i went, i tried, and i was conquered.
the physics paper.

haha. hmmm.. not going to brood over it. just going to concentrate on math for now. i need it, and surprisingly i'm quite revved up for it. haha. yay!

laters people. night.

resolute i am tonight,
with decisions i once thought meant all to me.
whatever comes, can also go,
and with that, i've learnt,
that it isn't your fault.
it ain't mine either,
and trust me,
i wish i could seriously pick up this tab.
that we don't talk,
yes you and i,
it's not a mistake.
it's just what it is,
the lack of communication.
if it's driven by a want,
then it couldn't have been avoided,
if otherwise,
there might have had been a chance to save it,
but we let it pass,
and it's gone now.
no need for tears,
or apologies.
it's just not appropriate.
the new may outshine the old in a spur,
but when the novelty wears off,
the now old seemingly lacklustre to the older.
gone with the wind,
as it came too with the wind.
i could have clung unto the wind,
and be blown away together with it,
but no, we let it pass,
and it's gone now.

goodnight earth.
i am thankful and grateful for what He's brought me through today.
i'm hoping for more guidance, and more resilience on my part.
amen.

humans.
they're highly territorial, often getting into disputes and combat over the most of trivial matters, and tend to be oblivion about their surroundings unless their own well being is invovled, and yet preach wonders of love and compassion off the top of their heads.
haha. what a joke.

i learnt from Rev.See today in church an important lesson, very interesting, and very essential to the image of the Church. not just our church, but the church as in the body of believers.
had a great time in worship today.

bought my new study guide, along with a new CD.
stacie orico. pretty nice album. got it at a good price too.

had a good dinner with granny, simple dinner, but was well-fed.

had a phone call, and it was a pleasant one.
sporadic.
let's hope it ain't the case in time to come yeah? and you got the timeline kinda wrong, it wasn't that long, but yeah. haha.
but i'll leave your part up to you, and do mine. it takes two to clap =)

i'm going to bed now.
i'm happy tonight, because:
God loves me,
i love Him,
i've spoken to Him today,
and i've spent a day of my life knowing that His love is present in my life, in one way or another.

Good night earth

2 tablets of chloramine can do much. it put me to sleep, so much that i didn't hear my cellular ring, which isn't usually the case because i'm quite a light sleeper, and also, it put me back to sleep for 3 solid hours straight after i had breakfast.
i took 2 tablets cause i thought i had the morning to sleep, only to have mom come into the room telling me at 9plus, that the air con guys were coming at 10, so i had to get up. dang!

well, i went back to sleep at 11 till 2 when they left. haha. proceeded to church for music practise. it was good, looking forward to serving tomorrow morning in service.

dinner was.. well, i shall not say much. thank God for the food. amen.

~*~

does it mean anything to you when you share a secret with someone? i mean, apart from telling the person you trust him/her, does it mean anything more to you than that?
some say when you have sex with someone else, you give a portion of your soul to that someone. no i didn't have sex, and neither did i share a secret with anyone, but i'm wondering, do the two have parallels of any sort? if we weren't meant to be islands on our own, doesn't it then mean that all we do in one way or another makes us intertwine and interact with one another?

time is what i have, and if i give you my time, i love you.
well, if it were all that simple, i would really be much less of who i am.
at times, i cannot stand the in-between shades of the emotions i feel, but i'm reminded that these things that can't be explained, because they weren't meant to be.
it leaves me in awe, and it was meant to do so. i shouldn't bother trying too hard.
if you could assure me that the feeling you have for two friends you love are exactly the same, or two family members for that matter, let me know how you came about that decision yeah?

if liking is quantified as the emotion felt during courtship, love the other during a marriage, then what's the emotion when one of two go to be with God? i don't believe there ain't in-betweens, but i guess language of humans can only do so much. to attach a name to every single emotion would be asking you to number the lines of symmetry in a circle.

~*~

this is what i hope to do tomorrow:
1. Learn as much as possible from andrew's sharing during cell group
2. find a suitable new study guide for my QT from Life Bookshop at parkway
3. place my order for that Philip Capelle book
4. Quieten down to go all out for my last day of revision before my papers on tues
5. Rest well, and recover fully from the flu

Que sara sara, whatever will be, will be.
Your will be done.

Goodnight people

i'm stoning, and it's 827 in the morning. i woke up to watch the match, and i don't regret it, cause it was a real treat. haha, ending at 2-2 at end of extra time, england lost out in penalties. portugal are through to the semi finals, and i think they deserve it! =)

i'm off to trying to stay awake for another 3 hours before i come home after practical to sleep before piano at 6.

practical practical, how impractical can a practical get? =)

i need to come to a "DAD".

no, i don't need a new father, and no, i'm not going to be a father in the near future. it's my acronym for something in my life which must be done soon. yes. it's pressing for time, and my attention too, although it's hardly one of the few things i have my mind on most of the day.

it's been quite a while now, and when 2 cellphones and 2 telephone lines collect dust with the inactivity whilst i wait for the phone call that will never come, i think it's time. yes. the time has come more or less, and i'm just talking to my big boss up there, to give me more directions and instructions about it.

---------------------------------------------------

a friend was nice today. truthful and sincere with an sms, which i thought was really pleasant of him.
no i'm not gay, and i'm having flashbacks about the first few days of school. haha, sometimes we think life's a joke, but upon scrutiny, and reminiscing like that, i hardly think it's life that's the joke, it's more like i'm the joke in a wonderful life that's been given to me.
the first few days i met him in school, i thought that he was one of the kinda of people i had always despised.
it was his mannerism, and my cockiness.
it was his chosen medium of speech, and my preferred language of communication.
all that trival has now faded with time. it's not faded in importance though. it's only become the watermark of the canopy on which our friendship is being painted with a few colours here and there thus far, and i sure hope this artpiece is still in the midst of being completed. continue in this journey being the co-author of this chapter of my life, and the co-artist of this mural of friendship =)

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it's my physics practical exam in 8hours time, and i'm still not sleeping. haha. i think i'm asking for trouble. hmmm.. well, i have not come to a decision as to whether i'll be 'mugging' after the paper tomorrow, since i have piano lessons at 6. and i'm still contemplating whether i should watch the england vs portugal match! hahahaha.

my brother for one's watching it (victor another one too), and i want to spend time with him. yeah, the relationship between the two of us has been improving i must say. thankful for the holidays, because i get to spend the mornings with him over breakfast, and i wake him up whenever i do. i must say he's starting to show interest in his school work, and i seriously hope he'll do well if he puts his heart and soul into doing it right. she probably doesn't read this, but i'm really envious of the relationship S has with her sister, and although it's different circumstances here i'm speaking of, i think/hope/pray i could foster a relationship with my brother that's as loving and close as theirs in time to come. =) i love him =)

well well, for two nights in a row now, i've maintained discipline, with myself! haha. yay! hmm.. it's nothing grand, but it's a small stepping stone for myself in my christian walk. =) i've pulled myself out of bed willingly, or rather, i jumped out of it, when i know i won't sleep well, till i talk to Him. yeap, it's something i asked for, that He never gives me another night of peaceful sleep, till i settle my fair share with Him each day, and it may sound stupid to some of you out there, but when the day comes when He'll use the foolishness of the world to shame the wit/glam of this very same world, probably you'll understand then why His children are just so compelled to do these little silly things. it's His love that pushes us in that direction =)

enough for this entry as of now, i think i've spoken my piece for tonight =)

goodnight earth.

question that cause the workout of 5brains - questions from the physics TYS.

haha, the 5 of us tried to attempt a crash course of our physics syllabus. i must admit it's useful when our mid years are so near and we've all been slacking. at least we're trying to study =p

hmmm.. we're going over our practical objectives, as we have our physics pratical exam tomorrow. alright, i shall stop here for now, and i should update later on upon reaching home.

laters people.

praise God for me being still alive in Ne's place. hahaha

hmmm.. came over at about 345, when i was supposed to be here at 2pm, cause i had lunch with my mother in town at and it was a late lunch, so time dragged on, and i arrived late. enjoyed the train ride up to Simei though, cause i was reading, and i like my current book.

math, that's what we attempted to do. they're pretty good at it, but i ain't, that's why i'm here for help. hmmm.. we're waiting for dinner now, and Ne's mother cooked curry chicken, when i just had curry chicken noodles for lunch. ahahahaa.. hmmm.. well, i should be thankful i have got dinner.

well well, i'll end here for now, it's time to relax.. =)

Collin Raye - Butterfly Kisses

there's two things i know for sure,
she was sent here from heaven,
and she's daddy's little girl,
as i drop to my knees by her bed at night,
she talks to Jesus,
and i close my eyes,
and i thank God for all the joy in my life,
oh but most of all,

for butterfly kisses after bedtime prayers,
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair,
walk beside the pony daddy,
it's my first ride,
i know the cake looks funny daddy,
but i sure tried,
oh with all that i've done wrong,
i must have done something right,
to deserve a hug every morning,
and butterfly kisses at night.

sweet sixteen today,
she's looking like her mama,
a little more everyday,
one part woman,
the other part girl,
to perfume and makeup,
from ribbons and curls,
trying her wings out in the great big world,
but i remember,

butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer,
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair,
you know how much i love you daddy,
but if you don't mind,
i'm only going to kiss you on the cheek this time,
oh with all that i've done wrong,
i must have done something right,
to deserve your love every morning,
and butterfly kisses at night.

all the precious time...
oh like the wind the years go by..
all the preciouse time...
spread your wings and fly..

she'll change her name today,
she'll make a promise,
and i'll give her away,
standing in the bride room,
just staring at her,
she asked me what i'm thinking,
and i said i'm not sure,
i just feel like i'm losing my baby girl,
she leaned over and gave me..

butterfly kisses with her mum there,
sticking little white flowers all up in her hair,
walk me down the aisle daddy,
it's just about time
does my wedding gown look pretty daddy,
daddy don't cry,
oh with all that i've done wrong,
i must have done something right,
to deserve your love every morning,
and butterfly kisses,
i couldn't ask God for more,
man this is what love is,
i know i got to let her go,
but i will always remember,
every hug in the morning,
and butterfly kisses.

insomnia.
that's what i have now most nights. an 8hour night feels like a 2hour nap, and if so much time is wasted, why do i bother sleeping? i need pills at night to sleep, and caffeine in the morning to stay awake. this is bad.

i exercise, so my body's worked out, and i used to be able to sleep when i exercise well. hmmm.. maybe it's the brain that's inactive, that's why i ain't sleeping. it's 5days to my mid years, and i'm pretty much screwed. will try to salvage as much as possible.

physics prac on friday, and first paper on tues. 2 in fact. math and econs. these two are the subjects i'm better at compared to physics. i hope i don't screw up that badly.

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perhaps love would make it all better,
when the windows to the soul grow dim,
and the grinding of the windmills cease,
lest the doors on the streets close one by one,
and beings recede into privacy,
before departing to their eternal home,
perhaps love would then make it all better.

what i don't know about you i can't love.
what i do know of, i can, and i do.
does that discount the truth of knowing you?
does that mar the white veil?
does that cause rebuke for it's simplistic nature?
tell me, for what i don't know,
i don't understand, and i can't love.

what's it to you to be known by many names?
i mean, some know you as your first name, others know you by your initials, or just by a face? and others call you your nicknames?

hmmm.. does it tell you that you're schizophrenic?

is it possible that you exist as only one self to everyone? i would be quite happy and yet sad at the same time.
i would be happy that it would mean i would be truly me, without compromise, without falseness of any sort, and it's simplistic in nature leading such a lifestyle don't you think?

i would be sad on the other hand. don't you wish to be someone special to your other half? would you want to be the same person you are to an accquaintance as you are to your spouse?

the manisfestation of respect or reverence - honour

late into the day as it's about to end, (8pm-ish) i chose to do something, simply because i had to honour my word with God. and it's the right thing to do, so the fact that i got to keep my honour was just a bonus.

dinner was good, but i think i overate. i'm feeling bloated now, and a little depressed. the weighing scale registers a weight loss, but i can't help but feel that i've put on weight over the month that i've not run my usual 2.4km runs.
hmmm.. i remember the days in sec 3 and 4 where i was training, and literally gobbling food down most of the time, but i was in tip top condition, both health and weight wise, because of the rigorous training. ok, since i don't exercise at that rate anymore, i should just cut down on my intake. yeah. i guess i'll do just that. i don't need that much anyway.

seriously, i've not much interest in the Euro2004 soccer games. don't ask me why, i've just lost the 'drive' to sit myself down in front of that box for more than 20mins in a row without feeling anything at all. it's not guilt, it's just not in my lifestyle to watch tv anymore. i do watch movies, in fact i love them, but not the tv. don't question the idiosyncracy.

it's too early for bed time, and i cannot sleep on such a filled tummy.
should i drink some chinese tea? gosh.. this bloated-ness is really getting to me.. =(

i was stuck in the toilet for 45mins at 5am in the morning, purging liquid all the way. along with stomach cramps. i think it's mild food poisoning. ate medicine at 6, and spent 1 hours sleeping in the living room, cause i didn't want to go back to my air conditioned room. felt much better when i was awoken at 7 by a cellular ringing really loudly somewhere in the estate, but thankfully, i survived that ordeal.

must have been the steamboat the previous night, but it doesn't make sense, because the rest of the family doesn't have any problems, i think i must have put my chopsticks into my mouth after i touched raw food, or something was mildly uncooked for that matter. maybe it's the liver i ate. it tasted quite raw, but yet ok at the same time. hahaha. who knows.

i'm down to studying from today. serious full blast studying. i don't know how i'm going to do it, but i better find a way. i'm exactly 10days away to my first paper, and 6 days to my physics practical. darn. i'm screwed.

my sony nudeEX earphones have spoilt. the right side's damaged. darn! argh.. another 80bucks down the drain. ok, i shall not whine about it anymore. shall stick to my original Sony earphones for now, or i could interswitch between the Sennheiser headphones. that's the danger of knowledge. when you know what's good, you don't tend to settle for anything less that satisfactorily anymore.

music is food for the soul.
with that in mind, i think i'm going to have a feast.

Jamie Cullum - Twenty Something
The Calling - Two
Five For Fighting - The Battle For Everything
The Corrs - Borrowed Heaven
Avril Lavigne - Under My Skin
Usher - Confessions
Our Lady Peace - Happiness Is Not A Fish You Can Catch

these are the new albums i just laid my hands on.
well, i bought the 1st album on the list. read in between the lines. =p

hmmm... i have many other full albums which i have yet to burn on to CDs. thankfully mom stocked up on CDs. so i shall get down to expanding my collection again! yay! hahahaha, let me know if you want any of these CDs, i could burn a copy for you. =)

out for now. -drowining in all that music-

Blessed indeed many are, simply because of His presence.

ever taken a step back to consider how true God's presence is in the whole world? not just in your own life, not just in your school, family, church or nation for that matter?

the intertwining nature of all things came across me to as the very situation that proves God's working in all things, everywhere, anywhere.

His omnipresence, omniscience and omnipotence is more real to me today. it's so because of the nature of the book i'm reading. i'm currently on this book, "man and boy" by Tony Parsons, and it speaks of broken families. no it doesn't just speak of broken families, but that part stands out to me. especially so since i once dated a girl from a broken family. i'm starting to realise the real-ness of the hurt and pain, but also the firm-ness of love and sacrifice, that's so rampant even in 'developed and cultured' (yeah right!)societies like the States and Singapore.

-----------------------------------------

i noticed her silhouette behind the covers of the sun blockades. no doubt her features were more or less veiled by them as she descended along the flight of stairs, i couldn't help but hope it was her. i wasn't disappointed, and even till this day, it seemed to me at that instant like many others i have had, 'i've been visited by an angel'. just for a split second, yeah, but it was a beautiful moment.
i'm happy for now. thank you Lord for all you've given this morning =)

----------------------------------------

a meeting will take place at 11am, and it's about CTC. the debrief. i hope it goes well, and i know meaningful things will come out it! =) yay. hmm.. maybe i'll pop by TM later on to see whether i might just decide to spend that money.

love is a many splendid thing..

some of you might find that line familiar. it came from moulin rouge, but i'm not going to go on about it tonight.

i just caught cruel intentions 3.
for those of you who have not caught CI1, go! if you liked it, then catch CI2, cause it's the prelude to CI1.
then on to CI3, for those of you who would know, the 2 step-siblings in CI1 ended up in their own fates, one dead, the other in a rehab centre. thus, CI3's about another pair of cousins, along with a friend.

i must admit, the sleeping around with everyone and anyone is still sick as ever, but that's not what i caught the show for. i realised that in all the parts, there was for a brief moment, a beautiful 15-20mins of (true) love between two individuals, captured in that perfect scenes of them just walking hand in hand, smiling at each other, etc. that's what made me enjoy the show so much.

some call this hollywood love, but yeah, that's them to it. and i'm not them. hahaha. true, i may be a sucker for love shows like these, but at least i believe, that there is love out there.

quoted from the show "if i died, and i could return for just one day, any day, it would be today". i hope i get to say that to the someone i love in future.

from a book i'm reading "and a photograph of our wedding day with her looking like the most beautiful girl in the world and me grinning like a happy, dopey bastard who never believed he could get so lucky.." -- something i hope i would view my wedding photographs as in future. i know i like loving, but i ain't so sure it's selfless love i think i'm ready for. i mean, if you want to do something, you might as well do it the best way huh.. so if i wanted to love someone, why wouldn't i want to love the person in the best way possible?

ok, i'm feeling sappy. but i'm feeling disappointed and melancholic too.
i hope to buy:
1. jamie cullum's new CD
2. Kenny G's - Classic in the Key Of G (this is a really old album, anyone got it?)
3. WIN tooling case

that's all for now folks. i need to study. i need to sleep, and i need more than ever to get things right with Him. hope they stay that way.

how a groggy morning put me to thinking

beware! this entry is going to be random. it's all about scattered thoughts, when put together, form yours truly for this moment.

Hillsongs - Hear Our Praises

Honesty is the best policy

i got this belief from a classmate whom i really thank the Lord for. we've grown much closer this year, because i changed my seat, and i'm thankful for the positive things that have come out of this change, but yes i do miss jeremy.

hmmm.. there should be absolute truth between two friends, and when that is in place, it would naturally stand the test of time, and trials due to other external factors like rumours so long effort is taken to maintain the friendship like any other relationship.

i've started to put aside the politics. the attempted-but-failed-disgustingly phrasing of speaking nicely to her.
i've started to use simple words, put together to form the simplest of sentences. without the politics, and thinking too much about the consequences of just being truthful. besides, what bad could come out of being truthful?
there evidently has been improvement from the last breakdown of the friendship, and i'm looking forward to us becoming even closer friends.
will get down to more sharing and truth bearing when the time is right. but for now, hope she has a great time in thailand. i really enjoyed myself when i was there.
to my other friend, hope you're having a great time in KL. come back soon the 2 of you, i'm missing you, and will miss you too.

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2 Chronicles 7:11-18

if a man's faith lied within another man, then fear not with hope that it might work, but fear surely that it would fail. for the only One who doesn't fail is God.
this is not the verse.
i've not been speaking to Him for 2 weeks now, even though i went over to LE last week.
i've spoken to two brothers, and i've learnt new things once again. i thank Him for them.
i know i ain't getting no where with what needs to be done, -that being my studies for now- till i get back the peace (Phil 4:6-7) that i once had with Him because i was by His side.

i'm going to stop this straying, i feel like a stray dog really. having no one to go back to when the idleness sets in. having no aim, and having no purpose in passing the time like that.
i shared once again with a brother that the only thing i have which is really mine, is my time. and people love others, when they give them their time. i know this brother loves me, even though it was only a couple of minutes. thank you H even though i know you probably won't read this. =p

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parents are leaving for penang today, hope they get there safely and have a great time together. i seriously think they need this time alone. a break from the the never-ending housework, and the work stress, esp dad. sigh. if there's one man who suffers in silence cause of love, it's daddy. that's why i've chosen to take a new view of housework. it's my way of expressing my love for my family members. and i want to do it with a smile. i've learnt to say thank you generously, and i want to get down to telling them i love them whenever i have the chance to. i do.
shaun will be going over on sat evening, and dad coming back on sunday evening. but mom and S will be there till thurs. hope the church camp works out for the good of the glory of God. may they be blessed =)
Jie, i don't know if you read this, but i hope you're doing fine over in aus. i know the 11th's your paper, will be praying for you. and i want to tell you i love you too. it never was in me to do it, but i do.

-back 25mins later-

i just bought lunch for my mommy, wanton mee. hahahaha. with lotsa green chilli. i think i got my liking of green chilli from her.
just hanged the clothes too. interestingly this time round much faster than the last. maybe cause mom taught me the last time round the 'right' way of hanging clothes, and also this time round there were more bathing towels in the washload. they hang easily =)

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handi's coming back on the 3rd!!!!!!!
yay!!!!!
hahahaha
cat high guys out there who read this, let's get together on that evening yeah? it's a saturday. =)

out for now. i need to... hmmm.. i don't know. i'll talk to God when i'm alone at home later on when mom leaves for the airport. don't want any disruptions. for now, will go relax =) do math later on too.

You are Romans.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

enjoyable day it has been, really it has

well, i woke up at 1130am, after a really good and long night's rest, of i think like 13/14 hours?

washed up, used the computer for a while, and then mom decided to spend the afternoon with me, to shop for my Polo Tees. we went for good curry noodles downtown, and proceeded to Robinsons.

bought 6 new tops.
4 Polo Ts.
2 Shirts.
and the nicest buy of the day, my new timberland moccasins! yay! hahaha, been wanting a pair for quite some time now cause i don't have a nice pair of footwear that is shoe-like but doesn't require socks. walked into timberland today, saw it, liked it, there was my size, and mom bought it for me. yay! =)

thanks mom!

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caught Troy. alone.
i'm getting quite used (although it's only the 2nd time) watching shows alone.
some say it's a sad thing having to watch shows alone, but i don't think so, and i don't really think what they think matters to me at this point of time.

i must say, it was a good show, although indeed, it wasn't much about war, it was more about sex between people who had i must say pretty nice bodies.
that wasn't my point. i liked the granduer of the scenes. yeah. give it a 3.5 upon 5. nothing more than that.

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i miss an activity, and the person who takes part in that activity with me.
i ain't kidding, and i ain't sure i'm supposed to be feeling this way.

well well, that's that for now, i shall not entertain it anymore.

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a friend brought up the phrase, 'love hate relationship'
i have quite a bit to say about this, but will update later. for now, i need my shower, and then i need to start studying. yeah i NEED to, and i do want to =)

reflective updates

30/31052004

the morning started off at LE, haven't been there in quite a while now, almost 3 weeks i believe. but i was thankful i was back there.
came home for an afternoon of relaxation, tv, computer, and a 2 hour nap.
arranged an impromptu meet up with A, but the time shifted from 630 to after-SMT-finals-finish. so we only met up at 8, and surprisingly , played all the way till past midnight.
when i walked out of classic, i was telling myself, 'gosh, it's monday morning'
i should really restrain myself on sundays, didn't feel good to be out till that late anyway.

01/02062004

the afternoon started with a bus ride down to theQshop, and i spent about 1.5hours there. was still looking for my cue case. i don't think i would pay 6plus for a buffalo instroke lah, unless someone willingly sponsors me, which i doubt. haha. hmmm.. and i'm still thinking about the 3K1. need to discuss with samuel more about it.

took a train down to tanah merah, and i was early. 440, assuming the time was 5 as initially planned.
yongching came, and we both waited. it turned out that they had changed the time to 630, woah! only victor, he and i were not informed, and surprisingly, the three of us were the 3 'legs' of the planned mahjong binge at matt's place.
along came nerox who was early too, and the 4 of us started playing. managed to complete 3/4 a full game, (3 winds), and then we broke up for dinner. the food was hmm... ok. i wasn't really there for the food, more of the company. i remember the difference in feelings when i attended the first class bbq at nerox's place. hahaha, the vast difference!
hmm.. victor talked to me over the bbq, and as i mentioned in the earlier entry, i'm glad we talked. =)

well, the night truly started at 9pm. muahahaha. *evil laughter*
we started, and we never stopped till 2 full games were over. zhao zhi, matt, alvin, victor, roger and i were at matt's place till 345. alvin and matt were sleeping. haha. and we enjoyed ourselves. it was really a binge, and i was really happy.

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need to start studying. will do so. adios.

nerve and health wrecking these late nights are getting

hmmm.. i got home at 4plus, which is like half an hour ago.
from matt's place. played lotsa mahjong, but more importantly, i had a good time with my classmates. ok, not all of them, not even a few of them, but one in particular, and i'm thankful for what he shared about. i too will cherish this friendship =)

----------

hmmm.. okok, i really need to go sleep now, if not i would just continue coughing away like it's the norm to, and never recover.
i promise myself i would put an entry up about a reflection about the past three days. i need to. yeah. get in touch.