only the guilty defend themselves

i choose to believe you can take me for my word at it.

i wanted to rebutt your defense, but i saw no point.
it ain't about your beliefs, it ain't about the points you and i choose to make, and neither is it about him in any way. it's about Him.

i was hurt when you retorted the way you did, or at least i took it as a retort. the reply was lightning quick and swift like well trained reflexes. and i thought it could only be like that because you had given lots of thought to it, and i should credit you for that. it showed that you didn't go ahead with your decision in the blur of emotions like many others tend to.

there would come a day where misunderstandings would be cleared up because when we're home with Him, he would help us understand all that we don't to the best of our abilities since we are limited and He's not. i'm praying that day would come soon, i've got my own questions.

thank you for loving me

thank you for talking,
thank you for hearing me out.
thank you for wanting me to have good things too,
thank you for comforting me.
thank you for the way you hold my hand when we walk,
thank you for the sharing the warmth of your family love,
and thank you for loving me.

of the list i posted 2 entries back, i've not gotten a single thing.

haven't been shopping and pampering myself in view of the no.1 thing i want on that list - of which i've more or less decided to christian Zecariah - but the others i don't see the immediate need to have anyway.

i don't need to carry Feri around very much now, so crumpler can wait.

i don't see the need for the iPod plug in, cause i don't drive, and i'm kidding myself saying i could make use of it in the living room area or the other radios around in the house. the key point is, i could. i don't.

i don't need the new shoes now, the weather's been fine, and i'm lazy to go down to queensway to get it. not alone anyway, and since no one wants to go, i'll use that as an excuse to save money. interesting point to note though, that simple shops like bata down at century square also has pretty nice designs. i'm only worried about comfort though. Shaun's got a really nice pair from Nike, but that wasn't from Singapore, so yeah, no need to entertain that thought now anyway.

well, i did get some stuff though. a new Nalgene bottle, it's nice, and it's blue. it's the prettier of the two colours. the other's pale green. if only they had red. i would have jumped on it.

i wasn't kidding with mom when i told her i wanted to earn 5Million dollars by the time i'm 35. and i could tell she wasn't kidding either when she replied. i would seriously consider those options. but it's not going to be easy with my schedule.

i wasn't surprised when she told me also yesterday in the car that she would go if jie gets her PR, since there is nothing here that would hold her back. with extended family like that, with the exception of a few good friends that the Lord has blessed her with, i don't see why she would want to stay either. if she goes, and Shaun and i are left here. i would be in Uni, with Shaun in NS by the time she actually goes over, -earliest that is- yes that would be interesting.

been so far away.
and i'm going to visit a place this saturday, a place i used to be so frequently there, almost family.
i hope it goes well.

i've got more to say, but i just don't feel compelled to type it out.

would you believe it if i told you i was crying within?

i'm fat.

and i'm silent because i'm hearing things.

some of what i hear makes me think,

other things make me cringe,

and yet, still others make me sigh and cry.

good night.

here's the list (if you're interested to help me strike things off, let me known asap =])

1. Nikon D70s
2. TuneCast FM Mobile Transmitter - but i don't like the one with the wire that sticks out, anyone know where to get the one that sits nicely on the top of your ipod?
3. Crumpler 17" laptop bag for my ferrari (the lime green one!)
4. khaki coloured shoes that can stand the wet weather (most probably Vans)

that's it for now, i believe. i am saving up for all these, ain't getting papa or mama to buy them for me. i feel a little queasy that they're already paying for my driving and biking lessons.

do remind me to breathe the next time that happens again.. or i might end up really blue-faced =p

i ain't a candy shop thief.
but i stole something, and i found it really sweet.
for those of you who know me,
i surprised myself at the liking of the saccharine after taste.