28 Oct 06 [9-2]

it's easy when you love them,
loving them's the hard thing.

Father teach me to love like you do.

24 Oct 06

i'm exactly 2 weeks from that day. yeah.
7 Nov 07. i'm sure it would be an experience in intself.

i don't want to be numb. i want to feel, i want to love. because i know Jesus loves.
He could have very much chosen to be numb to all that was happening around Him, but because He chose to love, God's salvation plan was all the more beautiful, all the more perfect.

hmmmm... i'm still waiting and praying on it, i don't wanna act yet. i don't feel peace with that idea at this point in time. thank you all for praying with and for me and also this issue. i feel loved, thank you all.

the right thing at the wrong time makes it a wrong thing.
i've tied that idea somehow to what i've just experienced in terms of feelings. i really felt happy for you reading the little snippets in your life, but it's not something i can reconcile with. i touch my heart in all honesty to tell you i truly did smile, but i cannot credit that smile to whatever's going on, simply because it's inherently wrong. i ain't here to judge. trust me on this one, i've learnt i'm hardly in any position to comment, less judge. i want to be your friend to hear you out on this one, to walk with you where no one seems to want to go with you (although you should know that there are many out there who are willing to go with you), and more importantly, to cry with you when you need to. so till that day comes where honesty and love embraces this friendship two-way, i'll be praying for you.

20 Oct 06

Wow i love that man's sense of humour, dry as it may be, and more importantly, i look up to him for the way His heart is in tune with God.
i love You Lord.

18 Oct 06
blueprints. the transparent, total see-through, layout of a structure.
i'm glad God was the architect of my blueprints.
Lord please help me be real with myself,
knowing that i'm man and You're God.
---------
i squeezed out the blood from my right index finger, and although i re-opened the wound, i guess cleaning up the wound helped in it's healing. it's not hurting as though there's an infection anymore.
also i got a new medical toy, it's a syringe that helps me wash out the food that's stuck in the new holes in my gum where my wisdom teeth used to be, it's really effective.
till the Lord comes home, take care you all =)

17 Oct 06
I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

17 Oct 06

and i woke up with a sore right index finger, mild infection i suppose.
i want to be a joyful soul =)

i am imperfect.
i need the Lord,
i have the Lord,
and i will always have Him.

thank God.

these are some facts i could really live with, for now and forever.

11 Oct 06

i want to be better. for you.

10 Oct 06

i really am sorry, sorry that i don't know what to do or say to make you feel the way you used to. i'm not looking to blame anyone, although i know it would be i, but i'm looking in hope that things would turn for the better. i really am.

5 Oct 06

what's the phone for when the line is dead?
or the shell when it's empty?
the box when the contents aren't inside,
or the gold wrapping when the gift simply ain't there?

i think i found out.
it's for the show.
the show goes on,
no matter what,
the show goes on.

4 Oct 06

i've ascertained that i'm a substance abuser.
so sue me.

if you're here to judge, spare me your lectures and sentence me what's due. just get on with it, since it's got to go there somehow someday anyway.
at least for that period, i forget that i'm nothing but a pile of walking ash, so go home crying to your mama if you realise that someday down the road, then maybe you i would see you on that same alley, and i'll look at you, but i'll smile.

3 Oct 06

this is the first post i'm putting up after i've changed the template. i ain't expecting miracles, just thought it looked pleasant.
please continue to be safe, and i would be happy knowing you are.

so raw,
so blatant,
but that's the cost i've to pay.

i'm here to honour God, not man.
so say what you like, and i'll do what i deem fit with the peace that only He can provide.

Oct 1 Day 19 18
Oct 2 Night 18 17
Oct 3 Off - 16
Oct 4 Standby - 15
Oct 5 Day 17 14
Oct 6 Night 16 13
Oct 7 Off - 12
Oct 8 Standby - 11
Oct 9 Day 15 10
Oct 10 Night 14 9
Oct 11 Off - 8
Oct 12 Standby - 7
Oct 13 Day 13 6
Oct 14 Night 12 5
Oct 15 Off - 4
Oct 16 Standby - 3
Oct 17 Day 11 2
Oct 18 Night 10 1
Oct 19 Off - 0
Oct 20 Standby - -
Oct 21 Day 9 -
Oct 22 Night 8 -
Oct 23 Off - -
Oct 24 Standby - -
Oct 25 Day 7 -
Oct 26 Night 6 -
Oct 27 Off - -
Oct 28 Standby - -
Oct 29 Day 5 -
Oct 30 Night 4 -
Oct 31 Off - -
Nov 1 Standby - -
Nov 2 Day 3 -
Nov 3 Night 2 -
Nov 4 Off - -
Nov 5 Standby - -
Nov 6 Day 1 -
Nov 7 Night 0 -

as you can tell, i was bored, but no i wasn't upset. i'm observing my sabbath, because i know my God is a great God, and i'm resting in His presence, on a day set aside to praise Him. =)

the first 3 columns are self explainatory, the 4th's the number of watches left, and 5th would be the days to the coming home of the english princess =)