the ploy unfolds. and when it does, the comprehension actually terrifies me.
knowledge is power, and with it comes responsibility.

i ain't so sure i'm ready for such weight on my shoulders.

time and space are 2 things i hope to talk to You about one day, i cannot imagine what it would be like without them, but it serves to remind me that You are You, and i'm ... simply me.

haha. thank You for being You.

i honestly don't think you know what you're doing to me.

take my word for it when i say you're majorly pissing me off.

back off!

-character moulding; don't make me give up, i swear i would one day if this carries on-

Lord, i pray for:

Peace: 

to guard the hearts of your people who are going through this economic meltdown. twice today the news was updated, and it's scary. the way companies are slashing their workforce.

Healing:

in the families that are going through a rough patch, whatever the reasons might be, known or unknown to others and themselves, but definitely known to You, i pray you comfort them as they draw strength from You.

Love:

to overcome bitterness, tears, and harsh words that might roll from their tongue. may it together with Your Holy Spirit that resides in them be victorious over all unloving thoughts, actions and words. 

and last but not least,

Faith:

for those who are still taking exams, or haven't started yet for that matter. When the going gets tough, let them look to you faith knowing that since You've brought them to it, You would bring them through it. for a special friend who's very uncertain of his future that are anchored on his grades, i pray You teach him that with You, all things are possible. 

Amen.

playing with fire

i don't understand why people do the things they do sometimes, like how i don't understand why i do the things i choose to do at times.
it hurts, it's painful, and it's... plain stupid.

all this messing around's getting nowhere. no where at all.
God help me.

plans are but fragments of your imagination until they're concretized in history by action.

i've got plans, do i have the cement or the ink to put them down in history?

i sure hope so.

honestly i'm already thinking of the next semester when i ain't even done with my current exams. why is my mind straying?

argh... it's another 72 hours away.. tick tock tick tock. 

painfully slowly, yet a little too quickly for my comfort. 

i'm confused. i think i am. am i?

ok i feel like i'm speaking into a mirror, this is weird by the current circumstances, but it wasn't too long ago that i used to do this quite often eh? not literally, i meant talking to myself; thinking.

the list - got a name?

thus far what's been conquered:

1. Crystal jade steamboat buffet - the beef was yummy.. along with the seasame paste!

2. "Chin Chin" pork chop. haha.

3. Pasta Brava - wasn't too good, but oh well, nice ambience - a little confused though.

what lies ahead:

1. western jap fusion at peace centre - 7 course meal

2. jap buffet at suki - more for the raw salmon.

the uncanny coincidence is... 

somewhat scary.

God help me.

whenever i hear the screams rise up to the heavens, 

the same tingle always shoots down my spine. 

it makes the glands work and they flow,

whether or not i allow them to by choice.

it tells me one thing. 

i was made this way, for a reason.

to be in reverence, to fear, and to obey.

what in the world am i doing messing up my life like this?

i was sipping my coffee

came along a young boy, he couldn't have been more than 3.

he climbed up the chair to settle in whilst his mother got in line for toast and coffee too.

people walked by, and they were charmed by him.

it was easily a crowd of 5 ladies and more.

i re-learnt something from this.

one reason why people go goo-goo ga-ga over kids, 

is because they realise inside themselves, 

that this living being is still soaked with innocence, 

un-tainted by schemes, 

un-tarnished by lies, mistrust and pain.

it doesn't stop there.

look back beyond the picture, and ask who painted it.

He meant for life to be beautiful and it is.

so quit being angry, unsatisfied, and grumpy. start living.

life is beautiful.

if our greatest need had been information, 

God would have sent us an educator.

 

if our greatest need had been money, 

God would have sent us an economist. 

if our greatest need had been technology, 

God would have sent us a scientist. 

but our greatest need is forgiveness,

so God sent us a saviour. 

in any confrontation, there are two options. fight or flight.

tonight i've learnt that there is a 3rd option. it's called making peace. 

it's tough to swallow, but once you hit that button/make the decision to do so, an overpowering sense of peace overwhelms you. and that's followed by a warming sensation in your heart when the peace is reciprocated. 

i do understand that the second part must not be taken for granted because not everyone would react the same way, but nevertheless it's the first part that matters, because if you don't have peace with your Maker, the other reasons for existing then don't suffice anymore.

The Dark Knight

after catching it yesterday, i realised why we're awed by some stories and not too excited by others.

in some way or another, these stories are results of individuals - their authors - sitting quietly in their times; observing the people around them, as their source of inspiration for characters, therefore, so long there are people around, we would always be able to identify with the freaks and heroes of the plot, because they're all present within us.

the morale dilemas, the weird decisions that some deem right and others wrong, are all debate topics of which there would be no conclusion, because we argue with the limited understanding we have. in times like this, i look up and remember The Artist of all the great works, and i smile to myself; grateful, humbled and at peace.

the session wasn't expected, but it was appreciated. i could tell some really missed the human contact, not over poker cards or mahjong tiles, but when souls connect because we lower our guard and pride, and realise that there is no need for either in such a setting. 

in scarcity there is value.

kudos to you all. amigos.

it's been a while. and no i'm not going to update. it'll still be sporadic updates. and no i don't really care who's reading. hahaha. it's comical thinking about these things i do, but then again, they're torturous. cheers you all out there =)

i'm going to admit i'm sick of it.

morning sleep. constant drags. aimless-ness.

need a drive. need to drive.

maybe i'll ride up to say hello.

maybe maybe maybe.

so many unknowns. 

yes you can tell i'm sick of it all.

i re-learnt a truth by speaking it to a friend.

the sure thing to happen whenever approaching an issue/problem/matter, would be an initial stage of awkwardness.

if you don't accept that within yourself, and therefore not prepare yourself for it, when it starts to feel awkward, it impedes moving on into handling the matter as appropriate. 

therefore, i'm going to log it down in my mind that every new experience, every quarrel, and every problem is going to make me feel uneasy, but it ain't going to stop me. 

it sure feels queasy though. *shrugs*

sure, the hand holding to join dots that form letters was an interesting experience.

yes i do agree the whole affair does slow things down, let's you watch the ants crawl, or squirrels climb trees. it allows you to realise once again that the birds do chirp, and the insects do make funny noises.

the sound of pattering feet when the keys jingle in the door.

the solving of a great mystery by trying all that used to work only to realise that this unique sound is for that particular want, i bet it's an achievement in itself.

good to have, not a must have. 

i'm not ready to think whether it's what i want.

the time isn't now.

do you have a reason for that tingling feeling one tends to have after watching a romance comedy that Hollywood somehow manages to make you believe that a "happy ever after ending" is possible in a short span of 120mins?

i've come to believe the time isn't now.

we need to talk. yes. now.

I FOUND IT!!!!!!!!

Pilot fountain pen! they stopped production for the original model, but now they come in petite sizes, and refills! woooo hoooo!! hahahahaha

i'm re-starting to write, think, and read more. 

if you ever find my book, do not read it. i'm serious. you wouldn't understand it unless you were a worm in my head. hahahaha

"When will you be home?" she asks
as we watch the planes take off
We both know we have no clear answer to where my dreams may lead
She's watched me as i crawled and stumbled
As a child, she was my world
And now to let me go, I know she bleeds
and yet she says to me

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Autumn leaves fell into spring time and
SIlver-painted hair
Daddy called one evening saying
"We need you. Please come back"
When I saw her laying in her bed
Fragile as a child
Pale just like an angel taking flight
I held her as I cried

You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be prayin every step along the way
Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away
ohh...
I love you too much to make you stay
Baby fly away 

till i read the lyrics word for word, i didn't know she sang of mama. 

mama.. one of the first few syllabi an infant learns to annunciate.

to hold back one you love, 

would be to stab yourself repeatedly.

that's what i feel.

what do you think?

lie to anyone, but yourself.

if you can live with that, let me know, i would like to talk to you.

i'm done with this.

You can have it all.

cause enough's enough.

freedom and responsibility.

boundaries and property lines.

soul.

honesty is a bedrock.

man.. how do these people write such amazing things?

*someone turns on the light*

ahhh... no wonder.

"This is the verdict: light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instaead of light because their deeds were evil. everone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light, for fear that his deeds will be exposed. but whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has beeen done through God" John 3:19-21

a merchant;

unsure of the terms of trade.

"so i'll trade THIS....

for THAT...deal?"

sure. 

in dreamland.

when you see a beautiful painting, 

you tend to ask,

"who painted this?"

do you seek to know This painter?

Romans 6:1-3

What shall we say then? 

Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? 

By no means! 

How can we do died to sin still live in it? 

Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptised into his death?

houston we have take'off..

let's just hope the flight plan gets trasmitted.
i'm pretty sure it's been completed for one thing.

it's all over.
yes all the projects.
and i'm suppose to start revision.
procastination.

i just realise how i wouldn't be a surprise-case patient in a psychiatrist office.

my friends think i'm weird.
i ain't too worried about that, cause i know they're my friends.

should i proceed with the plan?
wait a minute, i ain't so sure i have a plan.
does planning to have a plan qualify as being part of the plan?

HE201
HE206
MB103 Journal Critique
MB 103 Journal Critique Presentation
MB103 Marketing Plan
MB103 Marketing Plan Presentation
HA201
HW111 Presentation

3 down, 5 to go.
yes i should be grateful.
i'm sick.

work was created out of rest.

rest is taken that the greater distance may be covered.


two simple sayings i've heard many times, maybe even believed in either at one point. however that all seems inconsequential at this point.

emotions which are intangible are rocking the tangible boat.
the unimportant superceed the supposed significant.
once noble and fanfare-like, now lies in shabbles and rotting death.

can someone bring me to the green plains of scotland that never end? and would you sit there with me to feel the breeze sweep past our faces? to remember that in the silence between us, and the sound of the rustling grass, that all that beauty was created for Him?

i'm leaving it in Your hands really.
what comes comes,
what goes goes.
because it comes when You give,
and it goes when You take.

i know there are cracks in between which i do play a part,
nudge me when it's my turn k?

on the other hand,
for the rest of you,
i'm lost for words.
wait a minute,
i'm not lost,
i feel it ain't right to say anything.

just don't subject the rest of us to this abuse.
if it's between the two of you,
sort out the mess.
it'll take some serious swallowing,
some serious humiliation,
but suck it up and get it over and done with.

tsk tsk..
and who ever said adult-babies don't exist?

all this is turning me into a cynical nuthead.
and yes it's a choice i'm making,
bite me,
love me,
or just leave me alone.

you..
tell me when you think it's right what i did, if you ever do come to think of it that way.
if you don't, i won't pursue the matter, i really won't.

the missing comprehension is what's making you feel the emotions you pulsate through the hammering of the black and whites, but honestly, i'm not getting the beating. if it's the hard way that's going to get you to walk off, to prove yourself, i'll have it that way, because it's good for you.

in all the disbelief you might probably muster up to the point where i seek forgiveness, know this.
i love you.

pinkies..

haha..
they bring back memories,
but they're totally not connected if you get what i mean.
they mess me up again..
they really do.
i can't say i'll stand strong,
but i do know within myself i'll try, i really will..

if only i could fly away to my ideal world..
if it was there for the taking..
would i dare take that first step towards that ideal?

ladies and gentlemen... presenting...

hahaha.. nothing lah.. it's just my 1st post with my new toy =)
heehee
i'm happy.

i guess all children are happy with new toys cause they don't understand the value of a price tag.
do i remember that most expensive price tag often?

when you lose sight of the purpose of doing something, stop.
without purpose, the doing of the task is dangerous.

there was a little quote i wanted to post up here which i learnt from my marketing lecturer. i'll do so when manage to find it, it's somewhere in my notes from the last lecture.

oh well. till then, please remain focused on the reason of why you do what you do =)

j-jj-1993@hotmail.com

this is jeremy's mail.
i'm putting it online so i ain't got an excuse to forget i have it.

i read a friend's post some time ago,
and i've come to agree that when you stop writing, you stop thinking.

so here goes.

i've picked up writing again, both online and in my prayer journal. i stopped for quite some time, and i mean really stopped. a total absence of conversation between me and i. yeah i know how that sounds weird, but that's the way i get my head straightened out every now and then..

as you can tell, not having done so for a while actually did result in quite a huge mess. i've no drive, no priorities (in the words of a friend who happened to be in the right time at the right place) and also no urgency to do what i need to.
on the other hand, the lackadaisical attitude towards what i need to do, has allowed me to do some things on impulse, and for the record, some of these impulsive decisions have been good.

money seems to lose it's value every now and then. just after the lunar new year festivities, having had a top up in vitamin Ms, i half suspect that's the reason that allowed me to make certain choices when it came to money the past week. i'm thankful for the mercies and blessings. i truly am.

love ain't a feeling, it's the sum of the choices you make, the important ones, and the not so important ones too.
i chose to wait, because i know i loved my friend. and i'm pretty sure the love was felt, because God is good, thank You Lord =) *hugs*

to you all out there, the lack of comprehension is not going to justify my anger towards you, so i want to proclaim that i love you guys too, but i know the Lord loves you all much more then i do. =)

have a blessed weekend all!!

we choose the right thing to do, because it's liberation in itself that's only possible with our freedom; with our salvation we have knowledge of right and wrong, and therefore our response to life's situations ought to be the choices that fortify the fact that we're free to make the right choices in life to honour Him =)

to enter slumber with a heavy heart,
with the wish that it would lighten up when you awaken,
to find it weigh down as before,
then you realize you were lying to yourself.

quit hoping like this.
face the music.
love bravely.
and wake up.

God help me to remember that bargaining is a phenomenon that takes place between two who have their respective bargaining chips/power. help me remember that you're God, and that i'm man.

struggles that don't kill you make you stronger. i know that. i do know however firsthand that sometimes i rather be dead.