do you ever reflect about some choices you make?
don't be too quick to answer, because more often than not, i guess our answer that we give ain't the truth.
like it or not, i don't know for everyone, but i know that i do think about the choices i make. i would always go 'what if.... ', get the picture? and that's why i meant by reflecting on my choices. it doesn't have to be a session in which i sit myself in a dark corner of your room, in silence and solitude and think and cry about it. it only has to be the very thought of the decision. whether you made the choice in the first place, whether you made the choice you really wanted? etc?
the most ambiguous choice i made for myself recently is getting at me. i didn't include certain details, and it's left me some loopholes. and trust me, i don't know what to do about these faults in my supposed fool-proof decision/arguement for myself.
i said that things would remain status quo, and it meant the common understanding that we had as friends, but i didn't spell out to you or myself whether i was going to shut it out from within. i didn't make the decision a few weeks back then, and i ain't so sure as yet whether i wish to make it now.
i'm still pondering about whether it's worth the time, and it's still a positive answer. not 'it' as in the friendship per se in particular, but i guess every aspect of it? it's you. you as a figment of memory even if for a while, you as someone seen along the corridors, you as a fellow being existent in yourself. yeap.
trust me when i say i'm happy because you say you are. i really am =)
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just got back from LE. God spoke to me, in a very new way i guess. Pastor Rony was speaking of His book, but he crafted the service's message in a way that spoke very much to me. it was about leadership, and something that he said made my thoughts stop straying and wondering.
'the higher you climb, the more lonely you get, and that's the toughest price you pay in leadership. but for a leader who's got God, it's a different ball game altogether. it's about learning to appreciate being in solitude with God, when you realise that high up there, everything else fades but God. so the more lonely you become, the more real God's presence becomes."
it wasn't said in those exact words, but that's the gist of it.
that's probably why i don't make friends easily anymore, and maybe it's an answer to why the friendship i hope to have with you ain't going the way i would have wished it went? not that i was ever an amiable person to begin with, but i'm working at it. i am. trying, tough!
i'm glad for my friends. i really am. i'm not only glad, i'm thankful.
i still seek Your peace Lord.
it's a day that would be jam packed with work! fast and furious i must go! but i'll rest first. my mini 'quest' of work starts at 130pm!
take care all for now.
*i hope i get to go to the supermarket today after dinner
