it's raining early in the morning, and i got to secure early from work. i'm thankful, but i'm weary of the office politics. hmmm.. i think i'm beginning to appreciate what Shaun said about 3 weeks back. it doesn't matter what vocation you are in the SAF in these 2 years, what matters if whether you've behaved in a fashion that would show the world that you've got Christ in your life.

somehow i can't reaffirm myself postively about that question because of the bitterness and attitudes i've shown at times with regard to the jaded feelings i have about my work at this point in time. Lord, something's wrong, i'm wrong, teach me what to do.

APEX's coming to an end, it was a blurry fluster of events and reports, but i'm grateful i was on ops, it's more my forte than reports really, so yeah. thank You Father.

on a lighter note, i wanna go for porridge cause of this rain, then come home and catch up on my sleep. it's the last night watch of 5 tonight, let's hope it be a good one.

i'm dealing with...

bitterness once again.
i know i must and should behave in a manner that would exhibit love.
Lord, help me please.

things to attend to:

2 Sep: 1st run of Faith Factor program for Saturdays!
9 Sep: meeting to shift the orientation for 4th floor youth room
anytime after 1 Sep: i need to schedule a dental appointment, so that the dentist can refer me to Alexendra Hospital for extraction of my wisdom tooth, it's starting to give me problems, i don't wanna go into details, it's quite disgusting actually.

ongoing: life, along with many of it's ups and downs. haha. always learn to smile at them all, for we're put through them with God's permission =)

to you: i hope you cheer up, it pains to know that you're not doing well, but i guess standing by the side to offer you support when you need it's all i can do for now.

sustenance, would the living bread suffice?

ok, it's back to fish and greens.
right now it's for health reasons, till i find a good reason upon contemplation what this abstinence should be about.

shot some hoops today with shaun.
it was good to run about again, however i won't be able to do much of it in future.
moderately's the keyword i guess.
that's why i want to buy my bicycle,
and re-apply for the sports club memebership,
so that i can go work out in the gym and swimming pool.

Chris Rice - When Did You Fall
From the album Amusing

You’re all smiles and silly conversation
As if this sunny day came just for you
You twist your hair, you smile and you turn your eyes away
C’mon, tell me what’s right with you
Now it dawns on me probably everybody’s talkin’
And there’s something here I’m supposed to realize
‘Cause your secret’s out, and the universe laughs at it’s joke on me
I just caught it in your eyes, it’s a beautiful surprise

Chorus:
When did you fall in love with me?
Was it out of the blue
‘Cause I swear I never knew it
When did you let your heart run free?
Have you been waiting long?
When did you fall in love with me?
When did you fall in love?

Make your way over here, sit down by this fool, and let’s rewind
C’mon, let’s go back and replay all our scenes
You can point out the hints, the clues, the twists and the smiles this time
All the ones that slipped by me
I bet my face is red, and you can hear my heart poundin’
Well I guess it don’t matter now that I realize
‘Cause baby I missed it then, but I can surely see you now
Right there before my eyes
You’re my beautiful surprise

Chorus:

Was it at the coffee shop
Or that morning at the bus stop
When you almost slipped, and I caught your hand
Or the time we built the snowman
The day at the beach, sandy and warm
Or the night with the scary thunderstorm
I never saw the signs
Now we’ve got to make up for lost time
And I can tell now by the way that you’re looking at me
I’d better finish this song so my lips will be free

Have you been waiting long, when did you fall in love
I kept you waiting so long, when did you fall
Have you been waiting long
When did you fall in love with me
When did you fall in love?

the foolish of the earth will shame the wise of the earth

from someone as proud as him,
i saw how the Lord taught humbling lessons indeed.
yet from the lowest of humble men,
i learnt lessons from which are worth being proud of.

it's an irony how we build our security on things that do not last,
how we place such high value on the worthless,
and how complicated we make simple things to be.

Lord, teach me to seek your Kingdom first above all other things.

i just heard a friend mention that she wants a restart to all things that are bad.

hmmm.. then i thought to myself, why yearn a restart and have the risk of it going bad again, when you can be thankful it's over?

somehow i feel a need to monitor more.. the things i think about, say and do. cause i've got a feeling it's all going to come back one day.

thrice and counting.
when the counting stops, the breathing will too.

familarity breeds contempt

when you realise nothing really belongs to you

i'm living on borrowed time.
twice today i could have gone home to God.
i wonder why i didn't, it sure would taken the pain out of many things.

once again proven as many times before,
walking away and keeping quiet saves you all that pain and hurt.
it really does. i'm not so sure it's the orthodox method,
but hey, whatever works.

no, i've not had a bad day, i'm having one.
i don't sing a song to make it better, but yeah, i do ride around.

rewind, replay, revisit

it's back to the basics.

A
B
C
1
2
3

learning to smile once again like i used to when i was a kid.
i hope i still remember.

tonight's win was a morale booster. but it was also a test of many things within me. it could have been better. nevertheless, i'm grateful.

when you don't bother anymore, it speaks alot.
phone calls, sms-es, or simple sweet nothings, it's the little things that count.

well, i guess priorites are in the constant state of changing, so i don't hold it against you that you've changed, just don't hold it against me that i do too.

i've cut off alot. from everyone. it was subconcious, it was because i didn't want to be seen for my weaknesses, i only wanted to be known for my strengths. i miss the warmth though. i miss terms of endeavours that hung on my lips. for what it's worth, i do miss you.

till then, it's not in the doing, it's in the heart.

W.W.J.D

after having been exposed to so many years of bitterness, i'm suddenly presented a chance of reconciliation, what do you think i would do?
well, one thing i must say though, i am a little torn in between, but i believe the guiding light must be God, for only what He would do is what i must and should do.
Lord, please pave the way for me in this matter.

FU 8228 B
that's it. yeap.
i must learn to be contend. in this light, i know it will be tough, especially after a year's time, but nevertheless, all things can be cultivated.

i'm thankful for whatever's happened today.
that i recieved my gift, that i got to see you just for that half hour, and for everything else that's happened in the day.
i truly am. thankful.

when the world moved on, i don't say i chose to walk against the flow, i just came to a standstill.

i took time off to take things in differently from i would in the rush of things.
i've re-shifted my priorities, and value of the things i once cherished have been altered.

on the cool side, i passed my driving test. yes, i'm unlearning to walk, it's really quite addictive. i must imagine what goes on in a baby's brain when he first learns to walk.
"i wanna walk.. i wanna move towards that green toy, i want to... *stumbles*.. "
hahaha.. and here i am,
"i don't wanna walk.. i wanna drive there.. i wanna be on my wheels once again.."

on the cooler side, i've got my bike traffic police test this thurs, it's way early in the morning, please pray for me all those whom i can bless as a result of being allowed by the law to bike around. and for those i can't bless directly as a result of that license, please pray for me all the same? =) at least for safety.. hehehe..
i'm thinking, they're just waiting to give it to me.. i just have to put up a good show in the 40mins that those 10 pairs of eyes are staring at me along the designated route.

on the way cool side..ange's back, not for long though, till the 31st only. i think i'll go meet her for supper later.

ok, on the not so cool side, i'm on 3 months excuse from IPPT and physical activities in the SAF because i'm due for a checkup on my PES status. i think i'm downgrading, that's if i can convince the Medical Officer (most likely an NSF as myself) that i ain't going to suck it up and endure the pain as a result of having to train for IPPT, as my NS term is coming to an end. yes, it means that i'll probably never get to go for advancement courses in my NS and that i'll be stuck as a LTA, but oh well, i ain't about to bust my knee cause of the few bouts of 21days ICT that i would wear my rank again.

ok that pretty much sums up what's been happening.
no, do not be deluded that my life's only this much. hahaha, and no i do not profess to be the center of your life, but i know who's the center of mine =)

My faithful Father, enduring Friend
Your tender mercy’s like a river with no end
It overwhelms me, covers my sin
Each time I come into Your presence
I stand in wonder once again

Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my knees
Your grace still amazes me
‘Cause Your grace still amazes me

Oh, patient Saviour, You make me whole
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul
What can I give You, Lord, what can I say
I know there’s no way to repay You
Only to offer You my praise

It’s deeper, it’s wider
It’s stronger, it’s higher
It’s deeper it’s wider
It’s stronger, it’s higher
than anything my eyes can see

when i ....

am unable to sleep not knowing you're home because it's past midnight,
get a sick feeling in my gut when i cannot say for sure you're doing ok,
pray feverntly each day that the Lord is giving you comfort inspite of the lessons He wishes to teach,
and yearn for time to past quickly when you're doing something you're not enjoying but for it to come to a standstill when i see you smile,

i know i've fallen..
in love with you.

i love you.

I am God.

Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help.

If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine. Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them.