question of the day: should one be allowed to feel sad from time to time?

if you have an answer to this, share it with me?
i'm caught in this cycle, and i'm getting quite sick of it.
happy out of home, and upset in it.
realised i used home and not house? it's still cause i know something's wrong.
there used to be warmth, love, and a looking-forwardness to home, the smell of it, the feel of it.

-a selfish streak
-a can't be bothered attitude
-playing too much
-sleeeping too much

just some of the topics the nagging's been going on and on for and about.
come on, if it ain't there, they won't nagging.
i have come to terms with that, but i don't understand, and so i have yet to come to terms with other things.

it's been like that when i'm close to You, it's also been like that when you're so far away.
so which is better off?
i haven't been speaking to You the whole of this week, is this why all these is happening? but it happens even when i'm talking to You practically every segment of the day. so what's up?

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then:
*finger points* Look at your brother, learn from him, he's so caring, so loving, yada yada..

now:
*finger points* Look your YOUR brother, learn from HIM, HE's so caring, considerate, yada yada.. what happened to YOU?

you get the flow?
let me attempt to explain.
in the former ten years ago, the finger was pointed at me.
in the latter, now, the finger is pointed at my brother.

i admit, i've grown up, to be a different boy from who i used to be.

i don't think of others like i used to think of asking josie to the table to join us for dinner.
i don't exercise my initiative to hang the clothes, mop the floor, or water the plants for that matter.
i've lost that angelic innocence.
i've gained my PSLE results, O level results, and grade 8 distinction in my piano.
i've gained a whole lot of pride in myself, haughtiness, condescension upon others.
i've learnt to satisfy myself before others, and i claim i've learnt to love over the past few relationships i've had, but in retrospect, it's bullshit, with the exception of Julia.

so what if i bother to open up doors for girls? or make sure they get home safely? or let them up the escalator or the bus before i do? it surmounts to ziltch. look at it in this light, what's often termed as "desireable" by others, can be actions simply acted out without the heart in it. the devil knows the entire bible, he knows God even better than i do, but he ain't got the heart, that's why he's who he is.
- this is reason number 1 why i'm so thankful i don't reciprocate the feelings that the poor innocent girl has for me. she doesn't know me, and i'm glad she doesn't.

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only with confession does worship follow suit after a calamity.
realignment can only take place when the recognition for the need to do so is born.
i want to, yes i'm making a choice.
God help me with it. this i beg of you. yes i do.

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the ecstasy of the flesh throws the mind into a fumble, and in turn leads the spirit along with the temple into wayward deeds. steer thyself away from what tempts, unless it is in line with what the Holy Spirit prompts. gorge out your eye if it's what causes you to sin. hold your tongue if it's what causes hurt, and remain silent till words of wisdom, love, assurance and edification is poured forth from the very same tongue.
Love will triumph over all, good and evil.
Amen.