing man

roy - it's still not time. says:

haha. yeah i miss her too.
hahaha

that i struggle,
that i feel pain,
and that i feel the things i feel,
i know my place as human,
and You as God.

13 was injustice.
simplistic.
a twist was present,
but it was puny in comparison to the brillance of the previous 2 i guess.

nevertheless to make it on the big screen,
effort was put in,
thus i gave it credit.

when some are away,
and others are here,
whilst most are asleep,
but few are awake,
i ask myself questions,
to which i don't have the answers yet,
or maybe i'm the one running away from what i know lies within me.

i honestly need to scream out.
i can't.
because i know it would stumble.
maybe the liquid within the crystal would help after all.
why do i sense a downward spiral?

and the truth shall set you free.
somehow i'm being prompted slowly but surely to let the truth be heard.
i know it might be painful for some, but peace is what i can hope for.

where there is conflict, let there be reconciliation.
where there is pain, let there be healing.
where there is apathy, let there be love.
and where there are souls, let there be the Lord.
hug, i miss You, thank You for being there.

need i say more?

280337H May 07

the stupid things i do just to see you smile

032305H May 07

my heart goes out to them VS to hell with all of them.
restraint VS letting loose
me VS i

you see, i'm not getting the full picture; it's not about me. so quit it.

030035H May 07

in this game of chess,
sometimes a move can be both right and wrong,
depending on which side of the chess board you are on.

015216H Apr 07

Don't over-spiritualize, or over-mechanize it.
but it doesn't mean you don't keep yourself in check.

15 Apr 07

infatuated with the idea of infatuation

10 Apr 07

it's been a while now.
been thinking, reflecting, or whatever you might call it.
i shall remain silent when it happens.
it's the best for us all.

Listen
to the song here in my heart
a melody I start but can't complete
Listen
to the sound from deep within
Its only beginning to find release
Ohh the time has come
for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own,
all 'cause you won't listen

[chorus]
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own

You should have listened

There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed
Aside or turned
Into your own
All 'cause you won't listen

[chorus]
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't

Listen
to the song here in my heart
A melody I start, but I will complete
Now I am done believing you
You don't know not what I am feeling
I'm more than what you've made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I got to find my own - my own

30 Mar 07
my heart aches with a bittersweet pain

21 Mar 07
when i get home,
i need to start running,
i'll do so in the club so that i can get a tan as well and swim too,
but it's going to be more of watching my health and fitness on the whole.

i hope to get a temp job, but not just yet.
i need to get Shaun a present,
but i'm holding my horses because of what jiejie mentioned.
i'll sit on the decision for a while more before deciding.

i miss home.
not that it sucks here,
i'm really having a good time. =)
but i miss some people back home.
yeah.

taking it easy; taking a breather

1And the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, 2"Speak to all the congregation of the people of Israel and say to them, You shall be holy, for I the LORD your God am holy. 3Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, and you shall keep my Sabbaths: I am the LORD your God. 4Do not turn to idols or make for yourselves any gods of cast metal: I am the LORD your God.

5"When you offer a sacrifice of peace offerings to the LORD, you shall offer it so that you may be accepted. 6It shall be eaten the same day you offer it or on the day after, and anything left over until the third day shall be burned up with fire. 7If it is eaten at all on the third day, it is tainted; it will not be accepted, 8and everyone who eats it shall bear his iniquity, because he has profaned what is holy to the LORD, and that person shall be cut off from his people.

Love Your Neighbor As Yourself 9"When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap your field right up to its edge, neither shall you gather the gleanings after your harvest. 10And you shall not strip your vineyard bare, neither shall you gather the fallen grapes of your vineyard. You shall leave them for the poor and for the sojourner: I am the LORD your God.

11"You shall not steal; you shall not deal falsely; you shall not lie to one another. 12You shall not swear by my name falsely, and so profane the name of your God: I am the LORD.

13"You shall not oppress your neighbor or rob him. The wages of a hired servant shall not remain with you all night until the morning. 14You shall not curse the deaf or put a stumbling block before the blind, but you shall fear your God: I am the LORD.

15"You shall do no injustice in court. You shall not be partial to the poor or defer to the great, but in righteousness shall you judge your neighbor. 16You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand up against the life[a] of your neighbor: I am the LORD.

17"You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him. 18You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.

You Shall Keep My Statutes 19"You shall keep my statutes. You shall not let your cattle breed with a different kind. You shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor shall you wear a garment of cloth made of two kinds of material.

20"If a man lies sexually with a woman who is a slave, assigned to another man and not yet ransomed or given her freedom, a distinction shall be made. They shall not be put to death, because she was not free; 21but he shall bring his compensation to the LORD, to the entrance of the tent of meeting, a ram for a guilt offering. 22And the priest shall make atonement for him with the ram of the guilt offering before the LORD for his sin that he has committed, and he shall be forgiven for the sin that he has committed.

23"When you come into the land and plant any kind of tree for food, then you shall regard its fruit as forbidden.[b] Three years it shall be forbidden to you; it must not be eaten. 24And in the fourth year all its fruit shall be holy, an offering of praise to the LORD. 25But in the fifth year you may eat of its fruit, to increase its yield for you: I am the LORD your God.

26"You shall not eat any flesh with the blood in it. You shall not interpret omens or tell fortunes. 27You shall not round off the hair on your temples or mar the edges of your beard. 28You shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves: I am the LORD.

29"Do not profane your daughter by making her a prostitute, lest the land fall into prostitution and the land become full of depravity. 30You shall keep my Sabbaths and reverence my sanctuary: I am the LORD.

31"Do not turn to mediums or wizards;[c] do not seek them out, and so make yourselves unclean by them: I am the LORD your God.

32"You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the LORD.

33"When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong. 34You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.

35"You shall do no wrong in judgment, in measures of length or weight or quantity. 36You shall have just balances, just weights, a just ephah, and a just hin:[d] I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt. 37And you shall observe all my statutes and all my rules, and do them: I am the LORD."

the life you gave,
and the life you're giving,
that difference is Jesus.
you had Him,
stop pushing Him away,
do you not reciprocate His yearning?
lost you were,
hold on fast lest you slip back into the abyss,
learn both hard and easy,
but learn at the end of the day.

are we meant to be stuck in this endless cycle of repentance and guilt?
just cause a team works well with the way they've always worked, doesn't imply that their way's the best way to go about doing things, so does that mean that although this is the way life is led in this fashion, do we go about it mindlessly? do we try to break the cycle? or do we just give up?

i'm quite sick of it really.

it scares me to think that science has somehow managed to observe a pattern in human beings that we all seek for spouses, who are like our parents by nature. it's scary, for this, i hope i'm the minority.

that was taken on our drive around in Tasmania. Nissan X-trail, something i wouldn't drive in future, but nevertheless, thankful i got to try it. heheh

it's off to another part of the continent.
we've all been up since 170500K Feb 07, and somehow the reality of whatever was said yesterday in the presence of each other is slowly sinking in.
it's something we never got to do in the last 4 years,
what more over a special occassion and meal,
a refreshing experience it has been indeed.

-Always trust God, as we have, and as we're going to.
-Blood is thicker than water.
-Being clear about where you're going's better than never having thought about it.
-Never shortchange yourself - imagine whether you want your children to behave like that in future.
-Grateful.

all that decadence, exchanged for the world's most expensive yet free gift of salvation.

nah, thanks but no thanks. it's appealing really, but it's simply not worth it.

Jul 2005 - Feb 2007

time of death: 161500K Feb 07

was pronounced dead by owner at 3pm en route next stop for shopping with family, due to overuse. memorial service was held in the washroom of a student apartment on Viller Street, and one minute of silence was observed.

if you were wondering who/what i was speaking of, it was my right contact lense. i threw it away, it's shelf life was estimated to be 1.5 years, so it did serve it's time well. thankfully i've got a spare trial pair with me here in the melbourne, or i would so die from the sunshine here because my eyes are very sensitive to bright light, and it doesn't happen to be the dreary dark season down south at this time of the year.

ok, we're off to reunion dinner at Crown. interesting the experience has been thus far since it's my first celebrating CNY overseas. it's a good break from the monotony of tradition too.

if she's not the one i'll fight for her
but if she is God will fight for her

just something i learnt.
i'm not sure the condition of my heart.
don't ask me,
i ain't telling.
really.
well, at least not to just anyone.

till the day i say 'i do' to my future wife, these two ladies would remain the two most important in my life.

mad rush.
so much so the pain in my fingers hurt only after a night's rest.
too busy being angry,
for no apparent reason,
or at least i can't figure out in this point in time what it is.

on a random note, i'm switching to teh-O from my usual Kopi,
no idea why.

i'm looking forward to the trips very much,
i hope all goes well with ticketing; for both occassions.

no prizes for guessing where this is

trust me on this,
i ain't going to blame you even if you gave up,
it's not been easy i know,
i've not been easy.

choices we make,
consequences we live with,
so till you beg to differ,
i'll see you when i see you next.

1. a bag of scallops
2. 50 Pcs of DVDRs
3. 2 bottles of Irish Cream
4. SHISEIDO moisturizer - Pureress Range (light blue)
5. Bolster Cover (white/blue)
6. Blue NIV bible

just in case any of you are wondering, this is the list of things i'm supposed to bring over to melbourne for my sister. just in case i lose the list itself, so that i can always refer to it.

Taken whilst in a furniture shop, obviously shooting towards a mirror, thus i was able to capture this shot. haha. i was amazed i dind't move at all, and neither did my hand shake, so the picture turned out fine.

ain't he a darling? hahah.. he's none other than Lam Le En, Pastor Lam Kuo Yong's second son.. hehehe.. all his children are so lovely, but i've yet to capture a picture of them all yet. soon soon..

8 Jan 07

the pain made it easier,
i ain't saying it's easy now.
the denied chance for release,
was given to me anyway,
maybe a little too late,
but still in good time.

till then, take care.