just something child-like and cute i came across:

i ran up my door, opened up the stairs.
said my pajamas and put on my prayers.
turned off my bed, and tumbled into my light,
all because he kissed me good night.

Though the cover is worn
And its pages are torn
with places where there’s traces of tears

Yet more precious than gold
Is this book worn and old
That can shatter and scatter our fear

As I prayfully look
Into this precious old book
Many treasures and pleasures I see

Many promises of love
From my father above
Who is nearest and dearest to me

This book is a guide
A friend by my side
It will lighten and brighten my day

And each promise I find
Truth will gladden my mind
As I preach it and teach it each day

To this book I will cling
Of the words I will sing
Though many corpses and losses be mine

But I cannot despair
Though surrounded by care
By possessing this blessing divine

Great God we praise on all Your works I look
Yet Your wisdom, power and grace
Shine brightest in this book

The stars are in the heavenly row have much instruction given
But only your word instruct my soul
On how to get to heaven

i'm back from camp once again, but the different thing is, i'm only left with one major event in training, that being my 24km route march. we're done with all the other route marches, the sitest, live range, field camp, hand grenade, etc etc.

i'm 2 weeks from POP, after which i'll go where God puts me =)

----------------------

so much has happened, seriously, but it's all being recorded either in memory, words or even pictures. well, the time would come where all can be savoured as the past. trust me, that day would come, because i've got faith in that happening myself. take that step with me? =)

let there be faith, love, truth, and most importantly, Your presence Lord in what is to come between us..

-like the ends of a pearl necklace hold together, let me clasp my hand in yours-

so much sharing, warmth, and revelation. but be warned there will be more. it's not all going to be warm and comfy, there are going to be rocky times, cold wars, and even prolonged periods of silence.

keep in mind that the status quo is nice, and if God so willing, let it stay this way, but knowing the imperfections that are ever so present, be on guard for what can happen.

it's a committment, and it's going to take more effort then just a solo pilot. work at this together, in a way that would allow those invovled to look back, with pride that no problem was dodged but confrotned with boldness and assurance that it would undo itself in God's time, with the comfort that the storm was braced through in each other's company.

-last night-
"maybe we should talk less, use the night for thinking and rest, to be still and know that He is God"

it took me a while to digest the fullness of this, and yes thankfully i was preoccupied. it allowed slow seeping of the possibilities into my mind, after all it was only text.
the conclusion, i'm happy about it for various reasons that would not be mentioned here. =)

-this morning-
it is cny (as much as the lack of activities highly suggest it's just another public holiday that's got nothing to do with us like hari raya etc), so i'm off for visitation.
the dinner last night was .. ok. the food was expensive, but i wouldn't say fantastic, i guess what stood out to me more was that after so many years, we had a complete extended family. that grandpa and big uncle actually sat at the same dinner table, and that we actually said grace before food, i truly see God's hands working in my maternal family. Amen.

i'm off to the paternal side, which i ain't exactly turned on by the idea. imagination and recollection of this people... shudders.. but oh well, i'm pragmatic so i'm going. =p read deep into this. hahaha =p i'm off.

i've got one week off NS, partly cause of a two day MC, and a 5day CNY break. so yeah, that works out to one week.

i'm supposed to be sleeping/resting, but i can't at the moment. it's a warm afternoon, even though i'm in a not-so-cold aircon room. my nose is clogged, and i'm tired.
i'm thinking of doing something to relax, that would be quiet, so gaming's outta the question.
well, i'm going to.... i don't know. i'll figure out.

shall we dance?

i enjoyed,
the show,
the time spent,
the coffee,
the talk,
and you for you.

i liked the talk, the way i was able to breathe after all of it, because of things both you and i said.

"when you tear all the layers away, what should remain, is faith, truth, and the acknowledgement that God is above all problems that can occur.."

-savour the moments as we stroll down this path. there's not yet a need to run, so take time to breathe, feel, see, hear, think, and understand. the relative concept of speed is nullified in this context, so yes, what's a little patience now when we've got the whole of eternity if this was what it is..-

been a while since i could talk to someone about God the way i spoke to you today, and i'm really happy. the walks to and fro, destination-less they might have been, but not senseless, and very enjoyable. i could get used to this.

-some feelings in hibernation were nudged awake, and others were born. red is the colour of blood, and blood is life. is that life you injected into them? pour forth the gift if that is so..-

--------------------------------------------

got bible study material to prepare before i sleep
got a morning run to run
got breakfast to catch with my brother and bryan and ron
and a fufilling day in church to attend.

goodnight earth, and the extraterretial life out there, where you are.

it's a sunday, and the start of many, in which i would start counting down to my book-in time.
today's at 1945. well, goodbye to you all for another 12 days because my field camp commences on friday, thus i won't be back next weekend.

seriously, nothing sucks as much one particular issue. being absent from mainland means an absolute no chance of something happening. but oh well, hope is what i have to keep me going on i guess.

i'm hoping for a miracle i don't expect to happen.
Lord, i believe, but help me with my unbelief.

confused? i'll talk to you if i ever get the chance to and if you do ask me. that's when i'm back though.

i'm back, and i met some extraterrestrial life, and it was pleasant time spent =)

well, an army that's got no regimentation's not an army, so i guess yes i'll have to take it in stride with God's strength.

my only issue thus far is the lewd talk and ever-so-frequent spurts of foul language. man, i don't wanna complain about it, cause i can't provide a solution at this point in time. till i can, i'll just remain mum about it as much as i can.

'The Aviator' was a movie that engaged my mind. a refreshing experience from the army where you just have to process the (rather) simple instructions and protocols taught to you. i hope i don't screw up, especially with the live rounds and grenades man. *shudders at the thought of the possibilities of gunshot wounds*

did my groccery shopping today, going to get my field camp stuff tomorrow, and that's all for tonight i guess. it's good to be home. camp's sweet, but home's sweeter.
night people.
all the best tomorrow for you =)

i'm 23hours away from enlistment. not feeling anything in particular.
coughing, blocked nose, and an irritable temper.

i hope i would enjoy the change in environment. away from people i know, being together with people i hardly know. maybe this change would be good.
then when i know those i initially didn't, and not know those i used to, maybe the switch might come about again.
nobody knows. nobody knows it but me.

i'm happy you're in touch with your feelings, and your new ec. atta girl. all the way =)

financial independence is my new year resolution.

that was the final hundred dollars i took. i hope, but i'll learn to survive.

it's been quite a while now, but i'm thankful for where i am, and the people i'm with.
we're all in the main office of covenant house, and those who are either not able to sleep even though they're tired, or because they're working. yeah school work, they're having school at the moment, and it will only be confirmed whether they get their official leave from school for the camp.

incoherent thoughts are going through all our minds at this moment, and it's cause it's 3 am in the morning, and we're just surviving on the chemical caffeine our bodies are producing when we push our bodies to overdrive.

well well, goodnight to you people, and i hope you all find your remaining days of 2004 meaningful in reflection. ciao

gosh, i'm so blessed, and i'm so pissed, and i'm so.. i don't know.

i like to see, the blackness of the paper i buy for christmas cards
i like to smell, the fragrance of a cologne like armani mania
i like to hear, the tick produce by a well stroked shot from a maple shaft
i like to taste, the bitter-sweetness of coffee
i like to feel, the smoothness of suede
and above all,
i like you.

i think i'm starting to turn into a temporal shutter bug. i keep imagining how things i see would appear like in photos, and even went to the extent of taking those pictures. haha. maybe i'll be able to write something about these photos soon.

for what it's worth, i think the people who care for and love me, have serious issues.
you people ought to go for mental and physical checks, to ascertain just which parts of you have problems, that you should even bother with a screwed up like yours truly.

i can't say nothing much has happened, because indeed a lot has!
haha

melbourne was interesting without parents and just siblings. it was a different experience from last year, and enjoyable too. the beer was a plus, and the food was really good at times. the company was nice too =)

prom wasn't fantastic but it was memorable in it's own ways. so many pretty young ladies that night. some looked really fantastic, but i felt that others looked nicer on other days.

up and coming, piano exam in 5 days and counting.

the ipod is really pretty. wait. all ipods (white and black ones only) are pretty, but mine's the prettiest! =p hahaha
i really like it.

did some major reshuffling today, of the furniture in my bedroom, the dining room, and my brother's room. the hall's not touched, yet.
am shagged from the day, but i miss soccer. hope i get to watch some good soccer tonight.
*went to check activeodds for the games tonight*

*back*
disappointment. none of those i want to watch are playing tonight.
guess i'll sleep. =p afterall, i'm supposed to have an earlier-than-usual sunday morning tomorrow, cause i want to have breakfast. i miss kayabutter toast, with porridge and eggs. =)

goodnight people for now.
i hope those in Ophir are doing fine.
i hope those in korea are having fun,
and i hope those back here in spore are still having fun too =)

and you never did reply. it's a vicious cycle.
a clown's laughter with a sardonic stain.

well, the bbq was fun, and i was contented. and godpa gave me my new bag. it's pretty, i love it. and i love my godpa too =)

night people.

how do i tell you,
what i see through my eyes when i look at you?
when i'm lost for words,
to describe the beauty you show me,
or when i acknowledge that silence,
does come hand in hand with being in awe.

dtob noi dai mai dtob chun noi waa ter kit teung gunmai dtong waan dtong waew rok yaak taam kae hai ter
dtob noi dai mai dtob chun gon waa ter kit teung chun
yaang tee chun mun kit teung koi ter glub maa

it's in thai, a nice song someone sent me.
here's the translation.

Could you please answer me that you miss me.
You don't have to be sweet. I just want to ask you...
Can you answer me? Answer me first, that you miss me
Just like I miss you, and wait for you to return

the absurdities of our parents are usually but the norms of their children - us.

i guess that's something parenting will teach me in future, that's if i have kids.

math p2 tomorrow, all the best to all taking it.
just had dinner, going to take a long good shower, practise one more math p2, and then go to bed.

Ronan Keating - We've got tonight

i know it's late,
i know you're weary,
i know your plans don't include
me.
still here we are,
both of us lonely,
longing for shelter,
from
all that we see.
why should we worry,
no one would care
girl,
look at
the stars now,
so far away,

Chorus
We've got
tonight,
who needs tomorrow,
we've got tonight
babe,
why don't you
stay?

Deep in my soul,
i've been so
lonely.
all of my
heart,
fading away.
i've longed for love,
like everyone else does.
i
know i keep searching,
after today.

so there it is
girl,
we've got it all now,
and here we are
babe,
what do you
say?

Chorus

i know it's late and i
know you're weary,
i
know your plans don't include me,
still here we
are,
both of us
lonely,
both of us lonely,
lonely.

We've
got tonight,
who
needs tomorrow,
let's make it last,
let's find
a way.
Turn out the
lights,
come take my hand now,
we've got
tonight babe,
why don't we
stay?
we've got tonight babe,
why
don't we stay?

-------------------------------

ok, i lied.

i'm sorry, but i didn't know what else to say.i've got things on my mind, and the Lord knows what they
are. i need a good night's sleep, yeah that's what i need for now. maybe i'll see you tomorrow morning, maybe i wouldn't.
goodnight.

it's the festival of lights.
nothing to do with me though.
haha, just that it's probably the only reason why i don't have a paper today.

hmmm.. i've been thinking about the multi-racial, multi-cultural nature of my country. the secular-ness of it. maybe if it didn't come so easily, my faith wouldn't waver that much huh. but oh well, i'm here for a reason.

i went to the airport last night again. had a night of math, and will continue to do one more paper later on, before i get down to physics. will study econs tomorrow, or maybe i'll stay up through the night again.

going out for dinner, hope we get to eat nice food. i've got a resolution to eat less. eating to fill my tummy, rather than enjoying great food now. i can't afford to do so anymore. putting on lots of weight.

it's 14days to the end of my exams.

it's an unknown amount of days to the end of the world.

my trip to the states to visit handi has been cancelled because he's going to china with his family. what a waste. i might just fly over to london to visit ange then.

it's thursday tonight, which means 4 (or is it still 5?) singaporeans are going on stage to fight for their votes, to be crowned the singapore idol. wow, can you feel the excitement? if you can, let me know, cause you weren't supposed to. i think it's dumb. sorry to those who are ardent fans of AI, SI, and all the other idol shows.

well, i just got back from a game of basketball with my brother. we went to play at a court that we used to play at 4 to 5 years ago. things have changed, we have changed. well, shall not elaborate for now. not the time for penning thoughts like this now.

music - Worthy is the Lamb

my muscles are aching, especially my thighs. a result of basketball yesterday after having stopped playing for almost 3 weeks now. but it helped with the sleep last night, and hopefully tonight as well. i'm trying to break up the nocturnal cycle as i mentioned 2 days back i believe.

i have no idea why i'm feeling this moody/uneasy. but i must say, i'm feeling much better after talking to God. no He's not my aunt agony. He's more like a lover, whom i'm still very much infatuated with, and miss dearly throughout the day. still learning as much as i can about Him, and at least i know it's something from within me. it's not something that's forced, it's not fake, and even it were that case to you, in someone else's words, "it's your perception, not my reality".
no one pissed me off, nothing really sparked it off, just sort of slipped into 'this' as i made my way home.
was a rather productive day of practising math in the school library today, although it was really quite noisy with all my juniors doing up their GPF for the last time. congrats to them, and kudos to the hard work - or the lack of it - that's gone into it. hope you people score well.

come to think of it, my teeth are also aching. or rather, my whole jaw is.
i don't know what's up with my teeth. they ache nowadays even when i drink cold water. i think it's something wrong with my nerves. this is bad, cause i love drinking cold water that is.

something i wrote for those i know i love.

the trickle of a stream,
the thunderous roar of the niagara.
strumming of
4 simple chords that make up a song of praise,
or the brainchild of
musicianship, brought to life by the creme de la
creme,
it all
points to you,
and the love you have for me.

the love i can
return,
is not worth mentioning a fraction.
it's my prayer it
suffices,
and i'm sorry i let you down at times.
but still hold me
close
to you.
let our fingers intertwine like those of lovers,
that i
might
rest by your side,
knowing you're there by the sound of your
breaths.

love me,
love you,
let it be so.

goodnight earth, and you.

i just had dinner, and i feel like writing some stuff, but i'll do so later, after i talk to God.

it's puzzling why i always seem to have fish on the dinner table. haha, i love it, and i ain't complaining. =p

had curry fish head, and that was what i call a good dinner. =)

it's not a good dinner just because it's curry fish head, but rather cause it was really good. yeah, it could be the simplest of foods, like duck porridge, but if it's good, it would suffice for my dinner. =)

i'm a satisfied boy tonight, and i've only got one wish. i'm hoping it will be fulfilled.

mama told me over dinner, just let God know your heart's desires, but
more so, ask that His will be done. then you wait. yeah, that's what i'm going
to do.

bloody headache.

pleasant phone call.

white pills.

my bed.

slumber.

they ain't in order of any sort.

do your parents pick up your cellphone when it's ringing and it doesn't happen to be by your side?
haha, i almost got a shock of my life when i called a friend, because that happened. haha.

well, it's been pretty much of a slacked day, and i'm just waiting for my body to call me to bed, then i'm going to plonk in it for a good 8 hours, then i'll start the day! =) physics!!! here i come!

3 days to my start of my A levels, and 24 days to it's end.

studying overnight at the airport. quite effective. it's controlled circumstances and environment i guessed, that's why i have to study.

but it kinda screws up my bio clock, so i'll have to ease up on the frequency now that my GP's just next thursday.

for now, i want to relax. game. i'm tired.

i'm having a acne outbreak again. darn.
and something's puzzling me. i have been sleeping, haven't been pumping the caffeine yet, and eating properly, exercising. so what's up with this outbreak? gosh..

Heaven is a wonderful place,
filled with glory and grace.
Singapore's a small place in comparison,
it has had it's golden age,
but it sure has quite a few souls in it,
who happen to know each other,
because Singapore's a small place.

never thought lives could intertwine like this,
but oh well,
it happens like everything else does for a reason.
i don't know what's up with us all,
but i sure hope to find out in time.

in time,
all can heal,
all can be known,
and all can be done,
only in time,
when the Lord chooses for it to be so.

fyi, if you ain't going to stop smiling,
i'm coming over,
to hug you.
please don't stop.

imo, a cherub smiles like you do.
J smiles like you sometime too,
it's with that same glitter in your eyes,
it must be your mother's eyes you have.

the way your hair falls over your ears,
covers your forehead from time to time,
makes it seem like that's the way it's meant to be.
you make it natural.
you make it you,
the way you are.

i just finished watching 'Drumline'.
pure talent, i'm truly amazed. go catch it if you can, or rather, i don't think it's on anymore, cause i ripped it =p

--------------

it's my science practical tomorrow, and i'm mildy freaking out.

i'm begining to see why people like Mr Koh who has a havard first class honours and Mr Kwan who's equally as into math exist.

you just get better at it the more you do it. haha, well, at least at this level lah. =)

headache, darn it. it's persistent, or maybe it's just my mind. arGh!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, it's papa's birthday tomorrow, going out later on to meet yy, mel and edwin, and also get a card for papa.

man.. and we're all swinging..

i pulled my bicep, strained it too much today whilst playing basketball i guess. arGh!

i'm really sleepy.. =(

8th jan 2005, 1130am.
another day to look forward to. haha, enlistment. came earlier than i expected, but i know it works out in this way for a reason. =)

this is how i spent my day:

piano in the morning.
bought bass guitar strings for my brother.
went out for lunch with mom at amoy street, lor mee, yum!
went to Gentlemen's Quarters, got my suit done.
repaired my oakleys, new mechanism in the stem springs, more comfortable now.
came home for dinner with family. =)

well, that's all i've done thus far for the day. doesn't sound like i've got my A levels in two weeks huh. haha
well, i do!
and that's why i'm getting down to work now.

i'm still dazed by that crescent on your face.

if i could walk away from it all,

i would walk,

towards you.

i sigh with a smile.
looking into those windows,
i see eyes apart from his.
i see more than one being when i see him trot down the maroon carpet towards the stage.
learning to be content with the now of things,
that's why the smile accompanies the sigh.

help me Lord.

ain't he cute?
immortalized in writing, fossilized in pictures.

well, i was 12 hours late. for my run that is.
instead of running at 6am in the morning, i decided to give it a miss cause my body was tired from last night's exercise. woke up for piano, turned out to be a misunderstanding, and i wasted the trip down to bras basah.
ended up eating breakfast with shaun, and accompanied him for his haircut.

came home, and started work slow.. tsk tsk. but at least i completed 1 econs p1, and 60-70% of a math p1. hope to complete it and another one if possible so that i can go for consultation tomorrow.

dinner is to be served shortly, ok. i'm kidding. hahaha, don't know what time we'll eat, but i'm sure we will. hahaha.
i'm dead broke.
yes. d.e.a.d b-r-o-k-e.

well well, tempers boiling.. hmmm.. i wonder why. hope they ease out soon man.. relax brother and sister! hahaha

no, it's not myself, or my family for that matter, thankfully. it's just some of my friends.

well, it's been a really plesant weekend thus far, and i think it's ended on a nice tone, having spent it with my family for dinner, and grocery shopping.
we bought the usual stuff, and i stocked up on some food that i could use for lunch at home now that i no longer have to go to school.
the best part of it, we bought ice cream! hahaha
haagen dasz, tiramisu, and one more flavour, can't remember what it is. gosh, my memory is getting bad.

well, i'm getting up at 630 tomorrow to run with shaun, hope it gets me started feeling fresh in the morning =)

good night earth.

we're celebrating roger's birthday today =)

haha, going for my haircut before that though, and we're meeting for pool at parkway at 430.

hmmm.. it's full swing more than before after today.. all the best to me man..

to tell you i'm joyous leaving college, i would be lying outright.
i am sad about it, and i'm already missing it.
i do love meridian.
i do love meridians.

yes, indeed, we are born of a vision to be the best..

*your smile is the key to my locked up heart

it's been a while now.. well, that's that. a screwed up day, and nothing's really going to change that. i'm really tired though.

------------------------

darn, i don't want to go for lessons tomorrow, but i have to. last lessons of my jc life anyway. haha.
need to pass someone something anyway, and also it's one my second last official day being in school. it... gets my emotions welled up. i can't say i would cry, but i know i've given up a part of me to the school. willingly.
it'll never change that i was part of the pioneer batch, it would never change that i was who i have been in the school as a student, friend, and senior.

well, it's time to say goodbye i guess. and it's saddening, but i smile knowing that it was once there. thank you all for having made my stay in meridian the way it was.

---------------------------

lyrics to a song,
i could type for all to see.
but the tones and feelings of an instrumental,
you have to hear for yourself.

the unspoken words,
there probably aren't any anyway.
but figments of imagination,
and hope are the narcotics i turn to.
to get me past my darkness moments,
of the cold fact of unfufilled dreams that would remain that way.

you want to be happy,
i want you to be happy.
but i don't dare to make any promises,
cause i ain't sure whether i could make you smile.
i sure do know what your smile is like,
but i guess i have to content that i'm not the reason of it,
at this point in time,
and almost surely never.

would you ever care to turn the key you hold to this lock?

today's been a productive day in school, but i don't wanna remain on this 'high'.. i want to go higher! hahaha, in mrs crossley's words, i should get so high, that i don't feel tired anymore =)

GP lecture was really intellectual today, esp mrs logan, and it was fun on the whole. well, my 1st and last GP lecture. hahaha.

i'm tired, so i'm going to bed early tonight. =)

*your smile makes me smile

i know God loves me, i'm not so sure you do.

alright, it's an unmatured, childish thought i'm entertaining. you have to love me, at the very least, that's what you've said and shown all these years.

well, i'm more concerned about being stumbled. and i don't want war.
if my absence is the price tag of peace, i'll pick up the tab this time round.

longer nights in school, it'll be like the good old days, when i was still in council. hmm.. but for different purpose this time round i think.

23 days to my a levels.

be with me God. please.

2 weeks ago, an issue surfaced and i was ready to address it, but it was pushed away cause some other things cropped up. well, it's back, and i want to settle it today.

hope i get to talk to my mom later on. well, it's dinner for now. laters people.

*the way your pale beautiful face oscillates from side to side in quick succession, as a negative response to my question is still vivid in my head as though you're just seated right there next to me..

do you how much of a distraction you are? =)

just finished memoirs of a geisha. like all 'romance' movies and books, that feeling's back, but oh well. it's not the cause of why i'm feeling like that. that's secondary.

---------------------

don't wanna think about it all.

maybe i'll wander in the desert for 10, 20 years before finding out where i'm supposed to go. well, i don't want that to happen. =(

disappointments are part and parcel of life, and i just... oh well.. hmmm.. nevermind.

i have to get this cause and effect thing outta my head. it's childish, and it's so near-sighted. i have to learn to look at the bigger picture of things happening around me.

well, i have people to look up to at least. uncle mengkim, wah kor, and others i believe. but oh well, looking at them ain't tantamount to my life falling in their footsteps, although i could try to emulate parts of their lives here and there.

oh well, dinner is going to be one of good f0od, crabs at kallang airport food centre.
till laters..

ever went through a split second for which you think it's really dumb to be thinking of something, but the very next moment you realise that you're actually the one entertaining that very same 'childish' thought?

November Rain

oldie to me, although i ain't that young, and they ain't that old.
well, had dinner with godma, teowhin and joyce, had a nice evening.

england's playing, but i don't feel like watching.
i'm tired, i'm going to bed.

i finished TDB, moving on to My Utmost for His Highest. hope it's sufficient material for input.

i'm disappointed that it's the second week in a row i failed trying, but oh well, it happens for a reason, and i guess i'm to be blamed. no qualms.

night earth

hey hey people back home, i'm updating my posts from heaven. it's great up here. i get to talk to God and listen to the angels, the computers here are really much better than the ones back at home.. and the best part, we never feel tired up here... etc etc..

----------------------------

hmmm... ok, i'm day dreaming. but i really wonder what it's like up there, and i hope i go to God in my sleep.

well, i played pool for 3 solid hours yesterday, may have been slightly longer, but that's it for pool for now, at least till the A levels. - have to find other ways to destress from now till the A's are over; probably movies and books.

as a result, my right knee was hurting like mad, and i had to ice it when i got home. this is quite bad. i'm 18, and i'm going for NS soon, and i have a knee like that.. tsk tsk.. hope it'll heal prior to my entry, through God's healing and rest.

i just had breakfast with my dad and brother, mom's attending her course. got to complete at least one math paper before i go to church later on, i think i'll attempt the TPJC one.

- well, hopes and dreams are what keeps up going.. do dream on people, and keep on hoping.. =)

ok, prior to this entry, i was messing around with my layout, and i kinda screwed up my html.

that suffice as reason number 1 of 2 to change my URL.
the other reason is cause someone found my previous link through another friend. no worries to you, but yeah, you know my preference, so please respect it =) you're still loved very much.

i spent 1 hour clearing up the mess that the post mortem of the prelim's created. it's quite disgusting, but at least tonight i've got a full study table to work with. and since i slept from 3-6plus, i'm going to sleep at earliest 1230. i need to do lotsa stuff anyway.

probably add another entry later, got to rush off for dinner now. ciao.

i hope i didn't just screw up my blog.

i could only pray for you, and yes i want to =)

i hope you would give unto the Lord your apprehension, distrust, and the whole problem if possible. haha, hope the day your own magic works for yourself comes soon =)

ok, maybe it was too early for a good night afterall, but hey, i'm entittled to this glee and the cherubim smile i have within me at this point in time right? =p

i'm really thankful i can seek solace in Your Word.
hmmm.. i'm feeling much more peaceful now, as compared to just now right after my shower, when i was really ready to erupt. but it wouldn't have done much good anyway, so yeah, i'm thankful i chose to walk away after punching my fist into my other palm. that sufficed for then.

hmmm.. many j1s would be taking their promos tomorrow, and i'm praying for my friends.
hope your eye swell has recovered.
well, to all those still taking exams, or going to take them this coming week, i wish you all the best, do your best and He will do the rest =)

i took my medicine, and i've got only 1.5 hours of lessons tomorrow. so i'm going to bed now.
goodnight to you, and world.

if i counted correctly, the last 4 times she speaks, it's always recieved with negative feelings on my end.
why?!?!?!? arGh!!!!!!!!!!!
late afternoon yesterday, she starts.
early this morning in the car, there she goes again.
it's already evening on sunday, and i would have expected a day in church to dispel all this angst in her, no, she goes at it the very moment she wakes up from her afternoon nap. gosh.

i really wanted to talk to her later on this evening, but i don't think i'm going to do so now.
it's just so... wrong... to do it at this time now.

Gosh~!
-roy lamented.

cough drop OD. with a flu tablet.
hope i sleep peacefully tonight.

i'm tired.
i cannot confirm whether it's 33 days left, but i don't care for now. i want to sleep.

goodnight world, and to you, yeah, you too. night.

i got my shure e2c's. they're babies, and they're good babies =) hahahaha
can you tell i'm a happy boy? i'm telling you i am =p
i got my new Remo drum pad to practise on too. hoping to improve.
34days to A levels.

36 days.

mooncakes are nice, but i could do away with the racket that the GRC gathering downstairs's causing.
i've got half a TJC p1 left, and 2 new DRQs. should i attempt to finish everything tonight? i seriously need help with my math..

i got back most of my prelim results on the first day of school. haha.
they aren't fantastic, but i've made improvement, and i'm really thankful for my Math grade. =)

thus far, i've got:
B4 for GP,
D for econs,
aO for math,
and my physics grade is unknown as of today.

haha, it's not pretty, but to me, it's a good start, of the 37 days left to my A levels. cool huh. =)
well, we'll see what God can do in thus short a time, with a willing soul (hopefully =p)

---------------------------

wah, jie mei's camera just spoilt, cause someone dropped it, *ouch*
but i seriously think you should get the one that Ne got. she got it at $1299, and you're getting it at $599, if i were you, i would grab it. it's like what? 4Megapixel? that's more than enough for me man.. i'm not shutterbug, so yeah.

well, here's the homework list for today.
1. TJC math paper 1
2. J2002 Econs P2, Drq Qn 1 on belgium and it's economy.

-----------------------

oh yeah, i'm getting my allowance this friday, and this is what i plan to spend on for this month. it sets me back quite a bit, but hey, for quality of my music, why not man?

http://www.shure.com/earphones/images/e2c_big.jpg

hahahah.. till laters people =)

question of the day: should one be allowed to feel sad from time to time?

if you have an answer to this, share it with me?
i'm caught in this cycle, and i'm getting quite sick of it.
happy out of home, and upset in it.
realised i used home and not house? it's still cause i know something's wrong.
there used to be warmth, love, and a looking-forwardness to home, the smell of it, the feel of it.

-a selfish streak
-a can't be bothered attitude
-playing too much
-sleeeping too much

just some of the topics the nagging's been going on and on for and about.
come on, if it ain't there, they won't nagging.
i have come to terms with that, but i don't understand, and so i have yet to come to terms with other things.

it's been like that when i'm close to You, it's also been like that when you're so far away.
so which is better off?
i haven't been speaking to You the whole of this week, is this why all these is happening? but it happens even when i'm talking to You practically every segment of the day. so what's up?

------------------------------------------

then:
*finger points* Look at your brother, learn from him, he's so caring, so loving, yada yada..

now:
*finger points* Look your YOUR brother, learn from HIM, HE's so caring, considerate, yada yada.. what happened to YOU?

you get the flow?
let me attempt to explain.
in the former ten years ago, the finger was pointed at me.
in the latter, now, the finger is pointed at my brother.

i admit, i've grown up, to be a different boy from who i used to be.

i don't think of others like i used to think of asking josie to the table to join us for dinner.
i don't exercise my initiative to hang the clothes, mop the floor, or water the plants for that matter.
i've lost that angelic innocence.
i've gained my PSLE results, O level results, and grade 8 distinction in my piano.
i've gained a whole lot of pride in myself, haughtiness, condescension upon others.
i've learnt to satisfy myself before others, and i claim i've learnt to love over the past few relationships i've had, but in retrospect, it's bullshit, with the exception of Julia.

so what if i bother to open up doors for girls? or make sure they get home safely? or let them up the escalator or the bus before i do? it surmounts to ziltch. look at it in this light, what's often termed as "desireable" by others, can be actions simply acted out without the heart in it. the devil knows the entire bible, he knows God even better than i do, but he ain't got the heart, that's why he's who he is.
- this is reason number 1 why i'm so thankful i don't reciprocate the feelings that the poor innocent girl has for me. she doesn't know me, and i'm glad she doesn't.

------------------------------------

only with confession does worship follow suit after a calamity.
realignment can only take place when the recognition for the need to do so is born.
i want to, yes i'm making a choice.
God help me with it. this i beg of you. yes i do.

------------------------------------

the ecstasy of the flesh throws the mind into a fumble, and in turn leads the spirit along with the temple into wayward deeds. steer thyself away from what tempts, unless it is in line with what the Holy Spirit prompts. gorge out your eye if it's what causes you to sin. hold your tongue if it's what causes hurt, and remain silent till words of wisdom, love, assurance and edification is poured forth from the very same tongue.
Love will triumph over all, good and evil.
Amen.

gosh.. whee!~

hahaha, i wonder whether this glee is ever going to be justified.
hMmmmm.. hahahahahahahaha.... ~!~!~! =p

good night people, and all the best to all taking physics prac tomorrow.

The Calling - Wherever you wil go

it doesn't take any more than 2 rejections flat in the face for an ego to feel flatten.
right, it wasn't their faults that they were busy, and had to rush off, yes, and i ain't blaming anyone. i'm just feeling... well.. rejected.

i read this off someone's nick, and i thought it was really insightful.
"when you recieve an insult, top it. if you can't top it, laugh it off. well, if you can't even laugh it off, it's probably deserved."

------------------------------------

gosh.. tempers flying again.. darn it.
what a turn off.

a skin of copper
a sky of grey
a curtain of white
and a heart of gloom

miscommunication. sigh, i'm upset because of that. thankfully none of them read this.
gosh..
Lord i ask that you seek my motive and correct me if i habour wrong intentions for wanting to do what i did. i'm at a loss, teach me, and guide me Lord.

i've been writing alot, so much so that i'm actually quite shocked how i'm able to finish a long tube of pelikan blue ink in a week. need to get a refill. i think the uncle will be darn shocked too.

well, most of my writing has been actually my conversations with God, and my thoughts. so in a way, i've been talking alot too.

it's 2 days to my unofficial end of my prelims. i think i'm going to screw up big time, but with God's grace, i'll pull through.

i think i'm posting here cause i know there're people out there who read, and care, but i'm sorry, i can't tell you all in words like that. if you need my assurance, i'm doing well, and i'm actually very good =) thanks to God.

i'm still looking around for a leather bound journal, anyone know where i could get it? in singapore that is.
please please please let me know if you do have resources. thank you.

i'm so bloated, from the Macs dinner i just had, and the large mug of chinese tea i had. haha. hmmm.. it's econs paper1 and 2 tomorrow, shall go revise now, although i'm more worried about my math paper2. tsk tsk.. *anxiety kicks in* and i kick it out of the window, nah. i hand it to God =) thank You.

for those of you who think He's but a servant whom i go to for my woes and troubles and things like that, you have no idea what great fun we're having together. don't understate the value of something you cannot comprehend. =)

took out the music, changed the layout, let me know what you think of it yeah?

i think sometimes things get too complicated in the midst of we trying to make it simple. want an example? take a statistical analysis for example. who actually needed to know all those figures and pie charts and fractions? i sure didn't need to.

good night people for now.

What do you call collectively,
That the eye can see,
heads turning to appreciate beauty as she walks down the streets,
That the ear can hear,
the majesty of children all singing praises unto Him that send a warm tingle down your spine,
That the nose can smell,
the whiff of mother's love from the kitchen as i step home,
That the tongue can taste,
the sweetness of sugar in the richness of coffee,
That our skin should feel,
the millions of messages our bodies tell each other in a unified tone of a hug that's long overdue?
i call it God's love for me.

thanks to cassandra from MMC. got it from enlin though. hmm.. one performance i'll never forget.
immortalized in writing, fossilized in pictures.

bought a new pen, and have been writing in a diary. hope i continue to, even in the midst of my exams. well, nothing much to say for now, because i've written most of my thoughts for the day down in the my diary.
take care people and have fun.

*why should stress as a result of limited human understanding preceed faith hope and love?

so weird, all these feelings i have in me now.
it may have been the excessive amounts of caffeine, or maybe the people i spoke to through the night, or maybe cause i slept at 5am in the morning, or maybe cause of a show i re-watched.
in any case, i'm feeling melancholic.

i need my haircut, and i need to study.
will go for it later on, but i'm considering studying outside. i'm just wondering.. hmmm..

i've learnt so many new things in the last 3 days of my life, that i'm pretty much overwhelmed by my emotions. i ain't so sure it's time to be going through this.

Lord, i ask you be with me. my legs are feeling very jelly-like.

if there's one thing worse than not having friends, it would be that your friends ignore you.

had a good night's sleep, and had a good breakfast with my brother. got bad news though that my sister's apartment was broken into last night, but thankfully apart from a few missing things, all else is fine.
plan to do my QT before starting on a math paper today.

*i ask that this day be productive and that you help me appreciate the little things you've done in my life..

some say blogging helps, others gorge, yet others shop, but i think all don't work for me, and i personally op for sleep. at least i don't waste money or time doing something only to realise later that i regret it.
who can regret sleeping?

ah screw it.
yeah, screw it.
don't you get me? screw it!
ok, let me spell it out for you one last time.
S.C.R.E.W I.T!

i think i used like 50msgs in half an hour, so that time 3, i used 150msgs over dinner.
i don't really care about it anyway.
i need my shower, and my bed.

*a voice lingers in the head,
and for that moment,
language doesn't matter,
only the voice does.*

ever felt anything like that before?
well, don't answer, cause it wasn't meant to be answered.

ok, no, it's not some screw up on the database. yes it's been really quite some time now since i've stepped down, but just felt like posting the pictures only now. so yeah. i would be posting up the Love Meridian Day pics too.

nostalgia. our 1st pose together in school uniform, and the last together, in blazers.

right after the step down..

see the smiles?

Mr Tee's idea again.. =p

i wonder what the wall will be like by the time the next president steps down.

nostalgia, love, friendships, bonded, unity, happiness, laughter, smiles, and tears, are some of the words that have been flashing past my mind.

from all the posts that i read, from the pictures i see, from the memories i have, yes, i end up crying inside, but with both tears of joy and sorrow.
joy for the appreciation that we were once there,
sorrow for the knowledge that it must come to an end.

i think to say you people rock, i understate the true value of what you guys mean to me.
well, i'm not at a loss of words, because i know i want to tell you people i love you all.
yes s303, i do love you guys.
that my love sprung from my only hate, now i feel the stabs of bittersweet sorrow.

i have more to say, but i don't think it's the time to do so now. i don't want to write about these things when i'm so tired, when i fail to express what i truly feel, and i dim the hues of the colours that you people brought into my life. help me be fair to you people.
que sera sera.

we're going to STOMP!!!!!!

hahaha, hope we bring the house down, and do this last act together as a class! =)

i'm really looking forward to it, and thank you all for contributing in whatever ways you have, and yes you all do mean something to me. =)

i'm tired, and i'm feeling a mixture of lots of things. haha. night people.

hmmm.. alot has happened, yet nothing really worth the mentioning. at least to me lah. =p
(see the selfish side emerging?) - it's always about what i think is important, it's always about i, and seldom is 'me' out of the picture.

i choose to take a happy outlook at things. =)
if she's not feeling repulsive, then i'm happy for now. i hope this friendship grows.

i've been growing closer to my classmates, if you people haven't realised.
and i've been learning the limitations of the human soul.
my time is all i have, and when i grow closer to some people, inevitably i drift away from others.

i hope this changes for the better in view that it's my last week in school. ---> 3 weeks to prelims! hahahahaha

lunch was interesting, and dinner fulfilled it's purpose of filling my stomach.
i had a nap, of which i think was crap.

why do i get this feeling that you're bursting for me to say it so that you could just slap me so hard on the face and turn all this back into the times where i would distant myself from all of you again?
i'm not pondering, i'm troubled, and i don't think i'm thinking in the right frame of mind.

the circle of life is made up of dogs. along with the bitching, and snapping at each other's heels.

if we're acting like strangers, and you're not doing nuts about it, don't tell me we're like strangers cause i already know it.
give the situation a reason through your actions to be otherwise, or things would always remain the same. that's how it works. get it?

i'm quite fustrated, and i'm having a mild mood swing now.

flunked 2BL5 again. hahaha, but i'll keep trying. =)

pleasant phone call whilst walking home. maybe, just maybe we'll go at it again.

well, i have unsettled stuff.
godma just jio-ed me for mj tomorrow, the only problem's getting the tiles to her place, cause i'll be out the whole day, and it's grandpa's birthday dinner tomorrow, and i have a seminar on sat, and mom has to see Ms Tan on sat morning. see how the list goes on and on and on? hahaha, ok. i think i might switch the date mom sees Ms Tan again, but no choice. sigh, just hope she doesn't blabber too much.

night people, i'm dead beat, but at least i'm alive.

having to walk away knowing it would have been the best way out, was indeed a decision filled with defeat. but it was made, and that's that.

i question, and is it wrong to?
tell me if i am wrong to be doing so.
short term or long term? which are you?
and would that answer change with experience?

gosh, i never knew that my thoughts/depression encompassed all those things i spoke to with wj, hmmm.. maybe we all just need to talk things out, and then realise that we're all actually thinking individuals.

night people. enough has been said, not here, but not that i care.

from my youngest years,
till this moment here,
i've never seen,
such a lovely queen.

from the skies above,
to the deepest love,
i've never felt,
crazy like this before.

Chorus:
paint my love,
you should paint my love.
it's the picture of a thousand sunsets,
it's the freedom of a thousand doves,
baby you should paint my love.

been around the world,
then i met you girl,
it's like coming home,
to a place i've known.

Chorus

since you've came,
into my life,
the days before all faded black and white,
since you've came,
into my life,
everything has changed.

Chorus

--------------------------------

hmmm.. a white spot in the multitude of red, you inevitably stood out, and shone you did.
i'm ain't riding the waves of success with regard to handling this matter.
i'm torn between head knowledge, first hand experience, and pure stubborness, that's head on with hope, and what-ifs.
i'm coughing, my zits are breaking out, and i'm getting agitated at the mildest of things.

i need to cool down, literally and otherwise, that's why i'm drinking lots of water, and that stuff my mom cooked for me, and also resting.
but i need to continue working. i've started, but the pace is way too slow.

happy birthday to you Spore. i don't know you well enough to tell you i'm happy for you.

dinner..

the envious do not die once, but as oft as the envied win applause.

and although envy is a waste of time, i can't help but admit that i do envy some people at certain points in my life.

do you think life is ironic? when we are often filled with feelings tht are oxymorons.
hmmm.. spent my recess with Him, felt good. need to talk more, it's a relationship anyway. =p
can we go out on a date soon?

well, i ain't going to say it's all smooth sailing, and time is still edging towards the final day.
little by little, everyday...

won't you Lord, take a look at our hands?
everything we have, use it for your plan.
won't you Lord, take a look at our hearts?
mould me, refine me, as you set us apart?

we want to run to the altar, and touch the fire,
and stand in the gap between the living and the dead,
give us a heart of compassion,
for a world without vision,
we will make a difference bringing hope to this land.

you don't know me, so yeah, let's get to know each other better first yeah?
till then, yeap. nothing more needs to be said. one thing i'm thankful for though, that you're a child of God. let's hope it's the talk we walk, yeah, let us see how much it'll show in our walk as friends.

and as for mspiggy, i've been talking so much to you, that i was surprised by that question of yours. well, seriously, i didn't have an answer. it was more of a digression, to throw your attention off the question. yeah.
*the screen flickers and the speakers blip; the familiar tone of an incoming sms. yeah, it's from you.*

i'm walking away, from troubles in my life.... - Craig David

hmmm.. just finished up circuit revision today, going for 2BL5 next thurs, and the RTT on the 20th of august. hope i clear it all. back to normal life i guess.
the past two months have been kinda... no words to describe at the moment. don't think i want to get down to that anyway.

Ocean - Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu & Xing Fu Che Zhan

nothing wrong with these songs, nice ones in fact.

i've been singing quite a bit, something i never really did before, cause i don't think i can really sing.
but i'm trying to find my own voice in all these singing. i don't care if you think i can sing for nuts. that's subjective, and it's not that i care.

i am down, i don't know why.

no, i don't want to seek the solution from You when i go tomorrow.

---------------

cleared up my room,
put up my whiteboard.
started the countdown in my room,
vaccum cleaned the table of the shavings.
the table's clean,
at least i can use the table now.
tomorrow that is.

---------------------

the stage is set for the show to begin.
would it start soon?
will there be an interlude?
or a standing ovation when it's done?
will they demand an encore?
not from the phantom who doesn't live in the theatre,
nor the one who plays music not that of the night.

i'm thankful for being unknown to those who don't know me.
obscurity cloak me, lest i hide my circle in public.

i walk through your gallery of paintings,
those you paint not with brushes or your fingers,
but with words and that of ideals.
it's impressionism in itself,
but why should that matter to you?
let trees be blue,
and the sky red,
and water green,
and the people in the canvas grey.
immortality bestowed upon those you write about,
mortality given to those etched in your heart.
when all's been said and done,
and every last one falls,
then we'll all say,
let it be,
for what will be,
will be.

-----------------

the heart pulsated,
the pearls from within.
they never left the window,
but nevertheless they were put into being.

sprained tendon, and an injured hip.

my doc gave me 1 week mc to excuse me from PE, thank you doc!
and for the painkillers too.

---------

i may like you, and you may know, but know this too.
i've come to realise that i ain't ready to love.
don't ask me how i ever came to that conclusion. i just did. i have been so out of touch with all these feelings, that i have decided in these circumstances, it's best i leave them alone for now.

i want to concentrate. on what, i haven't decided, but i know it won't be this.

----------

i'm thinking of picking up badminton. i'm ok with my hand-eye coordination, but i need to learn the correct strokes from someone. anyone wanna help? and i'm going to get a good racket! it pays to have connections! snigger!! hahaha =p

that's all folks.
time to myself.

i heave a sigh of relief,
i start to breathe once again.
my sense of touch is awakened to the sensations again,
those once felt when i had more sense in my head.
the spinal nerves have not broken down,
it's just that i choose to ignore the screams the signals are transmitting.
the injuries hurt,
but the heart in it's hope is wilted.
logic in the mind seems something to look forward to,
but it's still but another subject of time.

something i wrote some time back, but i'm surprised i remember vividly how i felt. have a good day people. not much has happened, that i think is worth sharing, but nevertheless, i treasure all that's happen. thank you God =)

night people

ok, i admit, i'm still not in control of the situation, and no, neither are you, although yes, you probably have the ability to steer this one way or another.

it's my prayer, that i would help you out of that problem. if you could jump out of that shell of yours, and hop into another one, you would then realise how darn likeable you are. well, i hope that through my actions, i would help you see that someday. but then again, how would that help? since it's you, the one inside you that really makes you all that beautiful anyway.

i'm young, i ain't denying it. and forgive me for the mistakes that i would inevitably make. be truthful with me? cause i really want to be honest with you.
i'm trying to break that wall down. yeah, but i hope it gives way to something that we both could be happy with.

till then, i don't want to rev the engine more than it is at now. i might from time to time if i ever get the confidnce, but guide me. let's do this together. not just me, not just you, make it you and i. yeap.

*for a weird reason, the pro-spore song that goes 'together we'll make a difference... ' hahaha, it's playing in my head. this must be some kinda joke*

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)
 
can you tell i'm happy? if you can't, let me spell it out for you. i'm H-A-P-P-Y! hahahahahahaha

hmmm.. today, the junior councillors stepped up, and it marks the end of my council office. it's not because of that i'm happy. in fact, i wrote in the guest book that 'words have failed me at this moment to express what i feel for the council, the #1s, #2s, and the TAs". truly, i love them all, yes i love mjc's council, and to a pretty large extent, i love mjc. =)

let the truth set you free. i don't know how the words left my mouth, but i'm really glad i told you. thanks for being who you are =) **did i look/sound really dumb? =p hahaha, not that it really matters, cause at least now you know. not that you didn't before, but yeah, at least i got down to telling you. =)

i'm going to have dinner with #1s at whitesands swensens. yay!! =) should i go early to CB to read? i'm quite tempted to do just that, but i'm quite tired, and i'm thinking of taking a nap. hmmm.... ok, i decided against the nap, cause the moment i go down, i'm probably going to miss dinner. hahaha.

45/105

hahaha, those numbers don't seem that dready to me today, as many other things too. haha, after i told you, i guess i was happy. wait, let me rephrase that, i don't need to guess. i know i was =)
i know for sure now that God answers prayers, and yes, it's still going to be in His hands. - i can still hope right? =p -

love gives, and it never takes.

47/108
 
i'm stepping down tomorrow. i ain't kidding. i don't know what i feel about the stepping down and the delivering of my final speech as the president, or the certificate of thanks that i would recieve, or the final time i would wear my blazer, or the last time i would have teachers sniding me as the pres, but yes i can tell you, i'm feeling so much about something (-one) else.

if all that matters is to meet the objective, does everything else go then? does the end justify the means?
i want to let you know, yes i do. but i'm afraid i would lose it. hold it, what do i have now anyway?
well, i have 9 outta 10 times i don't recieve replies to my smses. i have 9.5/10 times my calls are not picked up.
.........................
i have times when i don't dare to speak to you when you're just seated next to me, and yet i also have the constant hope to see you the moment i look up from whatever i'm doing, in hope to spot your face in the multitude of blue.
.........................
i have a mind that tells me the logic or rather the lack of it of pursuing this matter, but yet i can't explain the fact i haven't been able to severe the thoughts from my being. trust me, i tried, and i don't think it has worked out for the good.
.........................
how it turned out this way, from what it used to be from the very start, i have no idea.
where it goes from here, i have no idea either.
if i choose my desired course of action, neither will i have an idea.
give me a clue, that might help, it might just make things seem clearer.

 

49/110
 
people are weird, but yeah, i guess i'm weird at times too, since i'm human too.
maybe it ain't really all weird, just a different kinda norm, get my point? haha.
ok, i started reading Sophie's World, i was forewarned that it is really dry, but i'm finding it really interesting. =) hope i can persevere to the end.
 
'if it happens, it does, if it doesn't, it doesn't, nothing you can do about it.' so true, thanks Daniel. it put my heart at ease. =)
 
4 days to stepping down. amen - let it be.
 
context is very important. learnt that while i was thinking of some stuff, but not the time to pen it down at this point in time. have things to do. maybe when it's all been said and done, then i'll write about it.
 
as for now, i'm going to talk to Him, and then i'm going to bed, cause i'm tired. i didn't manage to get my usual sunday afternoon nap, so i know i'll fall asleep early tonight, and that's what i'm going to do. sleep early, and get up at say 430? yeah. that's what i'll do =)
 
goodnight people

50 days to prelims, 111 days to A levels.
 
hmmm.. yeah, those numbers are going to keep dropping, and i need to keep going at them.
 
just some quick updates,
i just placed my deposit for my Instroke Buffaloe cue case. it's really pretty, you could check it out at http://www.instroke.com/cgi-bin/catalog_1/showpict.pl?login=&item=BUF2X4 if you're interested.
Also, i won't be playing pool till at least the prelims are over, cause i figured i don't need that distraction, so i decided to make a decision, so that i can get it out of my system once and for all at least till the prelims are over.
 
i don't know if Ms Lai's going to see my parents, cause a few of my friends already got a call from the school regarding their results and were asked to make an appointment with Ms Lai. If or otherwise, either way, i'm getting down to doing my stuff, getting the act together, and striving for it.
 
Tomorrow: will be having BS, yay! and we're going to sit pastor Tim Tan down for coffee after BS, exciting session. hope the crossfire won't be that great amongst some individuals, but yeah, i know it won't, because they're all mature people. =)
 
then i'm coming home to do my math, and another week of school starts all over again. hmmm.. i am still coughing, hope i can recover before tuesday so that i will be fit enough to exercise. i just got home, so i need to go shower, and then i'm off to lalaland. medicine before that though. hmmm.. all you people out there, just get your act together, and the whole show would more or less work out for the better, at least for His purpose it would =)

113

i got an mc from the doctor. and a 3day leave from PE.
i need to sleep, but i'm not tired mentally, physically i'm worn out though.
need to do my math, trigo, differentiation and integration i shall do tomorrow for the whole day after clearing my tutorials.

ok, it won't be for the whole day, but at least for most of it.
i need to finish up my book, Angels and Demons. haha.
i will start on Sophie's World after that.
enough of Dan Brown for now, need to read some stuff that would get me thinking.

haha, then i guess i'll finish up the rest of the Dan Brown books after SW. He's quite good i must admit, generally captivates his readers by the facts that he slams ever so casually in your face. cool style of writing, and i'm sure lots of effort must have went into it; making it seem like it was second nature to him even though you know it was anything but, i salute him =)

took my medicine, i purposely took an overdose of the cough medicine. hope it knocks me to out cold. i need to sleep, at least for the night that i get an MC. don't want to waste it.

many people are falling sick, please take care all you people out there.
to you: hope you clear your deadlines successfully, don't get too stressed up. =) remember to smile. will be praying for you.
and to you:i am thankful for the small mercies in life. continue to be who you are, and the new look's really nice =)

to all of you: goodnight people.

114 - i have to go all the way down before i can bounce back up.

it's weird that i'm up at this time. haha, i woke up a whole hour earlier than usual, probably cause i thought i set my alarm to 530, but it was actually 430. haha. hmmm.. good that i'm up actually, need some quiet time to myself to think things through, although i probably spend this time doing my tutorials. would catch up on my math Trigo in the 3 period break today that i have before the math revision lectures. it seems to be the only subject that i can do anything about these days.

haven't really been thinking, haven't really been thanking.
i've been worrying too much,
and above all that, i've been too self-centered and concerned about the short term all over once again.

if it means that i be grounded, then ground me. i ain't really interested in going out with anyone in particular nowadays anyway. maybe i'll just be a cooped up old grumpy hermit locked up in my room with my books, and i just read and read, and read. i can't say that i won't yearn to play pool, cause i really love it, but sometimes we have to lock our feelings aside i guess.

alright, i'm off to talk to Him, decided to do so before i start the day. hope it's a day in which His purpose if fufilled.

morning people. =)

116

well, The Bloke's been very much in my weekend, and we've haven't been talking alot, but i know He's waiting quietly at the corner. i've not given my fair share of time, and it's probably why i feel the weekend zoom past without much meaning anyway.

ok, before i pop out of the house to church and then for an early afternoon relaxing, before i come back and nap, here's the homework list.
1. Econs Essay
2. GP written work - need to pack the file i guess
3. general packing of the file i carry around, the notes are all in a mess.
4. AOB relating to work i guess.

where my heart is, would be where i feel happy being, it's where i would be when i'm unhappy too, cause it'll be the place i would want to be, whatever i feel, whenever i can, and with whomever i may be with.

woah, it's been fast and furious this whole week.
handi came, handi went.
i'm happy today. spent time with shaun although i was let down by a friend.
was quite happy with the fact that my first 2 movements of my first exam piece has improved. really need to work on that 3rd movement, and my scales too.

glad i attended the forum in church. was interesting. must learn to curb my impulsiveness in showing my state of mind through my body language.

Dan Brown's Angels and Demons is proving to be quite an interesting read, as The Da Vinci Code was.

need to complete some homework over the weekend, hope i can settle down and adapt quickly.

time is running out!!!!!!!!!!

117 days as of 10th July 2004

hmmm.. but yeah, as piglet said, let the joy of the Lord be our strength. happy birthday piglet =)

i'm tired, and there's school later on in the morning at 840. night people

first day of school after a long weekend.
i'm tired. no, i'm zonked out. i didn't have enough sleep last night, and the weekend's worth of traning and not-sleeping wore me down. i'm going to catch up on sleep now, and i'm getting up early to tidy up my room, and then do my tutorials.

physics and math to clear before the day starts.
it's going to a tough, furious, demanding and strenuous term, hope i survive.

to you, yeah you: your term's going to be tough too i heard from you, but yeah, stick in there, you'll survive by His strength, didn't meet you for as long as i would have hoped for last week, hope to see you soon again.

night people.

the Euro has been a total flop. haha, the underdogs won, 1-0. hmmm, but i guess it's been great progress for Portugal though.

hmmm.. i'm at ah goh's place now. spend the night talking to him after soccer, glad i came afterall.
so much to say, so little time, no wonder you give your time to the people you love most. hmmm.. i truly love him as a brother, and i thank God for him =)

going to meet handi in a while's time, that's after i get home though, cause i need to get lunch first. that's all for now i guess.

laters people =)