what i want, may not be what i need.
that's something i've been told ever since i starting wanting things, those that my parents thought i didn't need.
being who i want to be.
being who i need to be.
i'm having a hard time choosing even though it's only two choices i have.
i value my friendships, and they need time, but because of my 'high strung jc life' as my mom puts it, the things i value in life are no longer getting their fair share of time.
i'm definitely the weakest at home nowadays. i sleep the most, yet i'm always the most tired. i'm always having a weak stomach nowadays, and in the past 4 months, i've fallen sick more than all three of them add up together. that's quite disgusting. hmmm, i don't know if there's anything i can do about it.
i leave for school when the sky's dark, i return when the sky's darker.
i stay in school to finish up my tutorials, and although i'm at pace with the current syllabus, i haven't even started studying, and i'm already so pressed for time.
someone commented that she thinks i'm someone who doesn't prioritise these things like friendships above my studies and work, and i felt ironic.
i felt that i know deep down within me, i did and still do value them, but yeah, i can't act out what i feel, simply because i'm who i am in the many areas i'm invovled in like school and church.
if you're feeling lost reading this entry halfway, don't fret, i'm feeling lost writing it too. there's no particular point i'm trying to make today.
i failed my last gp essay again, i'm getting quite sick of it.
i'm getting sick of failing all my tests, and that's precisely why i'm going to get up at 530am tomorrow morning to do my math revision and practise before leaving for church at 730am. then i'll come back in the afternoon to go at my math again.
i'm sick of having people look at me or rather at the badge i wear and smirk away.
i'm sick of falling below expectations, that's why i chose to volunteer myself for CTC, and especially as the logistic officer in the comm, even though i have no inkling as to what's needed of logistics.
i ain't hiding that i'm a troubled youth nowadays.
i want to continue to lose weight so i can get out of taf, and remain healthy, but i don't even have time anymore to go for my daily runs.
i must admit that taf has helped me gain much of my stamina back, i clocked 10m32s for my 2.4km run on monday morning, but yeah, it's irritating having to report for your own health don't you think? that's why i'm going to push myself harder, further, and to a point that i collaspe if need be, so long i can prove it to myself, no one else but myself.
i'm back on Hydroxicut, and thanks to a promotion, i got a good deal for 280pills. hope the longer period of consumption would have better effects with the extra work i'm going to make my body do.
tomorrow's going to be a good day in church, and i thank Him for that.
it's going to be a day where i ask Him to show me what i should do, and i ask of obedience to follow suit.
night earth.
