James Blunt - You're beautiful

for those who thought i was going to fly up to the clouds cause i was leaving camp for the weekend, it wasn't that case. =p

anyway, that was yesterday. here's today.

if there's one thing i care about, it's you. yes you.
and it's there's a second thing i care about, it's my kids. i know i care enough for them to make a decision in my life, knowing that it's for their good.

in uncle mengkim's words,

a Godly mentor is one who constantly directs his mentees to God, and not to himself.

yeah, that served to remind me of how i should talk to my kids whenever i
take the lessons, or when i call them up during the week. i should also not put
them in situations where comparison should be made between their leaders.

yeah, thus i made a choice. it's personal, and i don't think anyone else but God knows. don't think i'm ready to share it as yet, but maybe in future. just maybe =)

i'm really glad you're being more comfortable with me. i truly am. hope you settled into hostel well, it's going to a week long camp, do take care and hope you stay in the pink of health don't quit smiling, it's beautiful, you're beautiful.

i could fly up to the clouds now i tell you, i really could =) hahahahahah *smiles*

liberty parade in 5mins, home sweet home!! =)

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!~!~!~~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

ok, i just needed to let that out.

laters

today's briefing was on MSTD, and on a positiev note, it seems like it's going to be a good time afterall. not that it would be a holiday per se, because it's a training deployment, at least we're going to go through an experience that not many others would ever have a chance to.

from the looks of it, the first leg's going to be the most tiring, since it's going to be 11 days at sea straight as compared to the other 3 legs, but oh well, what's only tough that doesn't kill you would only make you stronger.

the security briefing after that MSTD briefing was bad, very very bad. 3 quarts the class was falling asleep most of the time, and the rest who were awake were busy learning their morse codes and flags. hahaha, i kinda got the hang of it too. =)

.. --|..|...|... .-..|---|..-

MIDS Challenge – the very start was the very end

Man, that slow excruciating pain as it slowly crept into my thigh muscle group. That hurt quite a bit. Whether I relaxed or stretched, it just wouldn’t go away. I was sent to the medical center shortly after that. Upon reaching, deep heat spray was applied to my thighs and I couldn’t really feel anything after that because both my legs were numb at that point in time. Sat down, and I started to feel nausea, so I rushed to the toilet and puked out what little was left of the Red Bull drink I had barely an hour ago. My head was spinning a little too. I’m starting to think maybe it’s got something to do with the blood. Firstly, the lack of it that led to the initial pain in my muscle, then the lactic acid buildup. Then as all the blood finally rushed to my legs, it moved away from my brain, and that’s why I probably felt giddy. The last time I puked cause of such pain was when MJ lost to SAJC 3-2 after leading 2-0 in the first half. Those were the days of council.

That aside, I have been feeling moody. I can’t say it’s exactly healthy, but I’m just responding to the situations that are happening around me. Here you have a senior of the 53rd government body breathing down your neck, although about issues that you know you’re in the wrong, but it’s just the face. Crap, I know that’s a lousy excuse, and I should not be feeling like that. Till I get over it, just let me feel like this for now.

On a happier note, the MSTD government for the 54th has been announced. Linkesh is MWC, Benedict’s MXO, Kovin’s MSO, Santhosh’s MMO, Weixian’s MLO, my buddy Jason’s MEO, last but not Nigel’s MSAO. In Links’ words, we’ll go through this together. If the shit hits the fan, then let’s take it together as a batch, at least when we stand on the parade square on that final day, we would be equals, and not someone not worth looking in the eye.

I retook my ASTRO test, hope I’ll clear it this time. At least I did not walk out of the room knowing that I will fail. I’m just waiting to use the computer today, cause I want to read up on the news, and I also want to do some blog reading. However, Daniel has just informed me, that blog surfing is not allowed in the gunroom on those two computers that have Internet access. Yeah right, I read the standing orders, and nowhere was it mentioned, I am not going to be bothered by what he said. We’re having silent MXO rounds now, so I’m just slacking away. Oh well, who cares? At least I know I don’t for now.

I just watched the phantom of the opera, and I’m feeling what some may call either ‘lovey-dovey’ or I prefer the word emotional. I don’t know if this contributes to what they say as loving the idea of being in love, it is Hollywood after all, but to chuck it away into a category that does not fully represent it would be unfair to it’s author. It is a love story that was written beautifully and I’m thankful that it has been made into a production as such. The costumes were beautiful and the music was nice, although some of it was ‘contemporarized’. I say this because I watched the play when I was much younger and having been trained in classical piano, I get a little edgy with such correction to music that belongs to a play of such a genre.

Oh well, then the thoughts come again. I know it’s never going to happen, not in my life at least, not such a love story. I don’t doubt that something as wonderful or even better (in terms I cannot comprehend) can and may happen if I have the Lord’s blessings with the life partner He has set aside for me, but with the way things are going, all seems, hopeless?

No it doesn’t, I’m just feeling despondent, and I know on the more rational side of my mind that it is not time. God has a purpose for putting me through NS, and I am not going to let my world crumble apart. It can’t, not when whatever process I am going through is part of His plan for me. See the logic or rather the lack of it when people who claim to have faith that God’s in their lives go,

“Oh no, my life is falling apart, everything just is not going my way!”

We love because He first loved us – 1 John 4:19

Lord I truly touch my heart and thank you that you first loved us, and that you gave us love. Lord, help me to understand, appreciate and differentiate the gifts of love and emotions Lord. They compliment one another perfectly at times, and it’s another one of those unexplainable wonders – the feelings that we feel – of your omnipotence Lord. Help me learn that although I love being in touch with those feelings, I have to be matured to accept that maybe the time is just not right yet. Loving that someone special can only come about if you give your blessings, and Lord, that I know that is what truly matters to me. Help me love my friends with the love that you have for them, and that I truly be a friend to them with no selfish intentions Lord. I cherish the angels that you have put in my life and they make me who I am Lord. Continue to help me grow into the person you’ve made me to be, all these I thank You for and pray in Your name.

Amen.

let me go in sequence, since time is on my side today.

had coffee with josh and regina on sunday after bible study. good session, and the takeaway of the session was that there would come a point in time when i would have to tackle issue and not people whether i felt like it or not.
it's going to be like this especially when it invovles humans who's characters are unique to themselves and it ain't going to be easy to change them.

came back to camp, had an ok night's rest, and was preparing myself mentally for the sortie next day, ended up just sleeping a little later not having done much perparation like going through the charts etc

sortie was good, was blessed with a relac-jack CO MAJ DEPAK KUMAR. cool guy! it was a fam-sortie, and i learnt quite a bit. it was definitely a great feeling having the wind in your hair,and a beautiful sight - the wharf retreating to the horizon as we slipped off. standing on the bridge wing with the sun setting thus making the sea red was probably what i enjoyed the most, but some officer had to come spoil it by giving me an attitude when i took over as MOW - Midshipmen Of the Watch. oh well, i've got things to learn, so i shall just suck it up.

then came MOD de-brief. it was supposed to be short. then came along the term de-brief discussion, it was supposed to be short too. but one after another - this wasn't planned - batch mates stood up and voiced out their opinions. some lamented and swore at their unhappiness with certain issues of the batch, and others stood up to take the blame for it. in all sincerity, i'm glad this 'trashing session' took place, but would it really work results? i hope so.
also, the pre-mids are here. i don't want to be to them what the seniors were to us. i hope i can be a friend to them. period.
the day's very very slacked. the regulars are outta camp for dental check-up, thus the NSFs like myself are back at wingline with nothing to do till lunch. after lunch, a DO interview is scheduled, and with cpt leong as our DO.. haha, what else needs to be said?

alright laters.

A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction - that's what dic.com defines an infatuation to be.

infatuation is the idea of being in love. - that's what someone said.

well, i don't know really. have i loved or have i just been stuck with the idea of being in love? sure i do love my parents, sister and brother, and friends like handi, Yy, josh and andrew, and i must say, it's hardly what i would call a feeling oriented kinda love, if you know what i mean. it's been more a subtle deep understanding that what i feel for them is something i chose. so does that then make love something that's meant to be void of feelings?

don't get me wrong when i speak of feelings here, because i do understand that love is essentially an act of the will, and not some warm, cosy, lovey-dovey feeling that we 'feel' as a result of chemical reactions in our bodies.

the Word speaks of love, - the ideal kind - the one that the Lord has for us, but truly, in all pessimism, how can fallen beings like you and i ever dare to dream of loving one another when love was from God to us?

on a more positive note, i think they who say that love defies logical trains of thought are truly wise men, or rather those who have humbly resigned to the fact that we as beings of well below par acumen would never grasp the simple yet noble idea/concept of love. because i would never be able after having lived for my past 19years to say i do not love my parents, sister and brother.

i'm afraid, of the unknown. truly, i do not know what lies ahead, although i can hope, optimism or pessimism are but opinions of a fallen faculty of thought, i've felt much, too much in fact in the past few days, that i ought to take a breather from feelings and focus on brain power exercise, mental stress, and getting my facts into my head for MSTD.

night and out.

true, you would be happy if you got what you want, but happiness is wanting what you have..

Lord, help me be contented with what you put in my life every single moment. help me appreciate and acknowledge that it's all there for a reason, and that all things should and must point back to you.

had a great session with my kids this morning, and i'm sure it was heavy going, but i know what's tough would only make you stronger. we will grow together as we continue to learn from each other in the intellectual sparring that will take place as we study God's word =)

it's been.. long i guess? but then again, i don't think i owe anyone this, so here goes the random snippets of what's been happening, and what's been going through my mind.

--------------------------

caught batman and initial D in two weekends, both were ok.

been thinking or rather feeling alot about some stuff, but haven't really came to any conclusion, so that's it for now.

and i spent the day eating lunch and dinner at cartel. don't ask me why it happened, it just did.

what's it say about this person if he/she:

-is who you wanna tuck into bed every night even if it means only being able to do it over the phone
-is the person you wanna call up even though you don't feel like saying a single word
-is the one's who's text message you're ever eager to reply
-is the very reason why you feel you need to set things straight every time it goes outta place, be it with yourself, or when it's an issue between the two of you

i'm just asking the question, i've yet to come up with an answer to it. help me along would you?

words.. at times they mean so much. but it's precisely when they hold such value, that their absence can also make thus great a difference.

gosh.. miscommunication is bad.. big time.

should i allow myself to claim that i'm depressed? would be just be choosing the easy way out?

yes may day's been special, but more than in one way. it shall remain between you and i.

------------------------------------

due to the nature of my uniform, i've been doing alot of ironing, and over time, i've been reminded time and again by something a preacher once mentioned.

'my favourite household chore is ironing, cause when i do it, i get talk to God, and also straighten things out'

it happened for me this weekend too. had to settle an issue, and although i didn't get it straighten out till the very last min, i'm still glad i did.
it's back to camp for another week.

this may day's been special for me.

i thank God for you.

i'm happy.

haha I think I probably just experienced the slackest 2 days of my life in MIDS. Seniors aren’t around, no officers are around (apart from Chan YS being around for swimming yesterday along with TCO – he rocks man seriously- who actually bianged him) and the best part, the training schedule is light. Well, I hope this long weekend would be a good time to recharge for the following week, where the pace is only going to get faster with many more tests, lessons and IPPT on Friday. Hope the asics come in by then so that I can use it to run my 2.4km.

on a positive note, I realized that the FNOs are actually quite nice people, and not a secluded lot of midshipmen. They’re actually quite open with guys, and I still hold unto the view that my NS life would never be what it would be without interaction with FNOs. They’re starting to term me as one of their jiemei again, just like in JC, man.. hope the good things happen, without the negative complications. Argh.. *shrugs, that was a bad experience

my my my, 7 days just flew by like that. Man…. It’s been an interesting week thus far. Had our first OOD rounds, and also the first fire drill, which was conducted by an officer, CPT Alan Seah to be exact. He’s a nice guy, I managed to clear my ROR re-test because of him. Guess I would be serving my 4wp this weekend after all, but since Atzel’s fine with doing so too, don’t see a problem anymore.

A revelation about trust, the trust part isn’t what I’m jubilated about, but rather the fact that you wished for me to be there at times when you’re sad.
To want to have someone by your side when you’re happy, you seek that person to share the joy. To want that same person by your side when you’re down, you seek that person for comfort, in hope to lessen your pain. Ask, and I promise I’ll try my best to be there.

Well, I think I shall sleep proper tonight, since my next two days will be slack, moreover it’ll be a long weekend, so hopefully I’ll fully recharge =) till I meet you, I miss you =)

I’m MOD today, and i hope nothing goes wrong. The night’s rest was quite disrupted with the heat and the many times that I was awaken by coughing and people coming into my room. Well, it’s ok, at least the night ended off on a piece of good news =)

I’m off to 7 lessons of fixing with LTC Deepak today then there will be a IPPT trial test in the afternoon of which I would not be a part of because of ATT B status, thankfully to a great extent.


Well, something did happen on my MOD day, had to write a statement in the end, but that’s not what this entry’s about.

I just finished playing pool with shaun, used my 4k1 for the first time. Played well, enjoyed his company too. Didn’t talk much though.

Neither is this entry about pool. Just felt like updating that I had a talk with J.Beckman and roy hoong, they’re NSF like myself, and I guess some of my batch div mates are starting to see some issues in a way that I would, or maybe it should be the other way round, I seeing it in their view. Oh well, I’m enjoying this shore leave thus far. Hope things turn out fine for the upcoming week.

Got quite abit of stuff to buy, hopefully will get to settle them all asap.

I’m on 4 days ATT B status. Not something I’m really happy about, but at least the last thing I have to worry about for the next 4 days is fatigue due to physical strain. My chest is hurting mildly as I breathe in hard, I think it’s the work of the phlegm that’s stuck in my nasal passage, and maybe cause I’m coughing too. The room is so stuffy, jason’s coughing, and without ventilation, I’m not surprised I’ve caught the virus too. They’re at the pool having SPT1, I don’t think it’ll be a problem for me to clear that exercise/test but I’m just not in the mood today I guess.

Learnt quite abit on chart work today, and it’s really fun =) at least I’m beginning to see the interesting portions of navigation rather than just boring theory work.

I spoke to you last night, and I’m happy that you’re glad with what I said to you, as I was glad we even talked. =) hmmm… won’t be seeing you this weekend, hope I get to the next weekend though, it’s a long one cause of labor day. Heheh, can I ask you out on a date then? =p

Well, tonight we’re going to have our first night classes of 3 this week, and it’s actually the first night training we’re having thus far in MIDS. Hope it’ll be good, maybe we’ll even get to go in admin attire. Really need to buck up in Mr Jaya’s lesson, since there’s a test this sat on it.

spent the morning in church, thankful I did, although I didn’t really interact with my kids. Spent the time studying for my navigation’s test tomorrow. Had lunch with a jem, bryan, Christian, steph, and some others. They stayed for 2 meetings – welfare and camp timetable respectively- whilst I was in the other room studying once more for my test. Took a nap in the early evening before having dinner alone, and met up with Roger to come back to SAFTI.

The night is ‘young’, it’s 2312 at the moment, and more than half the wing is still very active. It’ll probably stay this way till about 0100. I’m targeting to sleep latest by 0200, so till then, I have quite a bit of stuff to settle.
journal entry about SEA-EX
study for navs one more round
help Jason type out the required info
talk to God
get 3 hours of sleep =)

somethings you just have to set straight before moving on, and i'm glad i did do so with God and myself.

thankful for whatever's happened during this liberty break, checking back in to reality soon. two exams this week, i hope i clear them, esp the comms one.
looking forward to more of whatever comes. =)

blessed week for you all i hope!

Finally got MS office installed on this after the week in camp without any programs at all. Hmmmm… so much happened today.

Well, it was a mini confession on your side telling me you do like me, and I’m glad you shared. I’m not floating, but I’m definitely happy =) and I seriously hope you liked the flower.

I spent some time playing pool with my brother and I didn’t really enjoy it cause the balls were in bad condition and the table’s kinda overused for the day, collected too much moisture after a whole day of being used I guess.

Spent A LOT of money today. Bought coffee, things like my thermal water bottle, and most of all, placed my $350 deposit for my predator 4k1. It’s coming on Monday, but I ain’t going to collect it till a month later when my next pay comes in, then I’ll go collect it. It’s not going to run away anyway. =p going to church in a few hours time, and I still have not really studied, planning to catch some sleep, get up at 0600, start studying for a while, then proceed to church, after which I would come home and mug. Planning to reach camp latest by 2045, then can start preparing my uniform etc, and finish up one more round of mugging hopefully before we end the night.

I spent some time playing pool with my brother and I didn’t really enjoy it cause the balls were in bad condition and the table’s kinda overused for the day, collected too much moisture after a whole day of being used I guess.


Spent A LOT of money today. Bought coffee, things like my thermal water bottle, and most of all, placed my $350 deposit for my predator 4k1. It’s coming on Monday, but I ain’t going to collect it till a month later when my next pay comes in, then I’ll go collect it. It’s not going to run away anyway. =p going to church in a few hours time, and I still have not really studied, planning to catch some sleep, get up at 0600, start studying for a while, then proceed to church, after which I would come home and mug. Planning to reach camp latest by 2045, then can start preparing my uniform etc, and finish up one more round of mugging hopefully before we end the night.

by the way, for those of you who have been checking for updates, i'm sorry this one came after so long. i've been really busy thus the lack of updates. thanks for caring though, hope you all are doing fine. =)

just something child-like and cute i came across:

i ran up my door, opened up the stairs.
said my pajamas and put on my prayers.
turned off my bed, and tumbled into my light,
all because he kissed me good night.

Though the cover is worn
And its pages are torn
with places where there’s traces of tears

Yet more precious than gold
Is this book worn and old
That can shatter and scatter our fear

As I prayfully look
Into this precious old book
Many treasures and pleasures I see

Many promises of love
From my father above
Who is nearest and dearest to me

This book is a guide
A friend by my side
It will lighten and brighten my day

And each promise I find
Truth will gladden my mind
As I preach it and teach it each day

To this book I will cling
Of the words I will sing
Though many corpses and losses be mine

But I cannot despair
Though surrounded by care
By possessing this blessing divine

Great God we praise on all Your works I look
Yet Your wisdom, power and grace
Shine brightest in this book

The stars are in the heavenly row have much instruction given
But only your word instruct my soul
On how to get to heaven

i'm back from camp once again, but the different thing is, i'm only left with one major event in training, that being my 24km route march. we're done with all the other route marches, the sitest, live range, field camp, hand grenade, etc etc.

i'm 2 weeks from POP, after which i'll go where God puts me =)

----------------------

so much has happened, seriously, but it's all being recorded either in memory, words or even pictures. well, the time would come where all can be savoured as the past. trust me, that day would come, because i've got faith in that happening myself. take that step with me? =)

let there be faith, love, truth, and most importantly, Your presence Lord in what is to come between us..

-like the ends of a pearl necklace hold together, let me clasp my hand in yours-

so much sharing, warmth, and revelation. but be warned there will be more. it's not all going to be warm and comfy, there are going to be rocky times, cold wars, and even prolonged periods of silence.

keep in mind that the status quo is nice, and if God so willing, let it stay this way, but knowing the imperfections that are ever so present, be on guard for what can happen.

it's a committment, and it's going to take more effort then just a solo pilot. work at this together, in a way that would allow those invovled to look back, with pride that no problem was dodged but confrotned with boldness and assurance that it would undo itself in God's time, with the comfort that the storm was braced through in each other's company.

-last night-
"maybe we should talk less, use the night for thinking and rest, to be still and know that He is God"

it took me a while to digest the fullness of this, and yes thankfully i was preoccupied. it allowed slow seeping of the possibilities into my mind, after all it was only text.
the conclusion, i'm happy about it for various reasons that would not be mentioned here. =)

-this morning-
it is cny (as much as the lack of activities highly suggest it's just another public holiday that's got nothing to do with us like hari raya etc), so i'm off for visitation.
the dinner last night was .. ok. the food was expensive, but i wouldn't say fantastic, i guess what stood out to me more was that after so many years, we had a complete extended family. that grandpa and big uncle actually sat at the same dinner table, and that we actually said grace before food, i truly see God's hands working in my maternal family. Amen.

i'm off to the paternal side, which i ain't exactly turned on by the idea. imagination and recollection of this people... shudders.. but oh well, i'm pragmatic so i'm going. =p read deep into this. hahaha =p i'm off.

i've got one week off NS, partly cause of a two day MC, and a 5day CNY break. so yeah, that works out to one week.

i'm supposed to be sleeping/resting, but i can't at the moment. it's a warm afternoon, even though i'm in a not-so-cold aircon room. my nose is clogged, and i'm tired.
i'm thinking of doing something to relax, that would be quiet, so gaming's outta the question.
well, i'm going to.... i don't know. i'll figure out.

shall we dance?

i enjoyed,
the show,
the time spent,
the coffee,
the talk,
and you for you.

i liked the talk, the way i was able to breathe after all of it, because of things both you and i said.

"when you tear all the layers away, what should remain, is faith, truth, and the acknowledgement that God is above all problems that can occur.."

-savour the moments as we stroll down this path. there's not yet a need to run, so take time to breathe, feel, see, hear, think, and understand. the relative concept of speed is nullified in this context, so yes, what's a little patience now when we've got the whole of eternity if this was what it is..-

been a while since i could talk to someone about God the way i spoke to you today, and i'm really happy. the walks to and fro, destination-less they might have been, but not senseless, and very enjoyable. i could get used to this.

-some feelings in hibernation were nudged awake, and others were born. red is the colour of blood, and blood is life. is that life you injected into them? pour forth the gift if that is so..-

--------------------------------------------

got bible study material to prepare before i sleep
got a morning run to run
got breakfast to catch with my brother and bryan and ron
and a fufilling day in church to attend.

goodnight earth, and the extraterretial life out there, where you are.

it's a sunday, and the start of many, in which i would start counting down to my book-in time.
today's at 1945. well, goodbye to you all for another 12 days because my field camp commences on friday, thus i won't be back next weekend.

seriously, nothing sucks as much one particular issue. being absent from mainland means an absolute no chance of something happening. but oh well, hope is what i have to keep me going on i guess.

i'm hoping for a miracle i don't expect to happen.
Lord, i believe, but help me with my unbelief.

confused? i'll talk to you if i ever get the chance to and if you do ask me. that's when i'm back though.

i'm back, and i met some extraterrestrial life, and it was pleasant time spent =)

well, an army that's got no regimentation's not an army, so i guess yes i'll have to take it in stride with God's strength.

my only issue thus far is the lewd talk and ever-so-frequent spurts of foul language. man, i don't wanna complain about it, cause i can't provide a solution at this point in time. till i can, i'll just remain mum about it as much as i can.

'The Aviator' was a movie that engaged my mind. a refreshing experience from the army where you just have to process the (rather) simple instructions and protocols taught to you. i hope i don't screw up, especially with the live rounds and grenades man. *shudders at the thought of the possibilities of gunshot wounds*

did my groccery shopping today, going to get my field camp stuff tomorrow, and that's all for tonight i guess. it's good to be home. camp's sweet, but home's sweeter.
night people.
all the best tomorrow for you =)

i'm 23hours away from enlistment. not feeling anything in particular.
coughing, blocked nose, and an irritable temper.

i hope i would enjoy the change in environment. away from people i know, being together with people i hardly know. maybe this change would be good.
then when i know those i initially didn't, and not know those i used to, maybe the switch might come about again.
nobody knows. nobody knows it but me.

i'm happy you're in touch with your feelings, and your new ec. atta girl. all the way =)

financial independence is my new year resolution.

that was the final hundred dollars i took. i hope, but i'll learn to survive.

it's been quite a while now, but i'm thankful for where i am, and the people i'm with.
we're all in the main office of covenant house, and those who are either not able to sleep even though they're tired, or because they're working. yeah school work, they're having school at the moment, and it will only be confirmed whether they get their official leave from school for the camp.

incoherent thoughts are going through all our minds at this moment, and it's cause it's 3 am in the morning, and we're just surviving on the chemical caffeine our bodies are producing when we push our bodies to overdrive.

well well, goodnight to you people, and i hope you all find your remaining days of 2004 meaningful in reflection. ciao

gosh, i'm so blessed, and i'm so pissed, and i'm so.. i don't know.

i like to see, the blackness of the paper i buy for christmas cards
i like to smell, the fragrance of a cologne like armani mania
i like to hear, the tick produce by a well stroked shot from a maple shaft
i like to taste, the bitter-sweetness of coffee
i like to feel, the smoothness of suede
and above all,
i like you.

i think i'm starting to turn into a temporal shutter bug. i keep imagining how things i see would appear like in photos, and even went to the extent of taking those pictures. haha. maybe i'll be able to write something about these photos soon.

for what it's worth, i think the people who care for and love me, have serious issues.
you people ought to go for mental and physical checks, to ascertain just which parts of you have problems, that you should even bother with a screwed up like yours truly.

i can't say nothing much has happened, because indeed a lot has!
haha

melbourne was interesting without parents and just siblings. it was a different experience from last year, and enjoyable too. the beer was a plus, and the food was really good at times. the company was nice too =)

prom wasn't fantastic but it was memorable in it's own ways. so many pretty young ladies that night. some looked really fantastic, but i felt that others looked nicer on other days.

up and coming, piano exam in 5 days and counting.

the ipod is really pretty. wait. all ipods (white and black ones only) are pretty, but mine's the prettiest! =p hahaha
i really like it.

did some major reshuffling today, of the furniture in my bedroom, the dining room, and my brother's room. the hall's not touched, yet.
am shagged from the day, but i miss soccer. hope i get to watch some good soccer tonight.
*went to check activeodds for the games tonight*

*back*
disappointment. none of those i want to watch are playing tonight.
guess i'll sleep. =p afterall, i'm supposed to have an earlier-than-usual sunday morning tomorrow, cause i want to have breakfast. i miss kayabutter toast, with porridge and eggs. =)

goodnight people for now.
i hope those in Ophir are doing fine.
i hope those in korea are having fun,
and i hope those back here in spore are still having fun too =)

and you never did reply. it's a vicious cycle.
a clown's laughter with a sardonic stain.

well, the bbq was fun, and i was contented. and godpa gave me my new bag. it's pretty, i love it. and i love my godpa too =)

night people.

how do i tell you,
what i see through my eyes when i look at you?
when i'm lost for words,
to describe the beauty you show me,
or when i acknowledge that silence,
does come hand in hand with being in awe.

dtob noi dai mai dtob chun noi waa ter kit teung gunmai dtong waan dtong waew rok yaak taam kae hai ter
dtob noi dai mai dtob chun gon waa ter kit teung chun
yaang tee chun mun kit teung koi ter glub maa

it's in thai, a nice song someone sent me.
here's the translation.

Could you please answer me that you miss me.
You don't have to be sweet. I just want to ask you...
Can you answer me? Answer me first, that you miss me
Just like I miss you, and wait for you to return

the absurdities of our parents are usually but the norms of their children - us.

i guess that's something parenting will teach me in future, that's if i have kids.

math p2 tomorrow, all the best to all taking it.
just had dinner, going to take a long good shower, practise one more math p2, and then go to bed.

Ronan Keating - We've got tonight

i know it's late,
i know you're weary,
i know your plans don't include
me.
still here we are,
both of us lonely,
longing for shelter,
from
all that we see.
why should we worry,
no one would care
girl,
look at
the stars now,
so far away,

Chorus
We've got
tonight,
who needs tomorrow,
we've got tonight
babe,
why don't you
stay?

Deep in my soul,
i've been so
lonely.
all of my
heart,
fading away.
i've longed for love,
like everyone else does.
i
know i keep searching,
after today.

so there it is
girl,
we've got it all now,
and here we are
babe,
what do you
say?

Chorus

i know it's late and i
know you're weary,
i
know your plans don't include me,
still here we
are,
both of us
lonely,
both of us lonely,
lonely.

We've
got tonight,
who
needs tomorrow,
let's make it last,
let's find
a way.
Turn out the
lights,
come take my hand now,
we've got
tonight babe,
why don't we
stay?
we've got tonight babe,
why
don't we stay?

-------------------------------

ok, i lied.

i'm sorry, but i didn't know what else to say.i've got things on my mind, and the Lord knows what they
are. i need a good night's sleep, yeah that's what i need for now. maybe i'll see you tomorrow morning, maybe i wouldn't.
goodnight.

it's the festival of lights.
nothing to do with me though.
haha, just that it's probably the only reason why i don't have a paper today.

hmmm.. i've been thinking about the multi-racial, multi-cultural nature of my country. the secular-ness of it. maybe if it didn't come so easily, my faith wouldn't waver that much huh. but oh well, i'm here for a reason.

i went to the airport last night again. had a night of math, and will continue to do one more paper later on, before i get down to physics. will study econs tomorrow, or maybe i'll stay up through the night again.

going out for dinner, hope we get to eat nice food. i've got a resolution to eat less. eating to fill my tummy, rather than enjoying great food now. i can't afford to do so anymore. putting on lots of weight.

it's 14days to the end of my exams.

it's an unknown amount of days to the end of the world.

my trip to the states to visit handi has been cancelled because he's going to china with his family. what a waste. i might just fly over to london to visit ange then.

it's thursday tonight, which means 4 (or is it still 5?) singaporeans are going on stage to fight for their votes, to be crowned the singapore idol. wow, can you feel the excitement? if you can, let me know, cause you weren't supposed to. i think it's dumb. sorry to those who are ardent fans of AI, SI, and all the other idol shows.

well, i just got back from a game of basketball with my brother. we went to play at a court that we used to play at 4 to 5 years ago. things have changed, we have changed. well, shall not elaborate for now. not the time for penning thoughts like this now.

music - Worthy is the Lamb

my muscles are aching, especially my thighs. a result of basketball yesterday after having stopped playing for almost 3 weeks now. but it helped with the sleep last night, and hopefully tonight as well. i'm trying to break up the nocturnal cycle as i mentioned 2 days back i believe.

i have no idea why i'm feeling this moody/uneasy. but i must say, i'm feeling much better after talking to God. no He's not my aunt agony. He's more like a lover, whom i'm still very much infatuated with, and miss dearly throughout the day. still learning as much as i can about Him, and at least i know it's something from within me. it's not something that's forced, it's not fake, and even it were that case to you, in someone else's words, "it's your perception, not my reality".
no one pissed me off, nothing really sparked it off, just sort of slipped into 'this' as i made my way home.
was a rather productive day of practising math in the school library today, although it was really quite noisy with all my juniors doing up their GPF for the last time. congrats to them, and kudos to the hard work - or the lack of it - that's gone into it. hope you people score well.

come to think of it, my teeth are also aching. or rather, my whole jaw is.
i don't know what's up with my teeth. they ache nowadays even when i drink cold water. i think it's something wrong with my nerves. this is bad, cause i love drinking cold water that is.

something i wrote for those i know i love.

the trickle of a stream,
the thunderous roar of the niagara.
strumming of
4 simple chords that make up a song of praise,
or the brainchild of
musicianship, brought to life by the creme de la
creme,
it all
points to you,
and the love you have for me.

the love i can
return,
is not worth mentioning a fraction.
it's my prayer it
suffices,
and i'm sorry i let you down at times.
but still hold me
close
to you.
let our fingers intertwine like those of lovers,
that i
might
rest by your side,
knowing you're there by the sound of your
breaths.

love me,
love you,
let it be so.

goodnight earth, and you.

i just had dinner, and i feel like writing some stuff, but i'll do so later, after i talk to God.

it's puzzling why i always seem to have fish on the dinner table. haha, i love it, and i ain't complaining. =p

had curry fish head, and that was what i call a good dinner. =)

it's not a good dinner just because it's curry fish head, but rather cause it was really good. yeah, it could be the simplest of foods, like duck porridge, but if it's good, it would suffice for my dinner. =)

i'm a satisfied boy tonight, and i've only got one wish. i'm hoping it will be fulfilled.

mama told me over dinner, just let God know your heart's desires, but
more so, ask that His will be done. then you wait. yeah, that's what i'm going
to do.

bloody headache.

pleasant phone call.

white pills.

my bed.

slumber.

they ain't in order of any sort.

do your parents pick up your cellphone when it's ringing and it doesn't happen to be by your side?
haha, i almost got a shock of my life when i called a friend, because that happened. haha.

well, it's been pretty much of a slacked day, and i'm just waiting for my body to call me to bed, then i'm going to plonk in it for a good 8 hours, then i'll start the day! =) physics!!! here i come!

3 days to my start of my A levels, and 24 days to it's end.

studying overnight at the airport. quite effective. it's controlled circumstances and environment i guessed, that's why i have to study.

but it kinda screws up my bio clock, so i'll have to ease up on the frequency now that my GP's just next thursday.

for now, i want to relax. game. i'm tired.

i'm having a acne outbreak again. darn.
and something's puzzling me. i have been sleeping, haven't been pumping the caffeine yet, and eating properly, exercising. so what's up with this outbreak? gosh..

Heaven is a wonderful place,
filled with glory and grace.
Singapore's a small place in comparison,
it has had it's golden age,
but it sure has quite a few souls in it,
who happen to know each other,
because Singapore's a small place.

never thought lives could intertwine like this,
but oh well,
it happens like everything else does for a reason.
i don't know what's up with us all,
but i sure hope to find out in time.

in time,
all can heal,
all can be known,
and all can be done,
only in time,
when the Lord chooses for it to be so.

fyi, if you ain't going to stop smiling,
i'm coming over,
to hug you.
please don't stop.

imo, a cherub smiles like you do.
J smiles like you sometime too,
it's with that same glitter in your eyes,
it must be your mother's eyes you have.

the way your hair falls over your ears,
covers your forehead from time to time,
makes it seem like that's the way it's meant to be.
you make it natural.
you make it you,
the way you are.

i just finished watching 'Drumline'.
pure talent, i'm truly amazed. go catch it if you can, or rather, i don't think it's on anymore, cause i ripped it =p

--------------

it's my science practical tomorrow, and i'm mildy freaking out.

i'm begining to see why people like Mr Koh who has a havard first class honours and Mr Kwan who's equally as into math exist.

you just get better at it the more you do it. haha, well, at least at this level lah. =)

headache, darn it. it's persistent, or maybe it's just my mind. arGh!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, it's papa's birthday tomorrow, going out later on to meet yy, mel and edwin, and also get a card for papa.

man.. and we're all swinging..

i pulled my bicep, strained it too much today whilst playing basketball i guess. arGh!

i'm really sleepy.. =(

8th jan 2005, 1130am.
another day to look forward to. haha, enlistment. came earlier than i expected, but i know it works out in this way for a reason. =)

this is how i spent my day:

piano in the morning.
bought bass guitar strings for my brother.
went out for lunch with mom at amoy street, lor mee, yum!
went to Gentlemen's Quarters, got my suit done.
repaired my oakleys, new mechanism in the stem springs, more comfortable now.
came home for dinner with family. =)

well, that's all i've done thus far for the day. doesn't sound like i've got my A levels in two weeks huh. haha
well, i do!
and that's why i'm getting down to work now.

i'm still dazed by that crescent on your face.

if i could walk away from it all,

i would walk,

towards you.

i sigh with a smile.
looking into those windows,
i see eyes apart from his.
i see more than one being when i see him trot down the maroon carpet towards the stage.
learning to be content with the now of things,
that's why the smile accompanies the sigh.

help me Lord.

ain't he cute?
immortalized in writing, fossilized in pictures.

well, i was 12 hours late. for my run that is.
instead of running at 6am in the morning, i decided to give it a miss cause my body was tired from last night's exercise. woke up for piano, turned out to be a misunderstanding, and i wasted the trip down to bras basah.
ended up eating breakfast with shaun, and accompanied him for his haircut.

came home, and started work slow.. tsk tsk. but at least i completed 1 econs p1, and 60-70% of a math p1. hope to complete it and another one if possible so that i can go for consultation tomorrow.

dinner is to be served shortly, ok. i'm kidding. hahaha, don't know what time we'll eat, but i'm sure we will. hahaha.
i'm dead broke.
yes. d.e.a.d b-r-o-k-e.

well well, tempers boiling.. hmmm.. i wonder why. hope they ease out soon man.. relax brother and sister! hahaha

no, it's not myself, or my family for that matter, thankfully. it's just some of my friends.

well, it's been a really plesant weekend thus far, and i think it's ended on a nice tone, having spent it with my family for dinner, and grocery shopping.
we bought the usual stuff, and i stocked up on some food that i could use for lunch at home now that i no longer have to go to school.
the best part of it, we bought ice cream! hahaha
haagen dasz, tiramisu, and one more flavour, can't remember what it is. gosh, my memory is getting bad.

well, i'm getting up at 630 tomorrow to run with shaun, hope it gets me started feeling fresh in the morning =)

good night earth.

we're celebrating roger's birthday today =)

haha, going for my haircut before that though, and we're meeting for pool at parkway at 430.

hmmm.. it's full swing more than before after today.. all the best to me man..

to tell you i'm joyous leaving college, i would be lying outright.
i am sad about it, and i'm already missing it.
i do love meridian.
i do love meridians.

yes, indeed, we are born of a vision to be the best..

*your smile is the key to my locked up heart

it's been a while now.. well, that's that. a screwed up day, and nothing's really going to change that. i'm really tired though.

------------------------

darn, i don't want to go for lessons tomorrow, but i have to. last lessons of my jc life anyway. haha.
need to pass someone something anyway, and also it's one my second last official day being in school. it... gets my emotions welled up. i can't say i would cry, but i know i've given up a part of me to the school. willingly.
it'll never change that i was part of the pioneer batch, it would never change that i was who i have been in the school as a student, friend, and senior.

well, it's time to say goodbye i guess. and it's saddening, but i smile knowing that it was once there. thank you all for having made my stay in meridian the way it was.

---------------------------

lyrics to a song,
i could type for all to see.
but the tones and feelings of an instrumental,
you have to hear for yourself.

the unspoken words,
there probably aren't any anyway.
but figments of imagination,
and hope are the narcotics i turn to.
to get me past my darkness moments,
of the cold fact of unfufilled dreams that would remain that way.

you want to be happy,
i want you to be happy.
but i don't dare to make any promises,
cause i ain't sure whether i could make you smile.
i sure do know what your smile is like,
but i guess i have to content that i'm not the reason of it,
at this point in time,
and almost surely never.

would you ever care to turn the key you hold to this lock?

today's been a productive day in school, but i don't wanna remain on this 'high'.. i want to go higher! hahaha, in mrs crossley's words, i should get so high, that i don't feel tired anymore =)

GP lecture was really intellectual today, esp mrs logan, and it was fun on the whole. well, my 1st and last GP lecture. hahaha.

i'm tired, so i'm going to bed early tonight. =)

*your smile makes me smile

i know God loves me, i'm not so sure you do.

alright, it's an unmatured, childish thought i'm entertaining. you have to love me, at the very least, that's what you've said and shown all these years.

well, i'm more concerned about being stumbled. and i don't want war.
if my absence is the price tag of peace, i'll pick up the tab this time round.

longer nights in school, it'll be like the good old days, when i was still in council. hmm.. but for different purpose this time round i think.

23 days to my a levels.

be with me God. please.

2 weeks ago, an issue surfaced and i was ready to address it, but it was pushed away cause some other things cropped up. well, it's back, and i want to settle it today.

hope i get to talk to my mom later on. well, it's dinner for now. laters people.

*the way your pale beautiful face oscillates from side to side in quick succession, as a negative response to my question is still vivid in my head as though you're just seated right there next to me..

do you how much of a distraction you are? =)

just finished memoirs of a geisha. like all 'romance' movies and books, that feeling's back, but oh well. it's not the cause of why i'm feeling like that. that's secondary.

---------------------

don't wanna think about it all.

maybe i'll wander in the desert for 10, 20 years before finding out where i'm supposed to go. well, i don't want that to happen. =(

disappointments are part and parcel of life, and i just... oh well.. hmmm.. nevermind.

i have to get this cause and effect thing outta my head. it's childish, and it's so near-sighted. i have to learn to look at the bigger picture of things happening around me.

well, i have people to look up to at least. uncle mengkim, wah kor, and others i believe. but oh well, looking at them ain't tantamount to my life falling in their footsteps, although i could try to emulate parts of their lives here and there.

oh well, dinner is going to be one of good f0od, crabs at kallang airport food centre.
till laters..

ever went through a split second for which you think it's really dumb to be thinking of something, but the very next moment you realise that you're actually the one entertaining that very same 'childish' thought?

November Rain

oldie to me, although i ain't that young, and they ain't that old.
well, had dinner with godma, teowhin and joyce, had a nice evening.

england's playing, but i don't feel like watching.
i'm tired, i'm going to bed.

i finished TDB, moving on to My Utmost for His Highest. hope it's sufficient material for input.

i'm disappointed that it's the second week in a row i failed trying, but oh well, it happens for a reason, and i guess i'm to be blamed. no qualms.

night earth

hey hey people back home, i'm updating my posts from heaven. it's great up here. i get to talk to God and listen to the angels, the computers here are really much better than the ones back at home.. and the best part, we never feel tired up here... etc etc..

----------------------------

hmmm... ok, i'm day dreaming. but i really wonder what it's like up there, and i hope i go to God in my sleep.

well, i played pool for 3 solid hours yesterday, may have been slightly longer, but that's it for pool for now, at least till the A levels. - have to find other ways to destress from now till the A's are over; probably movies and books.

as a result, my right knee was hurting like mad, and i had to ice it when i got home. this is quite bad. i'm 18, and i'm going for NS soon, and i have a knee like that.. tsk tsk.. hope it'll heal prior to my entry, through God's healing and rest.

i just had breakfast with my dad and brother, mom's attending her course. got to complete at least one math paper before i go to church later on, i think i'll attempt the TPJC one.

- well, hopes and dreams are what keeps up going.. do dream on people, and keep on hoping.. =)

ok, prior to this entry, i was messing around with my layout, and i kinda screwed up my html.

that suffice as reason number 1 of 2 to change my URL.
the other reason is cause someone found my previous link through another friend. no worries to you, but yeah, you know my preference, so please respect it =) you're still loved very much.

i spent 1 hour clearing up the mess that the post mortem of the prelim's created. it's quite disgusting, but at least tonight i've got a full study table to work with. and since i slept from 3-6plus, i'm going to sleep at earliest 1230. i need to do lotsa stuff anyway.

probably add another entry later, got to rush off for dinner now. ciao.

i hope i didn't just screw up my blog.

i could only pray for you, and yes i want to =)

i hope you would give unto the Lord your apprehension, distrust, and the whole problem if possible. haha, hope the day your own magic works for yourself comes soon =)

ok, maybe it was too early for a good night afterall, but hey, i'm entittled to this glee and the cherubim smile i have within me at this point in time right? =p

i'm really thankful i can seek solace in Your Word.
hmmm.. i'm feeling much more peaceful now, as compared to just now right after my shower, when i was really ready to erupt. but it wouldn't have done much good anyway, so yeah, i'm thankful i chose to walk away after punching my fist into my other palm. that sufficed for then.

hmmm.. many j1s would be taking their promos tomorrow, and i'm praying for my friends.
hope your eye swell has recovered.
well, to all those still taking exams, or going to take them this coming week, i wish you all the best, do your best and He will do the rest =)

i took my medicine, and i've got only 1.5 hours of lessons tomorrow. so i'm going to bed now.
goodnight to you, and world.

if i counted correctly, the last 4 times she speaks, it's always recieved with negative feelings on my end.
why?!?!?!? arGh!!!!!!!!!!!
late afternoon yesterday, she starts.
early this morning in the car, there she goes again.
it's already evening on sunday, and i would have expected a day in church to dispel all this angst in her, no, she goes at it the very moment she wakes up from her afternoon nap. gosh.

i really wanted to talk to her later on this evening, but i don't think i'm going to do so now.
it's just so... wrong... to do it at this time now.

Gosh~!
-roy lamented.

cough drop OD. with a flu tablet.
hope i sleep peacefully tonight.

i'm tired.
i cannot confirm whether it's 33 days left, but i don't care for now. i want to sleep.

goodnight world, and to you, yeah, you too. night.

i got my shure e2c's. they're babies, and they're good babies =) hahahaha
can you tell i'm a happy boy? i'm telling you i am =p
i got my new Remo drum pad to practise on too. hoping to improve.
34days to A levels.

36 days.

mooncakes are nice, but i could do away with the racket that the GRC gathering downstairs's causing.
i've got half a TJC p1 left, and 2 new DRQs. should i attempt to finish everything tonight? i seriously need help with my math..

i got back most of my prelim results on the first day of school. haha.
they aren't fantastic, but i've made improvement, and i'm really thankful for my Math grade. =)

thus far, i've got:
B4 for GP,
D for econs,
aO for math,
and my physics grade is unknown as of today.

haha, it's not pretty, but to me, it's a good start, of the 37 days left to my A levels. cool huh. =)
well, we'll see what God can do in thus short a time, with a willing soul (hopefully =p)

---------------------------

wah, jie mei's camera just spoilt, cause someone dropped it, *ouch*
but i seriously think you should get the one that Ne got. she got it at $1299, and you're getting it at $599, if i were you, i would grab it. it's like what? 4Megapixel? that's more than enough for me man.. i'm not shutterbug, so yeah.

well, here's the homework list for today.
1. TJC math paper 1
2. J2002 Econs P2, Drq Qn 1 on belgium and it's economy.

-----------------------

oh yeah, i'm getting my allowance this friday, and this is what i plan to spend on for this month. it sets me back quite a bit, but hey, for quality of my music, why not man?

http://www.shure.com/earphones/images/e2c_big.jpg

hahahah.. till laters people =)

question of the day: should one be allowed to feel sad from time to time?

if you have an answer to this, share it with me?
i'm caught in this cycle, and i'm getting quite sick of it.
happy out of home, and upset in it.
realised i used home and not house? it's still cause i know something's wrong.
there used to be warmth, love, and a looking-forwardness to home, the smell of it, the feel of it.

-a selfish streak
-a can't be bothered attitude
-playing too much
-sleeeping too much

just some of the topics the nagging's been going on and on for and about.
come on, if it ain't there, they won't nagging.
i have come to terms with that, but i don't understand, and so i have yet to come to terms with other things.

it's been like that when i'm close to You, it's also been like that when you're so far away.
so which is better off?
i haven't been speaking to You the whole of this week, is this why all these is happening? but it happens even when i'm talking to You practically every segment of the day. so what's up?

------------------------------------------

then:
*finger points* Look at your brother, learn from him, he's so caring, so loving, yada yada..

now:
*finger points* Look your YOUR brother, learn from HIM, HE's so caring, considerate, yada yada.. what happened to YOU?

you get the flow?
let me attempt to explain.
in the former ten years ago, the finger was pointed at me.
in the latter, now, the finger is pointed at my brother.

i admit, i've grown up, to be a different boy from who i used to be.

i don't think of others like i used to think of asking josie to the table to join us for dinner.
i don't exercise my initiative to hang the clothes, mop the floor, or water the plants for that matter.
i've lost that angelic innocence.
i've gained my PSLE results, O level results, and grade 8 distinction in my piano.
i've gained a whole lot of pride in myself, haughtiness, condescension upon others.
i've learnt to satisfy myself before others, and i claim i've learnt to love over the past few relationships i've had, but in retrospect, it's bullshit, with the exception of Julia.

so what if i bother to open up doors for girls? or make sure they get home safely? or let them up the escalator or the bus before i do? it surmounts to ziltch. look at it in this light, what's often termed as "desireable" by others, can be actions simply acted out without the heart in it. the devil knows the entire bible, he knows God even better than i do, but he ain't got the heart, that's why he's who he is.
- this is reason number 1 why i'm so thankful i don't reciprocate the feelings that the poor innocent girl has for me. she doesn't know me, and i'm glad she doesn't.

------------------------------------

only with confession does worship follow suit after a calamity.
realignment can only take place when the recognition for the need to do so is born.
i want to, yes i'm making a choice.
God help me with it. this i beg of you. yes i do.

------------------------------------

the ecstasy of the flesh throws the mind into a fumble, and in turn leads the spirit along with the temple into wayward deeds. steer thyself away from what tempts, unless it is in line with what the Holy Spirit prompts. gorge out your eye if it's what causes you to sin. hold your tongue if it's what causes hurt, and remain silent till words of wisdom, love, assurance and edification is poured forth from the very same tongue.
Love will triumph over all, good and evil.
Amen.

gosh.. whee!~

hahaha, i wonder whether this glee is ever going to be justified.
hMmmmm.. hahahahahahahaha.... ~!~!~! =p

good night people, and all the best to all taking physics prac tomorrow.

The Calling - Wherever you wil go

it doesn't take any more than 2 rejections flat in the face for an ego to feel flatten.
right, it wasn't their faults that they were busy, and had to rush off, yes, and i ain't blaming anyone. i'm just feeling... well.. rejected.

i read this off someone's nick, and i thought it was really insightful.
"when you recieve an insult, top it. if you can't top it, laugh it off. well, if you can't even laugh it off, it's probably deserved."

------------------------------------

gosh.. tempers flying again.. darn it.
what a turn off.

a skin of copper
a sky of grey
a curtain of white
and a heart of gloom

miscommunication. sigh, i'm upset because of that. thankfully none of them read this.
gosh..
Lord i ask that you seek my motive and correct me if i habour wrong intentions for wanting to do what i did. i'm at a loss, teach me, and guide me Lord.

i've been writing alot, so much so that i'm actually quite shocked how i'm able to finish a long tube of pelikan blue ink in a week. need to get a refill. i think the uncle will be darn shocked too.

well, most of my writing has been actually my conversations with God, and my thoughts. so in a way, i've been talking alot too.

it's 2 days to my unofficial end of my prelims. i think i'm going to screw up big time, but with God's grace, i'll pull through.

i think i'm posting here cause i know there're people out there who read, and care, but i'm sorry, i can't tell you all in words like that. if you need my assurance, i'm doing well, and i'm actually very good =) thanks to God.

i'm still looking around for a leather bound journal, anyone know where i could get it? in singapore that is.
please please please let me know if you do have resources. thank you.

i'm so bloated, from the Macs dinner i just had, and the large mug of chinese tea i had. haha. hmmm.. it's econs paper1 and 2 tomorrow, shall go revise now, although i'm more worried about my math paper2. tsk tsk.. *anxiety kicks in* and i kick it out of the window, nah. i hand it to God =) thank You.

for those of you who think He's but a servant whom i go to for my woes and troubles and things like that, you have no idea what great fun we're having together. don't understate the value of something you cannot comprehend. =)

took out the music, changed the layout, let me know what you think of it yeah?

i think sometimes things get too complicated in the midst of we trying to make it simple. want an example? take a statistical analysis for example. who actually needed to know all those figures and pie charts and fractions? i sure didn't need to.

good night people for now.

What do you call collectively,
That the eye can see,
heads turning to appreciate beauty as she walks down the streets,
That the ear can hear,
the majesty of children all singing praises unto Him that send a warm tingle down your spine,
That the nose can smell,
the whiff of mother's love from the kitchen as i step home,
That the tongue can taste,
the sweetness of sugar in the richness of coffee,
That our skin should feel,
the millions of messages our bodies tell each other in a unified tone of a hug that's long overdue?
i call it God's love for me.

thanks to cassandra from MMC. got it from enlin though. hmm.. one performance i'll never forget.
immortalized in writing, fossilized in pictures.

bought a new pen, and have been writing in a diary. hope i continue to, even in the midst of my exams. well, nothing much to say for now, because i've written most of my thoughts for the day down in the my diary.
take care people and have fun.

*why should stress as a result of limited human understanding preceed faith hope and love?

so weird, all these feelings i have in me now.
it may have been the excessive amounts of caffeine, or maybe the people i spoke to through the night, or maybe cause i slept at 5am in the morning, or maybe cause of a show i re-watched.
in any case, i'm feeling melancholic.

i need my haircut, and i need to study.
will go for it later on, but i'm considering studying outside. i'm just wondering.. hmmm..

i've learnt so many new things in the last 3 days of my life, that i'm pretty much overwhelmed by my emotions. i ain't so sure it's time to be going through this.

Lord, i ask you be with me. my legs are feeling very jelly-like.

if there's one thing worse than not having friends, it would be that your friends ignore you.

had a good night's sleep, and had a good breakfast with my brother. got bad news though that my sister's apartment was broken into last night, but thankfully apart from a few missing things, all else is fine.
plan to do my QT before starting on a math paper today.

*i ask that this day be productive and that you help me appreciate the little things you've done in my life..

some say blogging helps, others gorge, yet others shop, but i think all don't work for me, and i personally op for sleep. at least i don't waste money or time doing something only to realise later that i regret it.
who can regret sleeping?

ah screw it.
yeah, screw it.
don't you get me? screw it!
ok, let me spell it out for you one last time.
S.C.R.E.W I.T!

i think i used like 50msgs in half an hour, so that time 3, i used 150msgs over dinner.
i don't really care about it anyway.
i need my shower, and my bed.

*a voice lingers in the head,
and for that moment,
language doesn't matter,
only the voice does.*

ever felt anything like that before?
well, don't answer, cause it wasn't meant to be answered.

ok, no, it's not some screw up on the database. yes it's been really quite some time now since i've stepped down, but just felt like posting the pictures only now. so yeah. i would be posting up the Love Meridian Day pics too.

nostalgia. our 1st pose together in school uniform, and the last together, in blazers.

right after the step down..

see the smiles?

Mr Tee's idea again.. =p

i wonder what the wall will be like by the time the next president steps down.

nostalgia, love, friendships, bonded, unity, happiness, laughter, smiles, and tears, are some of the words that have been flashing past my mind.

from all the posts that i read, from the pictures i see, from the memories i have, yes, i end up crying inside, but with both tears of joy and sorrow.
joy for the appreciation that we were once there,
sorrow for the knowledge that it must come to an end.

i think to say you people rock, i understate the true value of what you guys mean to me.
well, i'm not at a loss of words, because i know i want to tell you people i love you all.
yes s303, i do love you guys.
that my love sprung from my only hate, now i feel the stabs of bittersweet sorrow.

i have more to say, but i don't think it's the time to do so now. i don't want to write about these things when i'm so tired, when i fail to express what i truly feel, and i dim the hues of the colours that you people brought into my life. help me be fair to you people.
que sera sera.